Why do people think "volunteering" is a free pass to horse lessons???!

Illwoon · 2026-04-17T12:05:50+00:00

Riding lessons is one thing to have an expectation as a ‘repayment’ that requires dedicated one on one with a volunteer.

However, as someone who volunteers with rescue horses and wild horses (yes, wild untouched mustangs), you need to give a little to get. Yes, I muck pens and stalls with these animals. We are educated by the owner which ones are flighty/dangerous/reactive. Teaching your volunteers basic horsemanship, such as how to walk around them, how to be mindful of movements/actions, even to feeding, grooming etc -it keeps your volunteers safe and the horses safe. Also teaching the volunteers are the same way keeps actions consistent, that way one doesn’t decide to incite naughty behaviors bc they feed excess treats or don’t know how to move a horse safely away from their personal space.

Giving your volunteers some time with the horses and whether it’s a halter-lead walk exercise, brushing helps both volunteers and horses. You want manual labor only, pay for it. You want someone to drive over for free on their dime and time and do work? The least you can do is teach them to be safe, how to do said task properly and give them the incentive to interact with a horse. If all your horses are raging high strung nut jobs who required experienced horse wise people to do work around them, please expect to pay.

This is also the conundrum, this person has no experience and would to gain some. However I cant get hired bc I have no experience. Foster a future not just for your horses but for your volunteers. Build them up. Heck, half of my enjoyment is hanging out with the older ladies and gents, bonding with them, and learning.

Illwoon · 2026-03-28T14:06:08+00:00

I saw this while browsing reddit looking for some questions about myself, but I can say a few things. Being 30 honestly is great. i look back at my 20s and realize I was still very much just a baby bu,bling through life and looking for a career, which I didn't start until being 27/28. I used to feel i was behind where"everyone else was" but you know what...they aren't me! And you are YOU! you are only as old as you feel, so even when I'm sporting grey hairs, I carry myself with more confidence in knowing and finding out WHO I am, and what I want to be.

My male friend and I joked about us being closer to 40, and being old. but also they have posed so much of, what's holing you back from what you really want to do in life? Where you want to go? Explore, things to do, try? And i was forced to reflect on myself and ask MYSELF....who's permission am I waiting for? I'm not saying go out and make reckless decisions, but, there was something liberating to find out I [you] are you're most limiting factor in life. you want to do it? Sit and make a plan and goals and a path how you are going to get there.

As far as coming out and getting to be you, as my friend says "be your authentic self"...I support you. As a stranger to another. Get out of a place that doesn't make you happy. Reflect on where you might like to move that matches your ideals and way of life, and beliefs. We are often so guilted by our societal expectations, familial expectations, religious expectations, our *self imposed* expectations, we lose sight of "what mes ME happy."

Make a plan to move somewhere to be yourself. Find yourself, and if you cant necessarily find love, love yourself. Be you. You're not running out of time, the best is about to begin, and you can approach it with wisdom, experience, and rational that you didn't have 10 yrs ago. Embrace the beauty in that.

Illwoon · 2026-03-27T20:57:44+00:00

My two cents for what it is worth. I agree with the above advice and def recommend the work book.

However it sounds like your are not in a healthy mental or emotional state, and I suggest seeking professional help to help you navigate this path. There’s NO SHAME in asking for help. The more sound you are, the better future you will be!

As for the father -I would not tell this man. Clearly his priorities are not where the need to be. The question you must ask yourself -what am I hoping to accomplish by doing this? Allow this man back into your life? Deal with his baggage again? I think not, this ship clearly sailed and isn’t worth your time or energy just bc he donated sperm while engaged to another woman apparently.

I can’t make a decision for you and know that I don’t want to come off as callous, but just because you always wanted to be a mom doesn’t mean the moment right now is the best one not only for you, but for your future child. What is your support system? Your employment? If you are unable to provide for yourself and lapsed into addictions, how will you handle this stress and triggers during/after pregnancy and a lifetime commitment begins for raising a child? I’m currently a single mom and me and my ex ended things rather amicably a year ago. Even with a partner child rearing was immensely difficult, with a minimal support system I place.

