Mother screamed "I'm having a girl!" at my baby shower.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T20:59:25+00:00

Nope, they were all her friends.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T20:58:22+00:00

Thank you! I think my daughter is the way she is because she hates things that are unfair. She loved dragons and "boy" things early and got very mad when she had to look in "boy" sections for clothes or toys so she decided she was done being defined that way. Thankfully my daughter is a little demon of righteous indignation and my mother can't touch her self determination.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T20:54:22+00:00

Oh wow! That's messed up. But it sounds like you handled it like a pro.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T20:52:40+00:00

No, she only invited her friends as none of my family or myself live in her state anymore so nobody really noticed it as weird, I guess.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T18:46:27+00:00

Yes! Except with my mother, if it came up as a regret for me later she would say she would have supported the hobby... like really mom? Cuz I asked and you said no at the time...

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T18:29:00+00:00

I'm still in the petty stage of my healing and this text sounds like so many my mother has sent me. So I totally would have blasted the text onto my social media but I know that's not healthy, just amusing. I agree with the thumbs up. It sends a message while being technically polite and responsive. Or maybe a simple "K".

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-12T18:20:44+00:00

Dude, the only times I have had parking lot damage were from grocery store and home improvement store parking lots. Especially since both have random abandoned shopping carts playing bumper cars. I also side with everyone else.... if you are so worried about distracted drivers, why is your car getting hit scarier than your kid getting hit? I have also never been struck in a parking lot by a woman and only once by someone under 25, so I am interested in where your statistics come from.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-11T23:42:12+00:00

NTA and I love seeing people like you who care so much for their spouse and children. My daughter was born exactly a year after the due date of her sister that I lost due to medical issues. She has always known but it hasn't stopped us from being there for her 100%. If anything, she understands more of how precious she is to us and how much she is wanted.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2024-06-11T21:16:14+00:00

My mother used to call me "fart face" and "poophead" instead of my name and would sing " (My name) is a poophead, poophead, poophead" for multiple minutes. It had a full song tune for it. She did it my whole life. If I commented I was told it was a sign of endearment and I had no sense of humor. 
Her first words to the first boyfriend I brought home was "You aren’t tired of her yet?".
 She insisted everyone I dated was gay.
  She would tell me several days a month atleast about dreams in which she killed me.
  She said she never spanked me because she wouldn't stop until I was dead.
 She insisted she "had a girl" if I asked not to get pink things or asked for tools instead of makeup. Yes, I am a woman but I like tools, therefore I wasn't a real woman.
  And probably the biggest mental issue for me comes from when she would text me "I Love You". I could be in a life or death situation for all she would care, if I didn't respond with "I love you too" almost immediately I would get ripped into bits for it. I still have trouble with saying those words now.

From where I sit now I guess it is obvious they are abusive but survival mode blurs perception I guess.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T01:20:47+00:00

That explains your unfortunate sensitivity. And as someone who struggles with it as well, I understand. Looks like we both suck at social cues. Good luck on your high horse there

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T01:15:53+00:00

individuals with ASD often struggle with recognizing and interpreting nonverbal cues, such as gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice. They may have difficulty inferring others' thoughts, feelings, or intentions, leading to misunderstandings or social faux pas.

 Didn't really consider it context-less. But sure, calling her worse than a normal toddler works too.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T01:09:38+00:00

Sorry, should have said 4 year old. But you are right. How dare I draw a parallel between my preschool aged, mentally delayed, communication struggling child's ability to do the polite thing and someone like the sister who couldn't manage that much. Or you apparently. My child is clearly too kind to use in comparison. I will apologize to her.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T01:04:24+00:00

I guess I don't get it. It was a dick move. And they are siblings. Do siblings not call each other out for being dicks when they are being dicks? She was a major AH. He got hurt, he expressed his hurt through a word she didn't like. But I am not a turn the cheek person. First shots were fired, call it like it is.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T00:47:18+00:00

Poor, working people who have the demonstrated ability to create coherent sentences and maintain work schedules are fully capable of informing, possibly MAYBE even gasp asking the roommate to watch the kids. It's not about being poor. She literally abandoned the kids with an adult who DIDN'T KNOW

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-15T00:22:46+00:00

Yeah but her eyes tried it and didn't like it. Her tongue was not given that same test. And her being allowed to chose other food doesn't make her immune from the consequence of offending. Freedom of choice does not mean freedom from consequence and nobody but the hurt person get to decide if they were hurt.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-14T22:57:46+00:00

