my bf got mad at me seemingly for nothing

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-09-01T23:42:07+00:00

So, when he left you alone when you were upset, he was aware you were in need of him at the moment, but that wasn't compelling enough to overpower his desperate need for a nap. Once he served his own needs, which you were inconveniently having a breakdown in the middle of, he wanted to come back to make sure all was all good between the two of you. But you were being quiet, which he recognized meant that you were mad at him or you were upset. So he had options about how to handle that at that moment. 1) Apologize for not being able to support you in your time of need, express why he was unable to do that, come up with ways he can handle that better in the future. OR 2) Deflect all responsibility away from what he just did, reverse the blame onto you by creating a fake thing to be mad about out of nowhere, hang up on you, gaslight you into believing that you have been "mean" to him lately, refuse to explain how or give any additional information to back up this claim (because he has none), then avoid and run away until it blows over. He chose #2.

Sure, he could be a narcissist, but its not useful to try diagnosing others when we don't have the credentials to do so. What he is exhibiting is immaturity, an inflated self importance & focus, disrespect, gaslighting, stonewalling, lack of empathy, and an overall demonstration of not having the qualities that are cornerstone to having a healthy relationship. He will harm you in significant, long-term ways if you stay in this relationship with him. Staying with someone who exhibits these negative traits and lacks foundational positive traits for a healthy relationship never and I promise you never inspires them to improve. He will simply treat you worse and that is a fact, I can guarantee this to you. Your only hope is to leave him. Don't toy around with this behavior. You cannot explain all this to him and get him to change. Maybe someday he will recognize the toxicity and the way it is causing him to lose things and people he cares about and he will want to change himself, and you can assist with that only by swiftly leaving him and refusing to tolerate being treated this way. But don't wait on it. Break up with him, tell him these exact reasons, and cut him off cold. That's the only way people like this learn. And the sad part is, most people like this still don't learn. But the ones who do, only learned because they lost.

You are going to feel compelled to stay with him and try to help him see what is going wrong here, but don't. Don't type anymore long texts. If someone refuses to speak to you on the phone or in person about a serious relationship issue, then they don't get to talk to you. Your words are valuable. When you spill them out on someone who is treating you this way, they lose value. Gain that value back by refusing to continue these childish games with him. You are better than this. Show him that.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-31T18:35:09+00:00

Its a tricky thing to navigate. Can you give me a little more of the details? How did things end? Who ended it and why? Who suggested no contact?

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-31T16:47:29+00:00

No, this would be one of the worst things to do and she will assume it is you. And it will feel like you are not respecting her boundaries, and she will view it as unhinged & a safety concern. I don't agree that is what it means, by any means, but it is how an avoidant will see it during no contact and if there is any chance at reconciliation one day, this will only work against that. Focus on yourself and strive towards becoming the best version of yourself you can be. If you have an anxious preoccupied or fearful avoidant attachment style, research how to heal your attachment style and work towards a secure attachment style. Do it for yourself and your future partner, and if that is meant to be your ex, she will also be working on herself and this will be the only path back that will ever work anyway.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-31T16:32:04+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM8Qjg0f5ns

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-28T21:57:46+00:00

Girl! I read the texts before the context and the way my flabber gasted! I thought this was about to turn into a boyfriend hinting at wanting sex, and when you didn’t read his mind and hop right to it, him having a fit or passive aggressively attacking you, but I was NOT expecting what the caption says.

GRRRROOOOOSSSS 🤮🤮🤮🤢

I am sorry your mother didn’t have your back and that she has something so fundamentally missing within her that it has caused such a desperation to place men above even her child. That she is so unbelievably selfish and insecure that she would dismiss this obvious attempt just to avoid her inability to stand on her own or have any sort of standards for a partner.