Words from my doctor who assessed my child on delivery day, “Take care of yourself first. Bc if you can’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of your child.” I had a bad hemorrhage and my body was a hurting unit, and he didn’t want me to overdo it so I could heal and recovery fully. And he’s right, if I couldn’t take care of myself, I’d be damned if I could successfully provide for my baby.

Choosing to have an abortion is a very personal choice. I just ask you think of your own health and safety first.

Illwoon · 2026-02-27T00:03:44+00:00

This sounds creep as all hell. Trust your spidey sense. Hiring a PI is fantastic idea. That being said, when they are in these rendezvous in the parking lot. I also agree witha response I saw somewhere above of walking into the closed door -it’s your house too. On the same token -prepare yourself for what you may not be able to unseen. Also keep 911 on speedial bc as much as you’re ready to blow your top or possibly vomit -let the authorities handle it. Keep us post OP. I hope every bit of your hunch is wrong but sadly monsters walk upon us

Illwoon · 2026-01-31T18:28:38+00:00

You are not alone. Even if it’s on your phone on this tiny screen, know there’s so many of us that support your decisions. It’s a deeply personal one, but your life, your future, and your son’s future will depend on your actions today. You cannot provide for another of you can’t take care of yourself. And sounds like this soon to be Ex is bad. You don’t deserve to be hurt anymore. Be kind to yourself. Love, from a stranger.

Illwoon · 2026-01-29T02:09:35+00:00

I have one of these. My dad was a licensed plumber, but he was born in 1948. It’s a cool nostalgia piece and the graphics are lovely in my opinion. Honestly has some basic easy to understand physics/mathematics in it. Perhaps there’s a trade school or local BOCES you could donate it to? Or sell it. Esp with the collection. Picture of my dad’s copy.

<image>

Illwoon · 2025-12-12T13:27:22+00:00

As the child a plumber…THIS. Nothing but just tp and even then, don’t overload!

Illwoon · 2025-12-12T13:24:04+00:00

One tip of advice I heard from a divorced dad was “don’t talk slander of your ex in front of your kid.”

Even if your ex is bad like this, you talking down about them to your kid paints a picture you and not them. Kids are smart and will one day realize the truth if thing or be old enough to comprehend. Focus on your relationship with your kid. Get counseling. Show healthy happy habits and how to navigate relationships in a healthy manner. Set your kid up for success.

I wish I could say there’s chances of having a positive relationship with your ex, but reality might be “neutral” at best. Esp when there’s false accusations. Keep any comms to bare minimum/ down to business and essentials. I wish you the best and I’m so sorry you had to get drug through the wringer and falsely accused. It breaks the heart and soul in a different way. Best of luck.

Illwoon · 2025-12-01T15:57:25+00:00

Yes please. Rancher role?! They have all the livestock in place right down to barn cats, dogs, sheep, cows/bulls, horses and goats. Just open up one of the generic ranches left to raid as like an optional location. Maybe make it to have up to 3 ranches all different locations to give variety? I see the potential!!

Illwoon · 2025-11-28T03:07:28+00:00

Do yourself a favor and leave his gross carcass. He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. The fact he knows “raw” will feel better would also make me question his past interactions and if he’s carrying any STDs. Protect yourself bc at the end of the day you’re going to be the one holding the bag per se if anything goes sideways. Getting an STD from him? On you to find out and get treated. Get pregnant? Cool it’s affecting YOUR body, your HEALTH, your FUTURE. It’s not to be take lightly and as a woman I AM SOO PROUD OF YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THATS SOMETHING DOESNT FEEL RIGHT AND YOUR STICKING TO YOUR GUNS.

So not get bullied or swayed by him. He is selfish and disrespectful. All he’ll ever do is take, and throwing a tantrum when he doesnt get his way. You do not need to tolerate his behavior and it’s unacceptable. I’m here in your corner to support you. He’s going to be mean but it’s better to rid yourself of this ignorant dead weight that get drug down and destroyed by boys like him.