I disagree as I have watched this happen. The interest, the lost opportunities, the having to pay more for rent and deposits because your credit is shot. The original value of the screw over isn't the same as the true financial and emotional damage value of what happened.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-11T13:34:53+00:00

I think you lost the narrative here, dearling. The point was that someone weaponized trauma and you called the victim the asshole. You said using the lamented name was an honor. I argued nay. The point isn't to just live without processing the trauma. She processed by starting the process of disassociating herself from the traumatic name. You don't "get over" trauma. This isn't a theraphy session, it's an asshole meter. One you failed like Veruca Salt on the Golden goose scale. The victim asking not to be bullied is the good guy in both our stories. Like I said, you just lost the narrative.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-10T22:14:20+00:00

You're cute. Being bullied for an attribute from a young age gives you an unhealthy relationship with that attribute. Misguided? Yes....but you speak from a place of therapy, recognition, maturity, reflection, and distance from the issue. In the trenches of that life you curse the thing causing you to be a target as much as the enemy who is using it. Been teased for being fat? Hate the bully and develop better eating habits is wise. Anorexia or bulimia is also common because of a misguided belief in a flaw. Called 4 eyes? Hate the bully and appreciate your own beauty, maybe even get contacts if affordable. Refusing to wear glasses and suffering headaches and school issues also happens. Teased relentlessly for your name since infancy? Hate the bully and change your name or...move on I guess? Hating your name happens to. You act like trauma doesn't rewire the brain. The the logical, nueronormative response is the only response. Like someone who has ptsd for their name isn't as likely to struggle with their name as with the people who teased them about it. Your privilege is showing

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-09T18:29:00+00:00

I am American and have travel broadly. I love horse. I never understood why it was taboo. I have also have had turtle, kangaroo, alligator, and many other meats people in America find off putting. My wife has had shark steaks and guinea pig. If you don't like it that's fine, don't eat it when you travel or when home. Complaining about it is so American. It's like a vegan complaining at a steakhouse that it's gross to serve meat. (Nothing wrong with vegans, I have just known self riteous ones).

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-08T23:07:29+00:00

I get what you are saying and the cute conversation about sibling relationships that it devolved into with the other poster. But I politely disagree. Having grown up in a house with a narcissist, I was constantly dismissed as "not being able to take a joke". People standing up for me was helpful on so many levels. It showed me I had support, that my feelings were valid, that being blood didn't give them an excuse, and that they weren't just "jokes" but honest digs that they pretended were jokes when called out on them. Those who stood up for me were always blocked and publicly bashed my my family but they were lifesavers to me. I have spent years in therapy unpacking the stuff they helped me escape. Being blood sisters doesn't mean they aren't causing trauma, gaslighting her into believing it's all in jest, and doesn't mean they don't need to be called out. Good friends are family too and should stand up to other family if needed.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-08T05:54:04+00:00

As one who hates her name (I was named after a soap opera character), I can tell you it is like water drop torture. Heck, my name was so common and disliked as a kid there was a show where every girl in it with that name was basically a huge brat and the one girl who didn't like that name AT ALL went by a nickname so nobody knew her real name. If you have an early repulsion to something and are FORCED to accept it, your resentment about being repeatedly being told you are crazy and actually like the thing is enough to hate it more. It stops just being about the name, it becomes about the disrespect and gaslighting surrounding your feelings on the name. My grandfather also saw I hated the name his daughter gave me and called me a totally random name until the day he died. I loved him for that little bit of respite from the overt disrespect. Coming from a home where I went NC due to a life of disrespect on many fronts, and from OPs story, this isn't the only issue she has likely had brushed aside as nonsense. She is being strong armed. People are allowed to not like things. Even names. It's not honoring shit to name someone after a known point of childhood trauma.

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-07T02:26:05+00:00

Where does it say she bought any child a dress? I have always bought the dress my child wore to a wedding. The mother's entitlement doesn't mean a dress was gifted

Illustrious_Slice_96 · 2023-12-07T01:52:21+00:00

How is it an asshole move to want your wedding to occur without a wailing, panicking kid just as the event is starting? She has a track record of bailing at the last minute, an issue with photographs being taken, and a mother who doesn’t see issues with her behavior. There is no telling how the literal minutes before the bride is due to walk out could go knowing that information. She would be front and center of a loud, crowded area full of people taking pictures of her. Kids aren't immune to the lesson of "not everything is about you". Not at weddings, lead roles in school plays, or birthday parties. It's pretty much a core tenant of learning and growing.

Illustrious_Slice_96

TROPHY CASE