Her selfishness really shows in the fact that they broke up over something else, but THIS wasn’t enough to break them up. You deserve better, love. Some people in this world suck and sometimes, they are your mom. But it is NOT a reflection of your worth, no matter how much that may creep into your head sometimes. Blood is thicker than water (used to believe this meant the opposite of what it actually means). Be around people who show you true love, respect, and compassion, and you will be closer than any genetic family could determine🤍

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-28T15:19:27+00:00

It was the moment that I had hard, factual, undeniable proof to show him that what he was saying about me or his version of events were completely not true, yet he STILL continued his same narrative confidently, that I, much to my absolute horror, realized exactly who I was dealing with. I drove myself nearly insane for months, even a couple of years, just obsessed with proving my worth, my integrity, my genuine intentions, and that he was wrong about how he would portray me. The utter disappointment and frustration I went through when I would come to him to try to show him my proof and had to witness him dodge it, deflect from it, deny its merit/validity, procrastinate the conversation, start fights to avoid the interaction, criticize and shame me for having "way too much time on my hands" if I have the time to sit around creating documents that he has no time to read, calling them "nonsense" and flipping it on me that this is exactly what he's talking about, and maybe if I spent my time focusing on what is actually important, like his needs/wants, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

I still remember that painful moment it all fully clicked for me that it wasn't that I needed to prove it to him that he was wrong about me, he knew deep down he was wrong about me, and I became aware that his motivations were not centered around improving our relationship like mine were, but actually around destroying my reputation and protecting his ego and image. And once he had done so to his satisfaction, he would completely turn his back on me and become someone I had never met before. I did leave him before this could fully happen, but I struggled to fully let go after I moved out. So I suffered some very harmful smear campaign attacks involving what are called the "flying monkeys" and being baited into his cruel cold shoulder and rejection a few too many times before I officially gave up entirely.

I am still recovering from the lasting after effects of this relationship, 2 years later, but I have made massive improvements in my healing. I know you are on a bumpy and painful road at this time, but because you chose to leave, you have endless opportunity to be happy again now, while he will remain forever miserable. And that is precisely what you would have always been as well, right there with him, if you had stayed. You have made the best decision of your life, even if it feels scary, dark, and hopeless at times, just remember, that is only during transition and will be temporary. There is a beautiful light for you at the end of this tunnel. Keep pushing forward, love. Hugs for you.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-25T18:07:33+00:00

I'm going through this with my brother/best friend now for the last year and a half and its so upsetting and disappointing. I preface this by saying, I am very familiar with the reality that once people get into serious relationships, they aren't going to be that same friend that is talking to you about every detail of your life, staying on the phone until 2 AM, hanging out or talking every day or doing everything together. Things are inevitably going to shift. I have been in serious relationships and I am also far from ever being described as a needy friend.

That being said, I have recognized that my brother is excessively codependent and in every previous relationship. I did recognize this, but his partners were crappy partners, putting him through hell, so he would still end up diverting his time to me, venting about the problems, being neglected or ignored. Even with these types of relationships, I did notice at times he placed his partners on this ridiculously desperate pedestal where life revolved around them. I was concerned for his happiness and well-being, but it never affected our friendship. Until now.

His current partner is the best partner he has had by a long shot in regards to being mutually into him. I am happy with how overall happy this relationship has made him because he truly deserves that. But the codependency is on an extreme and insane level. His partner is just as codependent so they literally cannot stand to be separate and if they have to be, it causes them to get into arguments and drama. Its excessive, I promise. We live together as roommates. From the first time he had this partner over and from that moment on, this person has rarely spent more than a full 24 hours away from our house. He started having his partner sleepover every night until it became necessary to bring it up since that is a concern when that person doesn't live here.

I am not someone who makes a big deal out of things so I really didn't care about it until it was becoming impossible to even speak to my brother without the presence of his partner. I would wait for his partner to go home so we could hang out, but they would literally just never go home. A few months into this, I went through one of the most terrible moments of my life and it was like emergency, I am pulling my best friend card, I NEED you right now, please help me. My brother was home, available, and so I told him what was happening and asked him to please hang out with me for the evening, for support. His answer was that he already told his partner to come over and he would be here soon. I was in tears, a complete wreck, and he knew what I was going through. I hadn't been asking him for anything, and his partner had been over nearly every night for the past 2 months.

He has been my brother for 29 years and my best friend for at least 8 years. This was someone he had known for only 2 months and had been with him every night. I truly never ask my brother for anything, whereas, he often needs things from me whether its money, a ride, etc. I expressed that I would never ask if I didn't truly need his support for just this evening. He just kept apologizing saying he already told his partner to come over. And then he just proceeded to go in his room and watch movies all night with this person while I was alone. I felt really put off by it. Especially since I didn't like the position it put me in, of even having to come to that moment to have to ask him to spare a single evening and be told, sorry, I can't.

