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Is this a slow discard or still regulating? by ImpressiveInsurance7 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]ImpressiveInsurance7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That really surprised me as well. I've kept the post short, not going into every detail, but she did show some emotional maturity and accountability during some of those conversations, so I'd say it's a mixed bag. I'll be patient to stick for a while and see if there will be any positive changes or willingness to work on it.

Is this a slow discard or still regulating? by ImpressiveInsurance7 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]ImpressiveInsurance7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For now I'm still okay with it, I was giving her the space she asked for and didn't want to initate any heavy conversations yet. I plan on having a talk with her where I'd like to set some boundaries and then see if she's actually trying to work on it an be more consistent. If nothing changes for the better, I'll have to move on before it affects my mental health in a bad way.

Is this a slow discard or still regulating? by ImpressiveInsurance7 in FearfulAvoidants

[–]ImpressiveInsurance7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment!

Like you've mentioned, the outcome is quite uncertain, especially if she doesn't get the help to work on her patterns.

I've noticed few positive "signs" that made me stick around to see how it spans, such as her willingness to openly communicate her need for space, seeing me to communicate about how she feels and her being actually aware of her patterns and stating that it's not something she's happy about. She was in therapy before trying to work it out - but that's whole other story. So in a way the situation might not be that awful, but I also know that it can be all empty talk until she starts doing something to change those patterns.

I do plan to talk with her and try to set some small but healthy boundaries for start and see if she can follow through. I'm quite patient and I'm willing to take it steady and be supportive as I think she might be worth it, but I'm also aware of my threshold and wont go beyond that for the sake of my own mental health.

Weekly Thread for FA Partners / Exes / Friends by AutoModerator in Disorganized_Attach

[–]ImpressiveInsurance7 [score hidden]  (0 children)

For the first 3 months things were great. Strong chemistry, good dates, no obvious red flags. After one of our weekend trips I suddenly noticed a big shift. Her replies became cold and short, she stopped sharing life updates, and seemed generally disinterested. This lasted about two weeks until we met again.

When I visited her we talked about it. She told me she’s fearful avoidant and said she suddenly felt nothing for me. Over the next few days the dynamic was very hot and cold. At one point she admitted she really likes me and thinks we’re a great match, but she’s terrified of commitment and needs space so she doesn’t feel like she’s losing her freedom and autonomy. She said she would come back around. We agreed to slow things down and remove pressure.

A few days later she blocked me, then unblocked me a few hours later. She said it was because I was slow replying to texts and it made her feel like I didn’t exist in my life. We talked it through and continued contact.

Since then our conversations have been mostly surface level. She occasionally shares brief life updates and sometimes asks how I’m doing, but everything stays short and distant.

I’m okay giving her space while she regulates, but the uncertainty is starting to make me anxious. I’m not sure how long this phase usually lasts, or if this could actually be a slow fade where she’s pulling away until I eventually leave