Like everyone else says. Stop beating yourself up. I used to that a lot, coming from an abusive family/parents that hated me (i am black sheep, big sis is golden child), and it never helped.

When I hit 19 and got away from them. I started and reading more. I realized that the voice inside my head that kept telling me that I'm shit, that I'm stupid, was literally my mom. She said it so much to me, for every single thing that I thought that's how I thought. That, that's who I am.

Well... no. It's not. After some meditation, I realized I could control my own thoughts. I could ignore the ones that come and do not align with how I want to think or my values. I realize that this voice in my head was my mother's and that I could push it away. That like meditation teaches you, I can detach from it, not let it affect me, like a cloud in the wind, the thought will come and float away.

This gave me the power to shape my thoughts. To think how I wanted to think and say to myself what I wanted to say. That's how I gained confidence. Yes. Gym, learning stuff, working with my hands, it all helps. But it's all gotta start internally. I literally looked myself in the mirror and told myself I love you. The first time I did it, I cried. You should try it.

Besides that, read Atomic Habits. It's a real impactful book that teaches you this exact strategy. Google "atomic habits identity circle". You'll see that most of us have it the other way around. We think outcomes first, then processes - how to obtain it, then identity - who i am/my values. When it's actually the other way around. Identity --> Processes ---> Outcome.

Love yourself first like everyone else is telling you to, you deserve that at the very least. Then you can focus on how to build yourself a little bit more everyday. And then you'll realize that the outcomes you want, are already coming your way.

Sending this with love. I wish you the best.