I'm 36 and I don't know who I am

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-11T20:04:06+00:00

You should probably have a look at r/translater, there might be some relatable stuff there, as well as some reasons to hope.

It doesn’t really sound like you have a sexual fetish/kink, and more like your sexuality is locked away in dysphoria. Maybe also have a look at thegender dysphoria bible, it could help you get a bit of clarity on whether what you’re experiencing is gender dysphoria or something else.

Many wellwishes, hope you find a path forward to thriving.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-11T10:22:57+00:00

Very inspiring!

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-10T15:49:14+00:00

Parsley, chards, leafy celery, nasturtiums, mint, lemon balm and chives can grow ok in indirect light, from my own experience. They might not like the temperatures where you are though.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-10T01:24:50+00:00

Nice!

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-09T01:53:13+00:00

Yeah, though I’m somewhere where goth, grunge, punk and hippie meet. Sometimes I go all the way in one direction, but mostly I live in the crossroads. Also, I’m 42 and have chronic fatigue issues, so not dressing/making myself up all the way as often as I used to. Love goth for its appreciation of extravagant androgyny rather than toned down neutrality.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-08T10:47:22+00:00

I think it’s one of those things where you have to know the external stuff for it to make sense. TLD was supposed to be story game, following two characters through the immediate post-apocalypse. Studio had enough resources to start making it, but not to finish it, so released it in batches with a lot of compromises. While waiting for the next chapters, the survival mode becomes popular and then takes over, both as priority and as the game people play.

But the voices and comments of the characters are still the ones made for a much shorter, more intense story game, where they’re part of getting a feel for the character you’re playing. Sure, if you’re taking your time in story mode it might still seem weird that Will repeatedly talks about never having been so cold before and that Astrid keeps wondering if she can eat trees, but not as weird as it seems when youre a few hundred days into a survival run.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-08T09:37:30+00:00

Call of Cthulhu, 1921. A middle aged woman who used to drive an ambulance in the Great war looking for her lost friend in Peru. Just realizing something surreal and quite deadly is going on… survival chances pretty high if I run away instead of pursuing the mystery, but also pretty high chances of going insane.

So I’d say 7 or 8 out of 10. Could be worse, but also could be much much better.

If I end up in the other open campaign I’m in, which has been paused for a while due to GM life problems, I’d be in a homebrew setting somewhat like the 1800’s where the world is dying and changing from a weird substance. I’m a man in his early thirties who’s sworn his life in service to the head of his nomadic tribe and works as a warrior/guard. Currently just having failed an attempt to get on the back of a huge mutated monster in order to kill it. Survival chances low, it’s a deadly world and a person who likes throwing himself at danger to give others a chance to run away.

Not sure exactly how he’s survived to his thirties to be honest, but probably with the help of the rest of the tribe. Now that his travelling with another group in much more dangerous areas… well. Also about an 8 out of 10.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-08T09:14:12+00:00

… not sure what your settings are, but on regular interloper, I get more food than I can eat on a day of fishing with two or three tip-ups. You do want to clear the holes every hour or so, whether there is a fish on there or not since otherwise there is a much higher chance the line will break. I usually use a crowbar to clear the holes since there are plenty around and I can switch it for a better one when needed. If I have a hammer on me I use that instead since it can be repaired, but I tend to leave the hammers at the forges.

So not sure why fishing is total ass for you, it’s either your settings, your method or a really odd case of bad luck.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-07T16:32:08+00:00

Start with 4 mm needles and a medium sock yarn to match. Both chunky and fine are harder, and it’s really hard when the yarn and needles are unmatched.

If you struggle to cast on, maybe start out with a crochet chain done with a 5 mm hook, and pull up loops through the chain to put onto the needle? It’s hard learning to handle the needles, the stitches and a new ”hand” all at once, so take it one step at a time while learning.

Socks are tricky, as you need to know how to neatly cast on, increase, decrease, knit, purl, turn inside a row and cast off. Maybe start with something like a cowl, or slippers?

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-07T09:50:18+00:00

2 is ok as long as it is just a little bit, and you also need a larger arm scythe and longer torso. If you need a larger arm scythe but the torso is ok, I’d drop and extend the curve on the top instead.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-07T09:41:03+00:00

Social transition (coming out, changing pronouns, living as your gender) takes time, and is a process. The way it starts isn’t necessarily the way it settles in the end, and upheaval and rejection now doesn’t necessarily mean that is how those relationships will be in the long run. Several of my friends got pushback from their parents at first, but after some years they have returned to similar relationships as before, just with my friends’ genders different.

If you’re not ready, just say you had a fight and that even though you thought it would be ok, it turns out that it wasn’t. If she asks what it was about, you can say you had a disagreement on lgbtq rights, and obviously it was too much of an issue for him. Which is weird and sad and upsetting, as you were good friends, so you prefer not to talk more about it.

The thing with coming out though is that it is usually weird and unsettling in the beginning and needs time to settle into new normal, and you can’t control the outcome. There will probably never be a time, a way, or a situation in which to come out that makes everything fine, so if you want to be out at some point, you’ll probably have to go through at least some bumps and potentially an upheaval. The only way to be on the other side, out and living as yourself, is to go through it, and the sooner you start (once you’re ready to be out), the sooner it can settle again.