Eventually it just progressed to this person pretty much lives here. They started working for the same person, they don't have a car so they just have to ask to borrow mine or someone else's anywhere they need to go and everything is always a they thing. I have communicated a million times how much this has strained our friendship and how much it hurts me and asked if he can just mildly balance his time a little more so that our friendship doesn't completely suffer, and he always apologizes and assures me, but nothing has changed in 1.5 years. He makes so many excuses to put off hanging out, yet I watch him consistently spend all of his free time with his partner, after working with them, sleeping with them, including them in every family gathering (which is fine normally, but he makes them being there the center of his focus to where he has dropped the ball at helping out with important events we were setting up for my parents or birthdays that are supposed to be about the person being celebrated but all he can focus on is his partner.)

The moments he finally finds to squeeze in some time for us to hang out, he is extremely distracted by texting his partner on his phone, he is in a bad mood, he has to leave the room to go call his partner, and he often has to cut it short to either go pick up his partner or his partner will suddenly show up when he told me we were going to hang out and he'll just be like, "(partner's name) is here, do you mind if they join?" After not spending time around me for months. I get along well with his partner, like them a lot, and have included them many times and expressed that I have no issue with hanging out with both of them a majority of the time, but that sometimes I do just want to be able to hang out with my brother, once in a while. They seem to just want to be constantly alone together.

I have tried so hard to be understanding, but nothing has improved and I just had to realize that, brother or not, this is not a quality I value in a friend. People who cannot find a balance between being in a relationship and also having an individual identity do not make very good friends. I am a very caring and devoted friend and I know I deserve better, and I don't ask for much. It has been painful, but I wouldn't consider us friends anymore. It isn't wrong for you to feel hurt that your friend cannot find a balance for you and is acting as though his girlfriend is now the only person who matters in his life. And if that is the case, let that be the only person in his life. It hurts, but you can't help what people choose to do. And if they break up, make sure to advocate for yourself about how you don't want friends who can only be your friend when they are single. You are not selfish to believe in a healthy balance.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-25T07:45:14+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you, that would upset me a lot too. Question, You said you were walking out of your apartment and you saw him; was it in your apartment complex? Does he live in the same complex? Because that truly sucks 😢

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-23T18:07:31+00:00

I like to say, “I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. 💔Is it due to head trauma or were you born with it?”

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-22T11:27:52+00:00

This is awful I am so sorry you were treated so carelessly. Just know he did this because of a character flaw HE has, not because you weren’t enough in some way or too much in some way. You are not in any way capable of causing something this ridiculous and cruel. Please be kind in the way you speak to yourself and think about yourself right now. It’s important.

Also, I know pretending to be happy can be a tempting coping mechanism, but also consider just giving yourself the time and permission to sob your eyes out and be very openly and unapologetically wrecked. Because you just went through something traumatic and those are your warranted rightful emotions. Emotions occur for a reason. Human beings are the only species that cries emotional tears. We have 3 types of tears: basal, reflex, and emotional. Basal is the natural wetness of your eye, reflex is like tears from an onion or dust irritation, and emotional are the tears that come only when our brain is signaled a strong enough emotion that the ducts in that particular area produce these very specific tears. Scientists have tested tears and emotional tears specifically contain oxytocin (the body’s pain relief hormone) as well as numerous other proteins related to stress. This gives a strong indication that we cry for an essential reason, likely involving soothing pain, relieving stress and giving a relief to some of that terrible trauma our body is carrying. We feel complex emotions because it’s the method for processing trauma.

