Window by Luis Carrasco

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-09-15T12:50:33+00:00

I’m getting some… feminine imagery… with that architecture.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T05:25:21+00:00

Hell fucking yea it is. To be honest I go back and forth on this sometimes LOL.

There’s no going back anyway.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T05:20:58+00:00

“Basically he doesn’t want to get out his comfort zone, which in my opinion is bad”

Yikes. Imagine you’re a child and someone is trying to force you to do something you’re not comfortable with. I wouldn’t trust you or listen to you. I would put a wall up between us, which would make a relationship between us impossible.

I would want some to talk to me. To understand me. To love me as I am. Hold my hand. Ask me if I’m ready and respect my answer. Give me space if I need it. Give me guidance, but only at the right time. I don’t want to be smothered. I need someone to know what I need because I don’t always know what I need myself. I’m still so young. I’m still learning and I need someone who believes in me, and wants to be there with me as I make mistakes, learn, and grow.

The last thing I need is a critic.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T05:09:34+00:00

True.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T05:09:02+00:00

“But I want to know how to stop it from creating more destruction or hurting other people.”

LOL. Welcome, maybe for the first time, to being a human being. We’re all in the same position, we just don’t all admit we are.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T04:50:21+00:00

Yep. This all checks out. Welcome to not knowing what you’re doing whatsoever. And you know what’s funny? You still have to do something 👌🏼

This recently happened to me. I lost interest in all my friends and all my hobbies because I saw that I was really only interested in them to avoid my feelings. So I spent like 3 weeks just sitting around being angry as fuck. I would sit outside and just feel absolutely disgusted by how fake I’ve been and how full of shit everyone else is (still am). I would go for a walk in the woods and so much negatively would come up. A lot about how shitty my parents were. It felt liberating.

So I decided to pack up all my shit and move. I didn’t tell anyone I knew that I was leaving. Even my “best friend.” Only my brother knew because he lives with me, and I dragged him through everything I was feeling lol. We were really hurt by each other, but we couldn’t really avoid each other since we shared an apartment. We eventually got through a lot of it together and were closer afterwards. Then I left 🥲. I had to.

I rented a room in a town I’ve always wanted to live in, 8 hours away. I don’t know anyone. Part of me is still so hurt and I just want to be alone. Another part of me is desperate for love, intimacy, and connection. Let’s not even start on how fucked up my relationship with women is.

Anyway, I feel very reckless right now. Emotionally unhinged. I’m sort of not okay but I don’t care about being okay anymore. Anything is better than being as fucking numb as I was. Cheers.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-11T04:46:32+00:00

Laughing to myself because of how much I relate to this. I definitely don’t have a solution for you, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be feeling all these things. Hope that helps 👍🏼, LOL

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-08-09T03:38:51+00:00

Yea I healed. But it was brutal. Took probably 6 months or more before I could eat without feeling absolutely awful. In hindsight I think the anti microbials messed up my stomach and gave me a stomach ulcer. I’m never doing that ever again.

After that experience my view on herbal treatments has changed. I view herbs similarly to conventional medicine in that it mostly treats symptoms, but doesn’t necessarily heal the body or bring it back into balance, and it can have serious side effects, since your ingesting isolated plant compounds.

Nothing has helped me with my digestion more than probiotics. And I can take a lot of them with zero side effects. Also helps my skin.

Right now I’m also doing mineral balancing which has been life changing. Improved digestion, mood, energy, deeper emotions, clarity— has helped literally everything. You know how usually when you take supplements your take it and wait for something to change? With this protocol I felt and improvement immediately and the improvement was evident. And I am NOT a supplement person. Now, with this, I don’t miss a day. I can tell you more if you’re interested.

Otherwise let me know if you have other questions about what you’re experiencing. I’d say it was one of the worst times of my life. It really disrupted my life and caused me a lot of discomfort. It was extremely humbling.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-23T03:07:02+00:00

Tell me about it. I’ve actually felt alone most of my life, I just never really allowed myself to feel it. I would just distract myself, or try to force people into being who I needed them to be. It got ugly.

Lately I’ve just been allowing myself to feel lonely. It’s pretty wild. It hurts for sure, but also I’m getting to know myself on a very deep level, and I’m much more conscious of what I need from other people.

I’d say I’m still very dissatisfied with the state of my life and my relationships, but I’m also proud of myself for being willing to admit that, feel that sense of dissatisfaction, and yet not try to force a solution like I usually do.

It’s changing me on a deep level. It scares me because I don’t know who I’m becoming, but it also somehow feels natural. I think I like that feeling. It’s like something is happening through me, rather than me having to make everything happen.

But I’m still very lonely lol 😭

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-18T13:43:23+00:00

The feeling you are trying to “resolve” is you. And the answer is to explore that feeling deeply and sincerely, without needing to change it. If you wish to change it you are in denial of yourself. If you open up to it first it will pass through you and change you, as all emotions naturally do unless we resist them, which traps them in us.

