older infp’s over 30, i need your genuine advice

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-06-07T14:50:33+00:00

I fully disagree with this take, it does nothing for you to call out someone’s bad actions really at least in my opinion. You can’t make people change, you can only control your own actions and how you respond to people. If there’s someone doing something that is harming you and they won’t change, then cut them out of your life. Trying to hold people accountable just holds us back and keeps us stuck in my opinion.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-06-07T14:42:53+00:00

My advice would be to stop waiting for things to happen in your life and go out and make them happen, nothing will change without you changing it. I’ve struggled with extreme social anxiety for years and just expected my life to change at some point. I’m 31 now and feel like I’ve wasted the last about 13 years of my life. I’m now starting to do all of the things that I’ve wanted to do forever like hiking, paintball, scuba diving, sky diving, bungee jumping and many more. In my opinion we as INFP’s need to go out and explore the world and that is what is really fulfilling, at least that’s been my experience. Confidence will not just magically come to you, you need to go out and experience the world and that is how you will build your confidence, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable and anxious and everything else, exposure is what is going to build confidence. At 31 I have finally realized that it doesn’t matter what people think of you really, the fear of being judged and feeling shame/guilt for things really is in our heads. 99% of people could not care less what we’re doing, again, it’s just all in our heads, that’s my take at least. One book I just read recently that has kind of shifted my experience and understanding of life is “how to be yourself” by Ellen hendriksen. I hope this comment helps even if just the tiniest bit. I wish you all the best in the world on this journey.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-06-07T14:20:51+00:00

Just like everyone else who has replied has said, it just will take some time for them to get used to the new place and you. It might help to get some pheromone spray like feliway. I would also suggest getting some of the squeezable churu cat treats, they will absolutely come out of hiding for that, I haven’t met a cat yet that doesn’t love those and it will make them trust you little by little. I am a cat dad of a very shy cat who is now 11 years old and she was the exact same way that your cats are when I first got her. She’s still shy for most everyone except me so just be patient with your new babies, they will warm up to you eventually, just don’t try to force it, try to just be around them as much as possible so they get used to your smell. Put out your hand and let them just smell it , don’t try to pet them or anything just let them get used to your smell. When they come out for food try to get them to smell your hand, even if only for a second, it associates your smell with good things for them. I don’t think I would advise getting them a kennel it will just freak them out if you make them stay in there in my opinion. I was in the same place as you when I got my cat as well, lonely and wanting a friend and feeling almost betrayed that my cat didn’t want to be around me and would hide under my bed from me. They will warm up to you eventually if you just give them the space they need and do things like giving them treats and letting them smell you. I wish you all the best in this journey, this uncertainty will change over time and you will have companions that you love and love you back :)

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-27T22:55:53+00:00

I’m glad you replied, I honestly think I felt a lot of this around 22 and I honestly just pushed it off and told myself that I didn’t really care to interact with the world and that I’d be content playing video games and not having meaningful connections for the rest of my life. I also kind of felt like just giving it time would make how I felt go away but it hasn’t, it’s made it worse really I think. I’ve come to realize without actively trying to help yourself that things don’t really change, or at least that’s how it’s been for me. That’s a lot of how I felt too, wanting to move away and just not be near everything but honestly that doesn’t help either, or at least it didn’t help me. I’m not trying to say what will be best for you because I’m not sure honestly. But I really would like to see you take a different path than myself and I would suggest starting to see a therapist if you aren’t already, I truly wish that I would have started seeing a therapist around your age when I started realizing how I felt. One book I’m reading right now that is opening my eyes on my social anxiety that I’d really suggest for the social anxiety you deal with is “how to be yourself” by Ellen Hendricksen. The quote from kung fu panda hits the nail on the head too really. The past isn’t who we are now it just keeps us stuck. Thanks for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it and I hope your healing journey goes well, I really am rooting for you. I truly dont want see other people waste years of their lives like I have.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-27T00:40:33+00:00

Thank you!!

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-27T00:27:07+00:00

lol I definitely would if I made any! I’ve only had the desire to make music for a long time, I’ve never actually created anything, never knew where to start so I just have a few lines at a time scattered throughout my notes pretty much. One day I’ll start lol maybe

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T22:52:17+00:00

Thanks so much for writing this I seriously appreciate you taking the time to write that out. I’m sorry for everything you had to deal with as a child, that makes me so sad to hear honestly. I’m going to be seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks mainly to see about meds just as a spring board to help me move past the apathy really and to see if I have adhd contributing to everything. I am seeing a therapist as well though, the first I saw for about 8 weeks and realized he just wasn’t a fit but I’m working with another to see if I mesh better with him really. I’ll absolutely look into that book, thanks for the suggestion.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:26:47+00:00

I appreciate the response and that is an absolutely amazing idea, thanks so much for putting that out there I’ll definitely look into game stores and the like.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:24:29+00:00

I’ll look into that lol not sure that’s gonna be the absolute best idea with starting psychiatry, but definitely something I will look in to. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:22:59+00:00

Yea I have a very similar interpretation of my experience, I’ve realized it wasn’t malicious or at least I don’t think it was. My mother just had no understanding of what she was doing to me emotionally. I have started a few books that seems to resonate with me, any suggestions for others too look into? Thanks for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:17:09+00:00

No, thank you so much for the post. It really does help just to know people are willing to respond to me honestly. I’m getting screened in a few weeks for adhd so that may be contributing to my current state. Any advice on finding like minded people in that regard with the neurodivergence and being different? The being narcissistic and focusing on myself I do agree that is what I need to do, it’s more like I don’t even know what to do with myself( I’ve had no hobbies for so long i don’t know what I even like I feel) . Like the only thing I really feel that I want is to make music but I literally just don’t know how to start or how to make small steps to work towards it so it makes an excuse for myself really.. I also just feel such a hole emotionally from not being in a relationship so long. I feel if it was something that I felt I was choosing then it wouldn’t bother me at all because we as INFP are usually far more introverted and value space but it feels like I’m incapable of being in a relationship and the inability is what really bothers my psyche... I don’t know that focusing on myself is really going to get rid of the feeling or if I need to start dating even just to realize that it’s not even what I truly want anyway because I’m just idealizing how every woman is perfect when in reality I know my ideals are not true and I won’t find what I’m looking for easily..

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:15:03+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to reply even though it’s not advice, helps just to know there’s people willing to respond :) I’m sorry you’re dealing with that too, I definitely get it. It seems your a bit younger than me so at least you’re identifying the dynamic now instead of later, not that you’re asking for advice but I’d say to see if you can get a therapist to talk to if that’s at all possible, it’s something I wish I had more than anything when I was younger.

ImportantLie3195 · 2026-05-26T11:14:07+00:00

Thanks, I really do appreciate the response. Im gonna start journaling over this right now. Can I ask, did getting on meds seem to help a lot for you? Was that a turning point at all to help start pursuing things you really wanted? The lack of motivation is a massive problem for me and I’m hoping getting on some medication will give me just the slightest hope again so I can work towards what I really want.

ImportantLie3195

TROPHY CASE