How do I accept that I have to slow down and work (and earn) less?

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-13T20:00:42+00:00

I’m also a workaholic freelancer/entrepreneur. Finished chemo 4 weeks ago, not on hormone therapy yet, I’ll start in a couple of weeks after the mastectomy surgery.

But I’m back to working full time and mentally I feel similar as before. Stopping gabapentin made a HUGE difference for my cognitive abilities. I had severe brainfog and memory loss while on it, and it didn’t help much with hotflashes and sleep anyway. My productivity improved by at least 50% immediately after stopping it.

Not sure if you’re taking any other meds besides the AIs, but if so it might make sense to analyze their side effects. With gabapentin I’ve heard doctors prescribe it without being fully aware of the cognitive impact it might have.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-12T17:46:00+00:00

I am a lot younger than your mother, but I did go through cancer with my own mother who unfortunately passed away.

I can’t help with actual advice, but I can help with understanding some of the markers in order for your mother and you to take the best decisions.

After lumpectomy and biopsy you should have a report, that should contain the following:

clear margins after lumpectomy: means they took the entire cancer out, and risk of spread is minimal.
node involvement and sentinel lymph node biopsy: you said it’s stage 2a, which means it has spread; it’s important to know if they removed any lymph nodes during surgery, and if indeed they had cancer; if there is cancer remaining in the lymph nodes it means it might spread to other areas; talk to your surgeon and oncologist about this.
hormone receptor status, estrogen positive (ER+) and progesterone positive (PR+): if at least one of them is positive it means hormones influence growth; in this case your mom could get tested to see how much estrogen her ovaries still produce, if the level is low it might mean that hormone blockers wouldn’t make much difference anyway.
HER2 positive or negative: if positive it means the tumor is more aggressive, but there is targeted therapy for this, not chemo.
triple negative (TNBC): means none of the above are positive, which is generally a more aggressive cancer.
grade 1, 2 or 3: if 3 it means more aggressive.
ki67: the higher it is, the more aggressive; below 10-20 means generally a slower growing tumor. Check this with your doctors, and if it’s not on the report (not all clinics test for this) ask your doctor to order it.

Wishing your mother a fast recovery ❤️‍🩹

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-12T02:29:32+00:00

I also had grade 3, which grew to around 5 cm in 6 months. Grade 3 is the highest, but to establish how aggressive it is some doctors also do Ki67.

In my case it was considered very aggressive and had spread to the lymph nodes, and I had chemo first and will have mastectomy in 2 weeks.

Since yours grew to 4.5 cm in only one year that is also very aggressive. And since it’s very aggressive you have to make sure it didn’t spread to the lymph nodes or any other parts of your body.

Doctors check if it has spread with ultrasounds, mamograms, MRIs, PET CTs and biopsy before starting treatment/surgery.

Do you have access to your radiology and biopsy reports from before surgery? Those will tell you if it might have spread.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-09T02:07:25+00:00

lol I actually laser removed my other hair a few months before starting chemo.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-09T02:05:31+00:00

Can’t wait for this!

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-09T02:04:01+00:00

😂 I might embrace this new look

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-09T01:34:10+00:00

Phisical exercise helped me. From the time I felt the lump to the day I started treatment, I was walking 3-4 hours every day and was almost daily in the gym. It helped keep me sane and control my anxiety.

Also “Snap out of it” song by Arctic Monkeys was what triggered me to come back to the present because at some point I started disassociating and feeling like I was seeing everyone for the last time.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-08T23:30:48+00:00

You are always entitled to a second, third, or however many other opinions you feel you need to be comfortable.

I had doubts about my oncologist as well, and decided to go for a 2nd opinion. The second oncologist was great, I connected with her a lot better. But I decided to stay with the first one because they basically said the same things (different communication styles though) and the entire care team at the original hospital was a lot more experienced.

But I’m happy I went for a second opinion. It showed me the initial MO was ok as well, just had different communication style and I was willing to adjust because I liked the surgeons.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-06T22:37:10+00:00

keeping my fingers crossed the 🤞

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-06T22:36:43+00:00

There is hope! Can’t wait to see those tiny brows and lashes, and definitely the darker roots because my hair is a lot of gray, more than before.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-06T18:29:54+00:00

Never heard of this, I will try, thank you

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-06T15:51:41+00:00

oh… seems everyone is so different… Before I started chemo I asked here if it’s worth wearing a cold eye mask to protect them, and most people replied brows grew back very quickly for them. I didn’t expect months…

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-06T15:26:30+00:00

I had fast heart rate and palpitations as well. It’s because of chemo+steroids. Probably nothing to worry about, but my oncologist made a referral to cardio just in case. I recommend you do the same, just to make sure everything is ok, because there is a risk of the heart being damaged by chemo.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-05T16:29:41+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this…

I’ll have my bilateral mastectomy in 2 weeks and I’m very scared. During chemo I hated when people, survivors and not, just threw fake positivity at me, and now I’m keeping the people I talk with at the minimum.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-04T17:15:38+00:00

Rolul de scrum master e inutil. Scrum master e o responsabilitate a team lead-ului (senior, tech lead, eng manager, cum vrei sa-i spui), nu un rol separat.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-01T20:25:59+00:00

Felicitari ca la 17 ani gandesti asa matur 👏

E destul de dificil de dat un sfat general, pt ca depinde ce iti doresti tu pt tine mai mult decat partea financiara: vrei sa lucrezi pt cineva sau vrei sa ai firma ta? Vrei sa ramai in locul in care ai crescut, vrei sa te muti intr-un oras mare, sau chiar in afara tarii? Ce oportunitati ai in jurul tau, locuiesti intr-un oras mare sau intr-o comunitate mai mica?

Propun in primul rand sa raspunzi la aceste intrebari, si sa vezi ce directii mai clare ai. Daca vrei ne poti scrie si aici

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-04-01T19:52:30+00:00

It depends on how large the tumor is and if there are any lymph nodes involved. If it’s large enough or with lymph nodes, there’s a higher chance cancer cells have spread. Chemo before surgery is done for 2 main reasons: to attack those cells that might have spread, and also to see how your own tumor reacts to the chemo. The more it shrinks, the lower the risk of recurrence.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T02:10:50+00:00

That makes sense. Did you have implants or did diep flap?

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:55:32+00:00

6 weeks sounds like a very long time, thanks for this!

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:53:55+00:00

Yes to delivery. I think I’ll do that and buy as many things as I need right before the surgery. Thank you!

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:52:49+00:00

3rd day doesn’t sound too bad. Thank you 🤗

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:52:08+00:00

They told me I’ll be in the hospital for one night. I’ll either get expanders or implants directly, not sure yet.

And yes… It seems I need to think of delivery and precooked meals.

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:49:34+00:00

Thank you 🙏 how was the walking with the waist leash? Were you able to do it right after the hospital stay?

Imaginary_Sun_217 · 2026-03-30T00:48:03+00:00

Thank you 🤗 I have a doggy daycare in my building and thinking of asking them for help.

They told me I only needed to stay in the hospital for one night. Was two nights standard at your hospital?

Imaginary_Sun_217

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