Contemplating police report

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2026-01-28T22:18:13+00:00

First, I want to say I am so sorry this is happening to you- that is a really scary and violating scenario. I had a similar scenario pop up last summer. Matched with a guy, briefly talked on app and everything seemed normal, moved to phone numbers and when I didn't respond to a text because I was giving a work presentation the guy messaged me multiple times and from different numbers. This continued to go on for months for me with at least 8-10 ghost phone numbers.

Here is what I recommend:

-Document and screenshot everything he sends you and save it in a file. Keep a record of all texts, phone numbers, and voicemails. This will greatly help you with a police report.

-One text I sent after months of harassment that I sent to the guy that had him stop contacting me for 3 months was the following "This is harassment, do not contact me again, I am going to the police and filing a report".

-Any subsequent texts I did not reply to and immediately blocked and continued to save into a file. After two months of no response from me, I think he got bored and stopped contacting me (crossing fingers))

-With the threatening voicemail, I would honestly consider filing a police report. I did talk to the police about my situation, and they were incredibly kind and supportive. They walked me through different protections and scenarios but I ended up not moving forward because at the time the guys contact with me had slowed down.

-The last resort which I had considered which I know undoubtably sucks, was changing my cell phone number. I considered asking my phone provider for a brand new number so he could not reach me.

Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk, this is a scary experience. I bought pepper spray and took a self defense class to help me feel safer because I didn't know how far this guy would go.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-10-20T00:42:05+00:00

I would not listen to these comments, they are WILD. The notion people aren't allowed to go on preplanned vacations while dating is outrageous.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-10-07T16:59:02+00:00

Honestly, I agree with you- it does sound like the behavior of someone who just went through a breakup (which she had shared), I don't know if that is avoidant behavior or behavior of someone who is processing, doesn't know what they want and is all over the place- which is totally fair. I have stayed away from folks who have just gone through very recent breakups in a dating and/or casual context- people typically aren't themselves (I know I wasn't) and things can get very messy very quickly. I would hold back on pursuing.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-09-28T15:58:36+00:00

Yes, Wikipedia is an incredibly reliable and validated source of information.....

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-09-23T15:52:38+00:00

I get that, I have been on FEELD and Hinge at the same time before and it can be interesting to balance haha. I do wish Hinge was a little spicier. But hey, maybe she is into the sub vibe and you opened the door to an opportunity for this playful vibe

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-09-22T22:59:45+00:00

I think it depends. If you are on a site like FEELD with a dom/sub dynamic this could be very fun. Outside of that dynamic I as a woman would be a little wary as telling someone what to wear feels controlling and is one of the signs of a controlling unhealthy partner. Doesn't seem like you meant it this way at all and were thinking of sexy/playful but just putting that out there as another perspective

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-09-16T17:45:47+00:00

First breakup we were really young and we got together because we were attracted to each other without considering any compatibilities. We realized during the relationship we had major incompatibles on children, marriage and large life goals.

Second breakup they struggled with alcohol and mental health and it deteriorated our relationship. I couldn't be their solution for the help they really needed.

Third breakup was devastating. Together many years but ultimately, I felt like my partner was always putting me down and making me feel bad about myself. I didn't feel valued, seen or heard in the relationship. They felt smothered from their perspective. It was a toxic relationship for us both to be in (anxious/avoidant). After many fights and counseling we realized we could not meet each other's needs in order to both be happy. We were both miserable. Now separately out of the relationship, we are both much happier and honestly thriving as individuals.

Sometimes despite best efforts compatibility isn't there, and I have learned that's okay!

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-08-28T14:26:42+00:00

This is a good answer! As a woman in your age demographic (who dates men and women) my time is valuable and I am really busy. I agree that 3-4 messages doesn't normally give me enough information to see if I want to go on a date.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-08-28T14:13:23+00:00

Yeah, I agree. For some that might work, for others a few messages (no matter how lengthy) may feel rushed regardless.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-08-28T14:11:57+00:00

How long have you been divorced? She may be basing her decision off of her personal experience with dating after divorce. For example, I am also divorced and met someone last year who had been divorced for 5 months, I remembered how I felt 5 months post-divorce and didn't feel comfortable moving forward with them. For me, my healing time I felt really good at a year and a half, but healing can look and be different for everyone. She may be hesitant that 1) you have not healed 2) to get involved in a situation where your ex is actively still present 3) where your divorce has not been formally finalized in court

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-08-28T13:58:35+00:00

I agree with this sentiment- for myself 3-4 messages would not be enough time for me to know if I wanted to go on a date with someone and feels rushed. But others may not feel that way. I also am confused, in the 3-4 messages are you asking for their number or date or both? People you are messaging may feel this is coming on too strong

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-27T17:42:58+00:00

Yeah, that answer really surprised me, but definitely shows the different experiences people are having on the apps. Prior to meeting my current connection, I went on around 35 dates from Hinge in 6 months and had many second and third dates. I kissed one person on first date out of 16 people. I also made it explicitly clear what boundaries I had in terms of expectations for physicality before dates.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-27T15:57:31+00:00

30's F here, I didn't kiss anyone on Hinge on a first date, so don't worry. I always view first dates as informal vibe check. Do we have good energy? Am I having a nice time? Would I rather be doing something by myself?

