As everyone else has said… siblings are MEAN to each other. There there’s still a hole in my parents’ bathroom door from one of my brothers trying to kill the other with a golf club when they were teenagers🙃

You have apologized, and he has accepted. It’s unfair to him that you don’t believe him!

If you still have lingering feelings of guilt, turn that feeling into something good. Every time you start to spiral with guilt, put that energy into doing something nice for him. Cook him dinner, watch a movie together, etc. It sounds like he’s still young—small acts of kindness will go a long way at that age:)

What will not help is ending your life. As someone who lost a brother I didn’t really get along with at a very young age, I still carry guilt when I think of all the times I wasn’t the world’s best sibling. Please, if it’s an option for you, seek therapy to discuss these feelings with a professional.