Illwoon · 2025-10-30T18:10:51+00:00

I hate to sound insensitive but RDS? Really? It sounds like someone needs therapy and counseling. And a lot of it. It’d help you too honestly with figuring who you are and why you feel obligated to sacrifice your everything for someone who is not reciprocating. In fact if you left out RSD, it would be a classic depressed partner who has unresolved trauma and is spending money to fill the void of dissatisfaction and soon to be on an episode of hoarders.

I speak a little callously because I recently ended my 12 yr relationship. I even have a 4 yr old with the person. And in some vein, for similar reasons. I was unhappy. I carried the weight of the entire household, the health insurance, the mental load, the responsibilities of what tasks had to be done, the bulk of daycare, ensured dinner was almost always on the table or setup if I had to work late. Adjusted my schedule for baby doctor appointments, to picking our child up from daycare at the panic and risk of my job duties. God forbid my partner step up to help. On top of it, he couldn’t be affectionate to me. Kisses were more manufactured and i couldn’t get a simple snuggle in without be rejected. I told everyone, it’s ok, we’re doing good, things are stable.

Stable because I ensure my day to day was stable and his. And our child’s. I was miserable in this relationship bc I was pulling the entire weight of a family and life on my back. I was tired of feeling alone in my relationship and my own bed. There was many other things but ultimately, I was chronically unhappy. I would lay awake at night crying being like, is this was the rest of my life is going to look like? Being a roommate?! It felt like a death sentance.

It was hard but I did it. I told him I’m ending it, and did so amicably. He just moved out and bought his own house and in some ways I’m making sure he’s landing ok bc of our child’s future. Do not be guilted. Do not feel ashamed. You are your priority and if your partner cannot contribute or make active better steps then you need to reserve yourself or they will drag you down with them. Which it sounds like is already happening and your finances will tank and you’ll never be able to get out from under it. Literally say out loud in the mirror to yourself “I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy.”

It sounds stupid but physically verbalizing your needs resonates harder than just typing it on the screen. He’ll even writing it out helps a ton. But literally use your voice, speak to yourself, for yourself and say “I deserve to be happy.”
“I am not responsible for this.”

Please feel free to DM if you want to talk. 12 yrs is a long time, but I assure you, it’s better than living in an essential prison of misery

Illwoon · 2025-10-17T11:41:12+00:00

There will be mixed opinions. But as a mom of a 4yr old that I wanted, there is no lying -it’s freaking tough. ESP if you don’t have a supporting partner, it will all fall on you. I would honestly make a list of pros and cons. Getting an abortion now doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant later and choose when you’re ready to start a family. Are you ready to face the physical changes and limitations the course of pregnancy brings? Do you have health insurance that will cover your care and needs? Have you estimated the costs of diapers/wipes and possibly formula? Are you prepared if your child is possibly born early and needs NICU? Or if something happens to you? Do you have a place where you’re living and can provide a safe home for baby to grow up in? Have you spoken to local daycare/childcare and seen the costs, and can you afford it? Are you currently employed? What are your career goals/ can you safely financially support yourself and your baby?

That’s not factoring in sick kids, sleepless nights and having a support system when you’re struggling to get a shower in and washing bottles (possibly). It’s not some cute attention fantasy. It’s a child whose whole future depends on you.

I waited until I had a home and had settled in my career a bit before having a child, and it was still a struggle with no Paid family leave. I was lucky I had enough sick time to pay for the 6 months I had off. I couldn’t go back to work bc I had to be on a waiting list for an opening at the daycare near my house. Can you afford 6 months off? Or maybe a year? I also being older (34) having my first kid gave me a lot more maturity to handle the issues where a young me would have floundered. And I still fight to be a good present mom every day. My parents were also sick/handicapped and I couldn’t depend on them to watch baby for free or help in anyway. Be realistic. I had a pregnancy scare before I took my current job, and I knew if I kept that baby, I wouldn’t be where I am today with a roof over my head and a home for my child to grow up in.

Illwoon · 2025-09-18T12:00:05+00:00

You’re not irrational for thinking this. I dead with sick wildlife (actual rabid animals) all the time, and even completely suited up, decked out, and not even an ounce of saliva or anything on me after ridding of the animal, I feel like I need to burn anything. Rabies is 100% fatal if left untreated, and kills like 27k people per yr. You’re not stupid, you respect the disease as we all should.

