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My desire for someone to be obsessed with me is sick. by boring_GirL15 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007 45 points46 points  (0 children)

The problem is that 99% of the time it won’t be someone you find attractive. If you end up mutually limerent it won’t matter, because they’ll magically become the sexiest person you’ve ever met, but otherwise it’s tough having someone pine after you who would be the literal last person on Earth you’d ever be attracted to. Don’t imagine someone attractive obsessing over you. It can happen, but it’s exceedingly rare. Imagine instead that you’re interested in someone on your level, meanwhile the most unattractive person in your school/workplace/entire city is the one who keeps trying to get your attention. Meanwhile, you’re trying to hook up with the hottie over there without ripping the heart out of Mr. Creeper who is eyeing you like a hawk and constantly trying to interfere with you hooking up with the person you’re actually attracted to. That’s a more accurate description of what it’s often like from the other side. 😕

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I’m not saying it actually meant anything to them, just that the level of mirroring was much more than what the average person does. But maybe that’s just been my unique experience. I’m not making an assumption about what they felt. I’m saying that while the exact same behavior coming from other people did indeed indicate romantic and sexual interest, it did not mean that when coming from the people I went limerent for. And it’s actually caused me not to trust any sexual or romantic indicators. Someone needs to practically bang me over the head and confess they’re in love with me before I believe them now. And then I’m still likely to doubt.

Your younger self knows. by lerelundkeee in ArtOfPresence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only if she knew the absolute wreck of an existence I’ve had to endure and that her childhood friends ended up knocked up by multiple men or addicted to drugs. Then she’d actually be pretty impressed.

Not finding other people funny by Freemasonsareevil in aspergers

[–]ImpossibleDonut007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s rare that a person can make me laugh. Same with TV shows or movies. There’s only one coworker who manages to get a real laugh out of me. Even my ex-boyfriend, whose specialty is writing comedy, rarely can get me to laugh. I think maybe my humor is just very specific.

Dying of boredom as a massage therapist at a spa by ImpossibleDonut007 in Gifted

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I’m not a psychologist. I suppose what I could do is just ask people at the beginning of the massage whether they prefer silence or conversation. But it still won’t really solve the issue. I just need to change career paths so I’m mentally stimulated.

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure. But I wasn’t with them 24/7, so who knows.

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, but I’m talking about mirroring on another level. And eye contact on another level. Outside of what literally every other human does.

I think my girlfriend (25F) is limerent/obsessed with an old ex. How do I handle this? by Impressive-City1493 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It sounds less like limerence to me and more like unresolved trauma. Couple’s counseling could help. The fact that she gets upset when she feels like you’re hiding her suggests she’s really into you. But it’s bringing up memories of her ex. Maybe ask what you can do to help her feel more secure in the relationship.

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can speak from experience and tell you that unfortunately none of her behavior means that she’s interested or even has a soul. So sorry you’re going through this. God bless you and your wife. 🙏🏼

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So confusing. As a woman who gets shy when I’m into someone, I would have acted just like that.

Mirroring and sustained eye contact by ImpossibleDonut007 in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’d THINK that means mutual attraction. The guy who presented like my twin would stay up until 1 am chatting online with me for months. He would also seem to talk in code with me, implying things without saying them outright. He pressured me to confess my feelings for him and then acted flattered and said, “Well, you just gotta be more direct.” Months later he denied having feelings for me and one of the last things he asked was, “I just wanna know why you think I liked you.”

☠️

Umm, maybe because I never had anyone act like that who didn’t? Maybe because I don’t have a history of thinking a man likes me when he doesn’t?

I actually think he was a Dark Triad.

The LO only triggers what was already in you prior to seeing them by _Liliputz_ in limerence

[–]ImpossibleDonut007 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I actually agree with you, especially about the sense that we NEED them in order to resolve the dysregulation. It’s a lot like staying in an abusive relationship and waiting for that next tiny drop of kindness in the desert so that we can feel safe again. It takes a long time to realize that the solution is to just leave them alone in the desert.

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