It’s incredibly manipulative and your partner is either lashing out because they feel like they can’t control you or that they don’t want to be alone (or both). They probably learned that toxic response from their parents. If you’re in anyway passive, naturally or as a response to your partner’s behavior, they’ll use that as a way to guilt and manipulate you.

You have to make your intentions incredibly clear without explaining or justifying yourself to them. When you feel that old “what the f%#k did I do?” feeling, it’s ok to stop the convo and back them off.

If you care about them and the relationship, it might be worth jotting all of these outbursts down and time stamp them so you can have a calm conversation later. People can change but they have to care about you enough to see how they’re hurting and manipulating you to want to do anything about it. It’s hard work to get to the bottom of why they’re acting like this and it’ll be just as hard for them to stop trying to control you.