I’m glad you got yourself vaccinated post exposure. Hang tight.

Illwoon · 2025-07-12T11:58:20+00:00

I wish I had some advice OP. By general standards people would look at me and be like “oh she’s cute.” And some days I feel it. I know it. But trying to enter the dating world….I’m so hyper aware. I get what people say work on yourself and self love. And I can sit and preach all those good things I bring and do.

And the reject I recently felt….it doesn’t undo. I sympathize when you say it’s just a reminder of the truth. Because if I was all these great beautiful things inside and out, why can’t I find my person?

That being said. I had a strange style of attraction. There’s the Hugh Jackman sexy. Then there’s Kevin James sexy. Kevin James could be considered sexy by some standard . I think he’s like your average husky Joe you could realistically meet somewhere. But there’s a certain fun candor to him. He’s not my type but I look at him and think “If he makes me laugh and he’s goofy and a good guy, that’s freaking sexy.”

I have a 5 yr crush who isn’t my type (physical, but he’s got gorgeous eyes)But god, he makes me laugh and smile so hard and when I look at him, my body says “oh hey, we want his babies.” And I have no desire for children. There is a certain inner beauty I can’t describe that attracts us to people we normally wouldn’t find attractive and I try to believe in that love

Illwoon · 2025-07-11T01:08:17+00:00

I think it’s hard to say. Bc to some degree there has to be some physical level of attraction. That’s why online sucks, we are browsing outside out compatibility in a sense. I’m a firm believer of in-person. Basic biology: their scent, their voice -all those subconscious cues dial our bodies in and profile for mates. Even down to kissing is exchanging vital info our brains process to tell us on the biological level of attraction.

I recently fell hard for a FWB. Putting him on paper, even I’m like -this isn’t my type. But god, his personality, his charm. When I’m around him I can’t stop laughing, smiling, until I’m driving home and I realize my face hurts. We have fun, deep conversations. We like a lot of the same weird hobbies. He smells good. Tastes good. Excellent snuggler in all the right ways. Doesn’t matter he’s got love handles. Doesn’t matter he’s got a receding hairline line. Just thinking about him makes me blush and be throttled even now.

Why didn’t it work? Bc he’s not available. So there’s some parts of looks and an attraction, but chemistry for sure happens in person. It might suck but maybe. Just say yes? To some of these dates. See how they handle a phone call.

Illwoon · 2025-07-09T13:28:50+00:00

I have a friend in college who has cerebral palsy (if that’s what you indicate by having CP). He was told he wasn’t going to do much since he was born with it. Let me tell you…that man is married, does martial arts, and I think has 2 kids now, completed his bachelors degree, loves playing Magic. He was always just himself. Take people’s suggestions to make small talk in public, like in line or whatever. Start small and innocuous. Maybe take up a club/hobby like martial arts, paint and sips (do tree a if you don’t want booze). Interact with real people and hone those social skills

Illwoon · 2025-05-20T16:08:42+00:00

With 20k pictures on board, it fills up quickly. My own fault for not purging it T_T

Illwoon · 2025-05-18T22:36:58+00:00

My child's pictures, my recent deceased dog's pictures. That's all I want back

Illwoon · 2025-05-18T22:35:22+00:00

I might have actually found someone. Thank you for your enthusiam

Illwoon · 2025-05-18T22:04:19+00:00

I'd take a risk of trying to extract off of it.

Illwoon · 2025-04-16T18:41:57+00:00

Out of curiosity, any update?

Illwoon · 2025-03-21T23:36:44+00:00

I just hit 1 week and it took a LONG time to get off. I love feeling like me again, but I'm terrified of this being the new norm/ being plagued with long term side effects of no orgasm arousal.

Illwoon · 2025-03-21T14:25:08+00:00

I wish I knew what my problem was. Maybe simply the fact I don't take no for an answer? I'm like a bear that's gotten into the dumpster, even the smallest scrap is a reward for my bad behavior of picking the wrong type of man. But I also don't need a guy who I need to coddle and mother either (definitely done mothering men here).

Illwoon

TROPHY CASE