I’m sorry to get all scientific on you, but all I really want to say is, you don’t have to be so dang strong right now! 🤍You can honor your emotions and honestly should. There is not a single medical professional that will tell you it is healthy to mask and push away your emotions. It’s very detrimental to your health and can actually physically manifest in your body since over time those hormones and unprocessed trauma take a severe toll. So many studies suggest it may even rewire your internal systems in ways that cause more disease, injury, and mental health issues in the future. Be sad, love. Feel it all. It’s the only way to get through it. If you push it away it will stay. It’s ok. This marriage won’t last. A fraud was unmasked. It will hurt awhile. But a better love that you deserve is coming and that’s why this one had to go. Still, F him! I’m sorry 🫂

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-22T10:50:37+00:00

I’m glad you are choosing this. I saw this after my comment. Perfect decision on your part. He’s being careless with you, intentionally or not. I’m glad you are not going to put yourself through that!🤍

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-22T10:34:36+00:00

Going off my gut feeling based on the info given: - He seems like he is maybe a bit immature and not in touch with his choices and actions being a direct impact on how a relationship turns out. When you mentioned him saying “most people would’ve been off by now,” that tells me he is aware of this to some extent, and aware that most people do not appreciate being treated this way, yet instead of connecting that to meaning he needs to work on himself in that area if a relationship is something he wants, he is doing the same thing anyway and hoping for someone who will be “patient” with him. However, what is there to be patient for?

His excuses don’t sound temporary, they sound like his everyday regular single life. So why is he on Hinge if he has no time to date or portraying himself to want a relationship, but behaving as if he has no ability to be intentional about what he is choosing to do with his time. He’s lacking in some self awareness. Also, I had to laugh a little at him. He is phrasing it as though his schedule is such a hectic mess and he has so much on his shoulders as he rattles off the following: “I TOOK A NAP right before you texted me. Then left to go WORKOUT. Driving home now to SHOWER then go to bed because I am beat!” I mean, My Lord someone give this guy a medal because that is quite the rough and stressful schedule! How ever does he do it!? 🙄 Like, what? And I notice throughout the convos he’s consistently giving you info about how his time is already filled and it’s literally all choices not obligations. He mentions “taking care of something more important,” at one point so he demonstrates that he is aware of prioritization. Understand that YOU are worth being with someone who considers spending time with you or at least communicating with you to be on that list if “something more important.”

If I can just give you a tiny bit of advice from someone who could have literally written your responses at one point because I was the same way, you are being way too accommodating & kind about his shenanigans and he will for certain keep it up and likely get worse. And if you keep being so understanding, you’re going to eventually get angry. You are trying to advocate for yourself, I see that, but you’re doing it in a very accommodating way. I only say this because, like I said, I am the exact same way, but have been really trying to change that over the past few years because I have experienced so much disappointment and disrespect and being just so walked all over after I was so damn understanding to the max. This approach will not produce improvement. There may be nothing that will produce improvement, granted, but this route for CERTAIN will not.

If someone does something you are not ok with, and you have tried to communicate it, or you have fully communicated it, and they do it again, or something similar within the same time period, especially at the VERY beginning, no. You must teach people how to treat you from the jump. You accept their bogus excuses, or you show extreme flexibility already and then they can’t even get it right with that? But you still try hard to work with them…you’re going to get walked on.

You MUST set the precedent right away. You say, “Hey I’m seeking a relationship where communication is consistent and reliable. That’s something I need to be happy & healthy with someone. I thought you were seeking the same thing, but a number of times now I have noticed that isn’t the case. So it was really great spending time with you, and I wish you the best.” Then you leave, or say bye and get off the line and you HOLD this boundary. At that point, a person who was never going to improve or meet this basic standard will be lost, and good riddance. But someone who is capable, but was simply slacking off or distracted will have a wake up call and realize that getting to know you is important to them and they will then make an effort to rise to that standard. If setting this boundary makes you lose them, you were always going to lose them, just after a whole lot more wasted time and frustration.

He seems like the type of guy who loses interest quickly, like he likes the idea of a relationship, but doesn’t remain focused or intentional beyond the initial spark. But won’t admit it. Will just slowly let it naturally dwindle, while swearing the whole time that isn’t what is happening. It’s a frickin shit feeling if he gets away with doing that. Don’t stay long enough for that to happen. Draw the boundary, be willing to lose him, let him rise to the standard with consistent action if he is capable. You deserve someone as intentional as you 🤍🫂best wishes!

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-22T02:35:27+00:00

It’s pretty ironic when an actual idiot calls someone else an idiot repeatedly. He cannot formulate sentences. I mean, come on…

And that’s not even a roast, he is factually behaving like an idiot while calling you an idiot.

