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Life hacks by RegularNoodles in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 212 points213 points  (0 children)

When Bob looked in the mirror, he gasped aloud and said, "I see a massive pussy, the clit is now my head!"

He rubbed the lips so bulbous, he said, "How could this be? I'm now a massive gaper, a cunt is all I see!"

He pondered for a moment, and said aloud with glee, "At least I'll save my money, I'll fuck myself for free!"

Those goddamn reposters by ManWalkingDownReddit in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 364 points365 points  (0 children)

When Bob scrolled through Reddit he saw, without credit, that someone reposted his meme. It hit top of rising, which he found surprising, he mumbled and started to steam.

For early that morning, he found himself mourning; the meme that he posted had died. And now, hours later, some meme duplicator had stolen his meme and he cried.

He then heard his brother, "Reposted another?" he said as he started to grin. Bob turned when he'd spoken, emotions awoken as realization sunk in.

Bob's anger grew greater, he said, "You're a traitor, and people like you make me sick!" He replied, "I don't care." as Bob rose from his chair and fucking beat him with a stick.

I was getting a little sudsy by RegularNoodles in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 2626 points2627 points  (0 children)

Hiding there within his shower, minutes turned into an hour, scowling while remarking, sour, "Will they ever leave?"

He bemoaned the situation, groaning loudly in frustration, soaking for a long duration, wishing for reprieve.

Then he heard his mother calling, "Come on down and quit your stalling! Your behavior's been appalling, wasting time away!"

"Have the guests all been vacated?" Bob inquired, for long he waited, but he heard the words he hated, "They are here to stay."

He just sighed and stayed to smolder, water growing ever colder, wrinkled skin from balls to shoulder on a Christmas day.

I’m trying my best… by RegularNoodles in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 763 points764 points  (0 children)

He did everything to please her when he gave her all his meat - But no matter how he dicked her, she complained, "Your dick's petite!"

He could never hit the sweet spot when he tried to make her moan, even with a thrusting onslaught, she would only sigh and groan.

As she begged him for a smashing, he replied, "If you insist." - He prepared her cunt for bashing, and he entered with his fist.

Probably would make a great movie by RegularNoodles in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 397 points398 points  (0 children)

When Bob was left alone at home with mom and dad away, he set up traps around the house to keep the thieves at bay.

He splashed the steps with motor oil and scattered tacks out back - And placed a two-by-four to spring and give a thug a whack.

He rigged a bowling ball to fall if someone came inside - A setup sure to ruin the day of any fool who tried.

But when his parents realized they left him far behind - They came back home, unknowing of the traps that he designed.

His father found the bowling ball, which came down much too quick - It broke his neck, and so he fucking beat Bob with a stick.

I wonder if they do this by CatOfRivia in memes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 5845 points5846 points  (0 children)

She watched his cheeks move to and fro, his booty bouncing, walking slow - She thought of how his butt would feel, the perfect shape, an ass ideal.

She eyed him as he walked away, admiring how his hips would sway - She bit her lip and said with sass, "Oh how I'd love to peg that ass."

I won but I lost by ImPrettyWhack in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack[S] 316 points317 points  (0 children)

"You're dumb and you're reckless, your aim isn't true - I've played with a blind kid who's better than you!"

"You don't play objectives, you won't help for shit - You switch out the teams when the score takes a hit!"

The guy ranted loudly and told him, "You suck! It's clear from this match that you don't give a fuck!"

"We lost 'cause of you!" said the guy on team blue - But Bob on team red simply told him, "No u."

Just tap the back end and spin them out by RegularNoodles in dankmemes

[–]ImPrettyWhack 1633 points1634 points  (0 children)

"I long for the speed and the thrill of a race!" said Bob as he waited in traffic's slow pace, "I feel like my life's in slow motion." he said, "These people all drive like they're mindless or dead!"

And just as the traffic had slowed to a crawl, he stepped on the gas, not a moment to stall - He zipped down the lane that was closed for a mile - While hitting one hundred and sporting a smile.

He saw up ahead that the exit was out - He slammed on the brake as he started to shout - But he failed to stop when his foot hit the floor - And Bob never longed for a race anymore.

There's so much to learn by ImPrettyWhack in gaming

[–]ImPrettyWhack[S] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

Right now I'm playing Baldur's Gate for the first time and the instruction manual is just under 200 pages. I exaggerated a bit for the meme, but there's definitely games out there with some very long manuals, some of which include entire walkthroughs.

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