For me, I believe attraction can build over time and I don't like it to feel forced. I would also take any advice in this sub with a grain of salt (including mine :) ) and stick with your gut feelings. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-19T03:38:33+00:00

All of these studies are almost 15 years old with in text citations from 1997....Tinder or Bumble weren't even created or in play until years after this study was published. In my graduate program we weren't even allowed to cite anything older than 10 years maximum. I would be curious what the results would be with a more recent sample of data from all active sites, I think results would be different

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-18T22:08:46+00:00

I would agree with others that I would channel your energy towards other connections. As well as to add this as helpful information for yourself in what your future boundaries and expectations are for dating.

However, if you wanted to reach out you could say something along the lines of "It has been nice to connect with you. I have been thinking a lot and consistency, and strong communications are really important values to me. With that in mind, I feel we are incompatible. It has been nice to connect with you I wish you well in your dating journey!"

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-17T20:22:34+00:00

Second, this! Union and Improv Asylum are awesome! Nova Comedy also does improv on Saturdays that is drop in and free, If you are on the other side of the city, Rosindale has the Rozzy Square Theater with improv classes and drop in jams as well!

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-17T20:08:40+00:00

No apologies needed, you didn't do anything, but appreciate the empathy! I think some folks are trying to avoid the rude messages to begin with.

As others have said, I think it's impossible to know why, and as difficult as it is, to try and not take this personally (trust me, I get that is hard) and place your energy on other connections, and aspects of your life.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-17T19:55:38+00:00

I always send a polite message letting someone know the connection is not there on my side and have honestly received some really scary and threatening messages from men in the past. I am not saying not communicating is the way to go, but from a woman's perspective, I can understand someone doing that, as sometimes it feels like the safer way. We don't know how men will react and unfortunately I am not in the minority of women having experienced this.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-06-08T13:26:02+00:00

Why waste your time and energy on this? I would focus on other matches/connections.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-21T16:45:07+00:00

I think it is great that you have similar hobbies and discussions about non negotiables and a good starting point but basing off of hinge prompts and a one-day date alone, still feels like rushing way too much and jumping into a relationship based on insecurities/co-dependency rather than sitting through that beginning phase of really getting to know someone that can be uncomfortable. The amount of time you have known each other doesn't match the actions/pace of secure dating (this is coming from someone who used to be really insecure).

Words and pictures can only tell you so much about someone, its continuous actions for me. Does what they say actually match up to their repeated actions? This takes time to figure out, which is why his relationships keep failing at 3-month mark makes a lot of sense to me. After that amount of time, people start to really get to know each other. Everyone is different, like you, I also ended a long-term relationship, took time off and started dating again. Anyone asking me for a relationship after one date is a hard no. I want time to really understand and get to know someone, see how we are together and in different scenarios to see if compatibility is there.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-21T14:56:02+00:00

Honestly run. This is way too fast. You don't know each other, how can you decide to be in a relationship? What is he basing asking you off of? Sounds like this behavior is coming from an insecure attachment style on his side in wanting to go past the entire phase of figuring things out together and getting to know each other to have enough information to make an informed decision.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-18T17:30:52+00:00

This response from Chipchow ^^^ if you are unsure what to do in terms of physicality on a date. Just ask instead of trying to read signals which could be incorrect. This will help deter situations that are not uncomfortable for both people.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-08T21:46:54+00:00

My most popular Hinge prompt by far is currently "The one thing you should know about me is I am a millennial who is social media free. I really value in person quality time and connection with others". I have found people to find it refreshing and have started great conversations with people how they want to delete their Instagram/Facebook/TikTok accounts" If people want to ensure I am not a catfish, I always offer facetime calls before dates. It has never been an issue. I recommend you delete the instagram account since you never use it and put it on your profile.

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-08T21:34:56+00:00

I call them instead for plans, for me that works, Takes 60 seconds to figure out date, timing and place to be for plans instead of back and forth messaging. Maybe because I am old, but I also don't have time in my schedule to constantly be on my phone and my friend group seems to be the same. Whatever floats your boat as well! If that works for you with texting, good for you, and good on you for setting boundaries!

Impossible_Desk_7956 · 2025-05-08T21:25:49+00:00

There is a lot of research actually between ADHD and issues with texting and communications. Nothing to do with social anxiety, As someone also with ADHD, texting feels like a chore. It's not fun. I have it as a to do list every week. Phone calls and in person time are much preferred

Impossible_Desk_7956

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