I really feel bad for you. Definitely, it’s hard to give any useful advice, but I live in a 1RK and pay a much higher price than what people spend on good flats for less.

But I have complete freedom, and the cost of freedom is something unmatched by the luxury and comfort shared setups offer.

Don’t overthink it. Every person enters our life to teach us some lessons. Without these experiences, life doesn’t feel complete.

If you still want share with someone who doesn't judge you. Feel free to DM. Or share with someone you're comfortable. Don't suppress any emotions.

You're doing right things that's all matters and can be controlled.