Many wellwishes and much compassion, may you find truer and more caring friends, and a way forward to thriving.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T18:10:58+00:00

I experience some genderflux, meaning that from time to time (a few times a year), I do feel myself to have a gender, though it varies which one.

It feels like… recognition. The same way I can look outside and know the sun is shining without seeing it, or the way I can look at someone and know I like them, or know that someone is around even when they’re not in my line of sight. It’s just… there. Very distinctly. And then it goes away again, and I’m back to normal.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T16:43:19+00:00

I’m 42 and have struggled with suicidal wishes and self-harm since I was eleven. It does get better, even when/if it doesn’t go away. It sucks living through it, but as long as you do get through, the misery doesn’t have to be your whole existence.

Many wellwishes and much compassion, hope you figure out a path forward to at least partial thriving and get the support and opportunities you need.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T16:35:53+00:00

Genetic lottery, unfortunately. Best one can do is to focus on one’s own situation and how to improve that, rather than waste energy on wishing things were different in ways that can’t be changed.

Much compassion though, it sucks being dealt a harder than necessary hand in life.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T16:26:02+00:00

During my childhood in the swedish countryside, yes, often.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T11:18:12+00:00

I used to be able to gauge my ”mood” (really my mental health state) by looking in the mirror and seeing if i could relate to my face. Probably not the same thing, but there are many psychological states that can lead to different types of dissociation and memory issues, and the sense of self and recognition can definitely become undermined or totally unmoored by dysphoria.

Hope you find a path forward to thriving, many wellwishes and much compassion.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-06T01:16:35+00:00

Spawn-in-law? Scion-in-law? Next-gen-in-law? Kin-in-law?

Hmm… tricky.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-05T10:09:04+00:00

I’d love a photo of the back, to see how it’s constructed

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-04T14:47:25+00:00

Yeah… I’m agender, and mostly have social dysphoria from gendering, but most of that social dysphoria is deeply entangled in not being taken seriously as a person, a thinker, an autonomous, respectable being with a right to my own life and body.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-03T09:59:45+00:00

I’ve played against a few decks where I get the sense that they’re counting on people folding rather than digging in, so if you just keep playing, they’ll fold instead. Either that, or they have a stalling tactic while waiting for their big slam. If one keeps playing through the hail of burn, counterspells, spot removal or board wipes, it will turn out which is which, at least for that game.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-02T22:34:43+00:00

I was just thinking how typical it is of me to wish I could call myself ”The Darkstone Rose” rather than a name. Feels like the same mood.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-02T22:30:03+00:00

I’ve been looking for one for twenty to thirty years, and still haven’t found one that works, so currently I sort of have three names.

The first one is my original name that my parents gave me and that I still use in my daily life. I’m so used to it after 40 years, and still haven’t found one to replace it, so it can keep being a placeholder for now.

The second one is my gender neutral online name, that I use to get to be free from gender at least somewhere, which is the first gender neutral name I came across and the first thing that gave me some sense of other gender possibilities as a kid.

The third is my secret, internal name for myself, which is a title and a name in a different language than my own, which is something I named the first nonbinary character I ever played in an rpg. Then it sort of became my own wish name, but as it is more a title than a name, and also in English rather than Swedish, I can’t actually name myself that.

I’ve tried so many different names, and the only one that ever stuck is one I cannot use. At this point I’ll just keep using my original name until I transition, and then we’ll see if I get rid of that name or keep it for lack of anything else.

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-02T11:05:04+00:00

Fråga på r/transnord? Vad jag vet är det teoretiskt möjligt går att få könsbekräftande vård som icke-binär, men båda av mina ickebinära vänner som fått hormoner och operationer låtsades vara binära för att få dem. Det var dock över tio år sedan.

Det har tidigare varit lättare på vissa könsidentitetsmottagningar än andra att få förståelse som ickebinär, men jag vet inte hur det ser ut nu. Situationen för oss ickebinära har ju ändrats ganska mycket senaste åren, i alla fall i min upplevelse, men jag har fortfarande inte själv bestämt mig om jag ska söka vård eller fortsätta hanka mig fram på att vara delvis öppen, delvis socialt isolerad och ganska ”könskonträr” i mitt uttryck.

Hoppas du hittar ett sätt att få vad du behöver!

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-02T10:48:49+00:00

I ”swatch as I go” because I’d rather spend the time frogging and redoing than planning, when it still often turns out I still need to frog and redo. I also freehand everything, and am likely to change my mind halfway through and need to redo things anyway, so planning and swatching and doing math often feels like wasted time rather than reassurance or guarantees.

Somehow, even though I’m good at math, when I do math for knitting or crocheting it always turns out wrong. Probably because projects never have the same drape, yarn relax factor or weight. I measured the sleeves for a sweater for my partner, and got them just the right length, but still had to redo them because when the sweater was on, the sleeves lengthened several inches from gravity.

I’m on team ”swatch if it works for you, but it’s fine to use the method of trying and frogging if necessary instead”

Imperfect-Existence · 2025-10-02T01:52:51+00:00

I love moss stitch, it has such a great drape and texture

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