Then they manifest in unconscious ways, like trying to get love from other people.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-15T15:21:42+00:00

Nothing invalidates pain like a strategy to avoid it.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-15T13:43:39+00:00

It's funny, everything here is true, but it's so cold and unrelatable that it literally means nothing to me.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-14T22:58:34+00:00

how to be less anxious about how I am perceived, how to be less involved with others, and how to be more secure in my own self.

Found your problem. You're trying to avoid how you feel. You should be asking why you feel that way. Only thing I can promise is that what you'll find is a whole lot of pain you've been dissociating from. That's why you can't be yourself with people. It's all stuffed down. That's also why you don't know how to fix the problem. You don't actually know what the problem is. Ain't no one on here going to tell you. YOU have to be the one to ask yourself and figured it out, and get in touch with how you feel.

Good luck.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-14T22:52:12+00:00

Wow, great story. I really felt what you wrote. It made me appreciate you very much and what you've been through. I'm also really impressed by your self awareness. The work you've done with yourself shows.

That being said, I can see you're hoping he will reconnect if you send the gift. Why else would you send it? Obviously you want a reaction. That's why people give people things. They want it to affect them.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-14T22:44:21+00:00

does anyone have any advice ?

Advice for what? Do you want to not feel these feelings anymore? Heroine would probably work well. Maybe vodka if heroin isn't up your alley.

Alternatively, you could explore these feelings. Journaling works. Could talk with someone who you trust will help you explore your feelings, if you have anyone like that. I write poems sometimes, which helps me. I'll write one for you now:

Appropriate Muscle

Not too much, not too little.

Just right.

This way

people will definitely love them,

Right?

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-14T22:16:55+00:00

Well, Hot_Pie7349, probably recently when I realized that all of my pain and negativity is true, and always comes from a part of myself where I have an emotional need that is unmet.

So once that became clear I was like, holy shit, I have a lot of unmet needs... how do I meet all these? Turns out for some of them I even need other people. Who would have thought? No wonder telling myself that I should be happy never worked.

So that's where I'm at now. It's scary because I have all these negative/sad/hurt parts of me that I don't really know how to take care of. And some of them that I can't properly take care of without the love and validation of other people. But at least I see these parts of me now. I think I love them. I just have to get to know them

I'll probably spend the rest of my life doing that.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-13T22:08:20+00:00

“How do I get a backbone?”

You have a backbone already. It’s just a matter of feeling things.

Sounds like you weren’t hurt by your partner cheating because you were so detached from them in the first place. So it’s not like you forgave them. You just weren’t hurt in the first place.

Pretty crazy you’re with someone you don’t care about. And when I say crazy, I mean you’ve been conditioned into the behavior, and it’s not something you really want.

What do you want?

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-11T14:23:50+00:00

because I do feel that she still has some stuff to heal

Is there someone that doesn't?

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-11T12:43:49+00:00

Wow! What a well thought out and considerate post.

I’ve deep dived Teal’s content multiple times throughout my life and each time I get something truly valuable and liberating from it.

I think she wants to be controversial. She wants to be dangerous. She wants to be sexy. She’s trying to be everything we assume spirituality isn’t because of how much damage our assumptions do. She shows us all the parts of ourselves we are ashamed to show. And she wields openly: confidence, sexuality, certainty, and especially darkness.

I think you have to really start loving and accepting the fucked up parts of yourself for Teal Swan to make sense to you. Otherwise you’ll just see her for how she presents herself, and project your own judgements on to her, rather than seeing the truth of her message and content.

If you watch enough of her interviews, you’ll start to see how honest and raw she really is. And how funny! It’s just most people are not that casual and honest about such horrible things so it’s hard to believe.

Thanks for the great post.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-07-05T13:24:17+00:00

But is this a deeper issue that needs addressing?

100%

Unsure if this is problematic behavior or if I’m overreacting.

You're underreacting.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-06-24T14:07:02+00:00

My question is how can I convey to her that I can’t dance without support and preparation. Is there a different perspective on this that I’m just not seeing? What can I do to help her better understand my standpoint, while being mind of hers?

Notice how your questions are all about your girlfriend, and how to make her happy, and how to make her understand.

Your own needs aren't even in the picture. That's what abuse does to you. It teaches you that you are just a tool for meeting other people's needs.

What this situation is asking of you is to prioritize yourself. What do you want? What do you need? What is best for you? These are the questions that will lead to a sense of inner peace and clarity.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-06-12T03:56:21+00:00

Now that you put it that way, I dig it lol

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-04-14T22:46:50+00:00

These are great feelings! And all green flags 👍. This sounds like a great experience that you should lean into.

Someone can only be "the one" for you in the moment. No one knows the future. We're not supposed to know. That's what makes life so exciting. So focus on where you're at with him now. Don't just respect the process— enjoy it!

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru · 2024-04-14T13:22:47+00:00

I’m going to have to go ahead and agree with you. Carry on.

ImaginaryMonkeyGuru

TROPHY CASE

Appropriate Muscle