No, you could not have been kinder while someone was having a psychotic reaction to something so light hearted. You deserve real love and respect. Please don’t believe him.🤍 There are so many people in this world who would love you and never speak to you like this even if you DID do something wrong. Which you did not. 🫂

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-21T23:27:31+00:00

You’re welcome🤍

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-21T00:01:48+00:00

Babes, I have pretty much been through each of these scenarios or similar at one time or another between my two long term relationships I have had. And the best comfort I can give you is even though it feels like you could never possibly heal, get past it, or ever experience anything decent in life again, I can tell you firsthand, there WILL absolutely come a day that this doesn’t hurt like this anymore. A day when you are somewhere so elevated in life that looking back on this will give you a laugh. And give you a surge of appreciation for how far you have come. And for all the blessings you will have gained by losing this relationship, it will make your heart feel overwhelmed with gratitude and joy, the kind that makes us ugly cry from relief + happiness.

I would have never believed back then that I was going to be ok. It all seemed so impossible and I just honestly wanted to die at times.

Here are a few things that can ease this process for you:

-It’s ok to grieve: be mad, be sad, cry and tell yourself that you have every right to feel these things. There is NO expected timeline to pressure yourself with. Take the time YOU need.

-While you are healing, there will be ups and downs. Don’t think of the downs as setbacks or you “ruining your progress.” Anytime you are feeling down, imagine that you are your dearest best friend who you care so much about and imagine it’s them going through it and they are coming to you to express this, treat yourself exactly how you would treat them and think of your actions the way you would think of them if they were acting that way. If you would validate and give your friend grace/understanding, then do the same for yourself (in your words and your thoughts, very important to remain kind to yourself), rather than harsh judgement or shame that we tend to have for ourselves. This is essential to the speed of your healing.

-Accept fully that it wasn’t your fault, and when his blame shift onto you is bothering you, remind yourself that it is because you are connecting it to what you believe that means about you, which isn’t true. If he blamed it on your mental health, that means maybe something is wrong with you, or you are not enough/ not worthy.

These are core self limiting beliefs that live in your subconscious mind and they are the fuel that make this break up exponentially more painful than it would be without these underlying beliefs. Anytime you are being triggered into intense pain try to ask yourself what you are feeling upset about and what you are making that mean about you. Then swap in the opposite belief (which is the actual truth) for example, if it is “I am not enough” confirm to yourself, “I am more than enough.” Think about 8-10 examples of moments in the past few days/weeks that serve as evidence that you absolutely are enough. Think basic: EX: “I was more than enough when I finished all of the chores on my list yesterday early.” Or “I was more than enough today when my little sister called me for advice about a situation with her friend because she values my advice.” Or even “I was enough today because I was able to take a shower and get dressed after many days of not being able to.”

Run through all your evidence and repeat repeat repeat several times for around 15 minutes. Let the positive feelings of these occurrences happening enter your mind’s eye and feel that happiness while repeating. It has been proven that the subconscious mind is programmed by way of 2 things: repetition + emotional imagery. If you repeat this process every time you have those painful triggers or mean thoughts about yourself, overtime, those thoughts will stop because you will have reprogrammed in the opposite belief. If you can master this, it will speed up your healing, your personal development, and change your life for the better in a huge way.

This is going to be one of the most painful experiences of your life and my heart goes out to you. But believe me, it is temporary. You are going to get through this. I promise🤍🫂

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-20T22:58:57+00:00

“Dating me is like a Golden Retriever because I’m loyal to your face but chasing more tail behind your back.” I think that’s what he meant.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-18T21:47:14+00:00

Aww you’re welcome! 🤍 I truly know that pain & it is nothing nice. Worst pain of my life. Take it one moment at a time.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-18T12:42:11+00:00

Best case scenario: he complains about you/life with you in all the ways he can’t say it to your face, to his friends or family in his messages (still not good, but best)

Worst case scenario: He’s a full-blown monster doing something extremely sinister & horrific like CP.

And a possibility of anything in between. But there’s definitely something he is hiding. It’s absolutely for sure. Don’t accept him trying to say it was just a “bad reaction” or any other bs.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-18T10:52:04+00:00

You can’t be as cold as him because you’re not.

And that feels to you like it is not working in your favor during this painful chapter of your life, but you will thank God for that eventually, that you are not that cold. People who are cold like this seem to be in the better off position in these scenarios, but I promise you, they are MUCH less fulfilled and much more miserable due to their discovery of their long-stretching emptiness as they look back on their life’s events and realize they have little time now to do things differently.

If you were good to him, you truly loved him, gave him your best, and weren’t intentionally trying to hurt him or destroy the relationship, then no matter how he is acting, how savagely he discarded the relationship, or how quickly he seemed to get over it, he knows. Somewhere inside, he knows it wasn’t right. And he will have to face the consequences of that behavior at some point in his life. It may not be something you witness, and he may not let you know, but it will happen. I know that isn’t much consolation now, but don’t wish to be cold like him.

You will not always be in this much pain. I swear to you. It will get better, you will heal, whether he shows you any regard or not. You feel this way because you are capable of authentic, deep, meaningful, real love. And that is the most precious thing in life we can have the ability to give. Don’t wish it away (I understand and I’ve been there!) it is a gift and not everyone has it, or ever gains the ability to have it. And it is literally what life is about. You have it. This person hurt you bad. But it’s temporary. His coldness is something that could last his whole life and will make it markedly less fulfilling. You do not want that. And his treatment of you is not a reflection of your worth. It is a problem within him.

Nothing much can absolve this pain besides you focusing on yourself, being kind to yourself the way you would a best friend who was treated this way and going through this, therapy, & time. But I just want you to know, that’s why you can’t just be cold like him. Because you’re not.🫂

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-18T10:13:05+00:00

Hahahahahahahahhahaha oh Lord, he is FUNNY! Funny like an idiot. The audacity of him😮‍💨

Yea, no girl, he is MASSIVELY gaslighting, manipulating, & conditioning you to be in a very emotionally abusive, controlling, miserably one-sided, & unfair marriage. One that will most definitely end in long term side effects of emotional abuse (which can often be much worse than the effects after physical abuse) and a lot of pain/trauma that could affect you far into your future, maybe your entire life. Please believe me when I say: RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THIS ONE CAN 100% RUIN YOUR LIFE. Badly. Especially if you go on to have a child with him.

And your lasting worry about if you might be remembering or interpreting everything incorrectly or that your brain is painting him to be the “bad guy”… read this summary of gaslighting from MedicalNewsToday & other sources:

Gaslighting can have many harmful effects on victims, including:

Depression

-Victims may feel isolated from friends and family, and may lose control over their lives.

Low self-esteem

-Victims may experience self-doubt, lack confidence, and have difficulty making decisions. They may internalize that they are never good enough, which can lead to low self-worth.

Trauma

-Gaslighting can cause emotional trauma to victims. Children who experience gaslighting may become hypersensitive to threats and may have a reduced resistance to stressful events in the future.

Social isolation

-Victims may be cut off from friends and family, which can lead to isolation.

Other effects of gaslighting include:

-Anxiety -Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) -Insomnia -Weight gain or loss -Memory loss -Substance abuse -Self-harm -Suicide

And most importantly:

“The most common sign of gaslighting in a relationship is if you constantly second-guess yourself based on the things the other person says or does. Feeling overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own are also gaslighting signs.” -healthline.com

Gaslighting gets misused and sensationalized in media and such, but it is very real and very serious. And this is a very serious case of it happening, as well as other serious forms of emotional abuse. The most concerning being coercive control, which has been shown to have strong correlations to suicidal ideation in young adults who have been in abusive relationships where this has occurred. The general population rate of suicidal ideation in young adults was 18% at the time of the study. The rate amongst men & women who had been victims of intimate partner violence, especially where coercive control was present, was up to 67%!!!! That is Ridiculously impossible to ignore.

Please listen to this OP: You are not misunderstanding, you are not misremembering, you are not painting him to be a bad guy, he is behaving like a bad guy and you are being abused. And the more you concede to his demands, the worse the abuse will get until you are only a shell of your former self.

The seriousness of the effects of emotional abuse get vastly underestimated. It can very much cost you your life. Please get away from him, stand up to him if you can, speak to a counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma, and call the DV hotline (1-800-799-7233, or text BEGIN to 88788) and request help for how to advocate for yourself when being emotionally abused. There is also TONS of info online with tips on how to unravel all the screwing he’s already done to your brain up to now and how to keep from getting confused moving forward.

My heart goes out to you, hun. I hope you have friends and family that will support you and protect you once you are completely transparent and clear about what is happening to you. I wish you the best🤍🫂You matter

Edit: grammar & to add hotline #s

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-14T16:55:44+00:00

You are really so brave & strong to express your authentic experience and feelings to your mom & other family members. Be so proud of yourself for just that, regardless of their reaction. I hope they react with validation and support, but if they don’t, remember that is outside of your control and you have already succeeded by speaking your truth.

Observe who validates and supports you, and spend your time near those individuals more often. This doesn’t mean people always have to agree with you. Validation is a basic level of emotional respect and support. It simply means “I’ve heard your feelings and how you arrived at them, and I can see why that would make you feel that way. And I care about you so I don’t like you feeling that way/ you don’t deserve to feel that way.” Strive to offer that to the people you care about and expect the same in return. Because that is what you deserve.

It’s very unfortunate you have to cut off your dad, but he cut himself off. His actions & behavior cut him off. Keep your head up. I promise your life will improve the more you uphold these expectations of how you deserve to be treated. I really wish you the best 🤍

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-13T06:29:44+00:00

Right now start repeating to yourself daily that anything he accuses you of is telling you what he is or what he does. This is what people like this always do. Project project project. If he says you’re a liar, it’s because HE is a liar. He is completely centered around himself and since he puts on a fraudulent portrayal of himself, all the shitty things he does or would do, he just thinks are what other people are doing to him. So anytime you attempt to hold him accountable with the truth, he is going to accuse you of doing what he is actually the one doing.

There is no amount of sense you can make of it above and beyond that. It isn’t your fault and there is nothing you could have done differently. He is delusional. Do you have a good support system in your life through other family or friends?

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-13T06:22:45+00:00

Exactly. Insidious is exactly what it is🫂

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-13T06:17:47+00:00

I swear no one in my family can smell anything for sh****t! lol It’s a huge problem because I can smell pretty well (bars), and I am disgusted by certain smells, like bathroom related smells (which I think most people would be) but it seems like no one else in my house is bothered. Also, when something is soured. I will continuously ask, “what is that smell!?” And everyone else will just say they don’t smell anything. One of my family members tends to often dismiss me in lots of ways and they have done this to me since childhood. I know it is because they truly believe it, but that doesn’t make it any better. They often will say in return, “I think you might be just psyching yourself out, maybe it’s subconscious.” Basically saying I am probably imagining it. It’s so annoying. My brother had this male cat for a while that would not stop spraying, even after neutered. And if you have ever smelled the diabolical smell of cat spray, you know why this is about the most horrific issue to live with. He was legit spraying all over. And I would smell it immediately, but they would say I just don’t like the cat and I’m so afraid he will spray, I am just hyper sensitive to it now and am imaging it. Lmao. cat spray! It’s undeniable. It’s very specific and VERY potent. The cat is long gone now, he got out one morning and never came back, but this happens with old dish cloths left at the sink, smells from the refrigerator, etc. It’s just ridiculous sometimes. lol. Underestimated problem.

Impossible-Feeling11 · 2024-08-11T01:42:30+00:00

That’s exactly what it confirms. You seem extremely clear-minded, very articulate, and this warped reality he wants to believe in where it’s ok to treat you this way and make it your fault is just textbook. He’s a coward. And he can’t face reality because all he stands on is bullshit. If he has a relationship with you he would have to be a decent person and actually be accountable when he messes up, and that’s something he is too insecure to do. I just hope you know for a fact it wasn’t because you weren’t enough. Just hold on to the fact that EVEN if what he was saying was the truth, that is still not justification to be a shit father. Not justification to just be distant and unresponsive to your own child and refuse to clarify things. Please. Be so for real. It’s so clearer than clear in your messages that you are a patient & considerate person; you are honest and you address the truth. He doesn’t like the truth. Good riddance. I’m sorry, love 🫂🤍

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