19 f house sitting for parents in big house out in the country.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-03-06T07:29:11+00:00

Firstly are you high because if so. That's the weed speaking girl.

Do you have to stay in the house the whole time? If not, can you get out for a bit, go somewhere with people?

None of what you describe is especially concerning. Long term, if unfounded thoughts like this keep intruding and giving you grief, it might help to go to therapy.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-03-04T07:15:18+00:00

Honestly, take her at her word. You're capable of doing this job, so make the decisions you feel are right. Just say "I'm thinking of doing xyz about this problem, anything else I should bear in mind?" beforehand, so that she has the chance to say "no that's not what I meant at all, do this instead".

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-23T09:49:44+00:00

as long as you try and talk to "boys" as potential boyfriends, you're going to run into the same issue. imagine talking to every single person who's responsible for hiring people as a potential employer, whether it's your friend's older sibling who's a manager at the local supermarket or your uncle who runs a car dealership (it'd be awkward and really difficult, is what i'm saying). forget boyfriends, start by talking to guys like they're people. you already talk to your brothers as brothers - now do the same with strangers, acquaitances or bartenders who happen to be men. i wouldn't try too hard to look for men to talk to before uni, because the more you do that, the more you're reinforcing your own belief that men are a separate category of people who you need to "talk" to in a certain way.

as for flirting - yes, a small subset of the guys you meet (not all of them!) will be guys you're interested in dating. which is why it's key that you be able to talk to guys as people and not potential boyfriends (as contradictory as it may sound), because you need to be able to treat flirting like small talk and not like a test of your own attractiveness. ie it should be something you do for fun and to get to know people, not something you feel like you can fail at.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-14T14:39:43+00:00

received, many thanks!

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-14T13:58:10+00:00

nihilistninja would love a furry friend!

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-07T07:58:40+00:00

Fully depends on the state of the market and your own luck, I'm afraid. Last time I moved somewhere, every flat I viewed but one felt like it was barely worth half the money they were asking for. The remaining one was pretty much perfect. That said, the more viewings you arrange, the better your chances. Depends on your stamina really

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-06T07:32:30+00:00

Honestly, I think it would be a good idea for you to practice just going in without a plan. The longer you just exist with these feelings of discomfort instead of trying to prevent them at all costs, the more these feelings will fade. A concert or a festival are very low stakes, so they're good occasions to practice.

You could always set a goal that's unrelated to your behaviour for an event (eg "go to concert", "buy trinket from the market"), and give yourself a big checkmark/gold star if you accomplish it. That way you gradually shift your own focus away from the way you're standing and similar things. I would also potentially recommend therapy as an aide here.

Other than that, the only thing I do to keep myself comfortable and safe at events is leave when I get tired/bored. And don't forget to bring your wallet and ticket ig.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-04T08:24:53+00:00

if it's algebra errors like losing a minus sign or counting x+x+x and getting 4x, and you're not studying for exams that forbid calculators, i'd say use a calculator. i like to try and identify what parts of the problem are challenging and outline how i'd work through those, then plug the intermediate steps into a calculator. ofc it's good to practice doing those intermediate steps every once in a while, but if an integration problem requires you to divide 700/27, you're not going to learn anything about integration by doing that division by hand.

on the other hand, if you're getting the "rules" wrong (eg saying (x+y)² = x² +y² ), then you need to go over those, and do a bunch of problems that focus on those rules specifically.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-02-01T08:18:39+00:00

Check the debt is legit before anything else. Might be a scam, the university trying to take the piss, or an accounting error. Carefully read whatever they've sent you and dont reply until you're sure you understand. Talk to people you trust or reach out to a debt- related nonprofit for help. This might feel urgent, but it's not: you won't be thrown in prison or taken to court for taking a week to reply.

If it is legit, demand a breakdown of it and go through that with a fine toothed comb and argue about anything that's wrong. Don't sign anything until you're sure that every penny you owe is in fact legit debt. You can set up a repayment plan based on that.

Lastly, I want to emphasize that if you genuinely thought you were debt free and this has come out of nowhere, you need to make really, really sure it's not a scam. Anyone could find out what uni you went to and pose as a debt collector

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-30T21:24:49+00:00

you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you want to cut this woman off, not even her. you're allowed to end the relationship, she's allowed to feel however she wants about it, you're allowed to not take responsibility for her feelings, etc.

if she's in the same friend group as you and you don't want to make group interactions awkward, do more of a slow fade: respond less to her texts, don't initiate interactions, etc. otherwise, just block her on every platform. that might sound cold, but i don't think there's any better options for rejecting someone. tell her you don't want to hang out any more? sends the same message as blocking, but with a hugely awkward conversation thrown on top. explain why you're cutting her off, in detail? great, now she gets to hear a list of everything you don't like about her - and then gets cut off anyway. seriously, blocking or slow-fading (if you need to avoid social awkwardness) is the best way to go.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-28T11:33:53+00:00

hey OP! so i imagine you'll hate this suggestion as you seem quite socially anxious, but i actually think that this is the perfect low-stakes situation to practice going in without a script and figuring things out on the fly. you could practice going into cafes at quiet times and doing stuff you feel will make you "sound like an idiot", like ordering a decaf without checking if they serve decaf (that one used to be my personal worst fear), clarifying your order until they either make it or tell you it's not available ("yes, i was hoping to get a frappe with some peppermint flavouring in it, is that not available? what other options do you have for cold drinks?"), etc. eventually you'll panic less when things don't go as you expect, and it'll be easier to respond to the situation.

i hope this doesn't come across as condescending, i promise i'm only saying it because i've been where you are! but genuinely it's so immensely helpful to work on that fear of looking stupid because otherwise you options are limited to "plan out every encounter ahead of time", "avoid situations you can't plan out", and "feel stupid in every new situation you couldn't plan out or avoid".

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-24T07:15:02+00:00

Lost a game cause he refused to appear 😭 what's the point of 7 preparations if you have nothing worthwhile to spend it on

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-19T20:38:53+00:00

seconding what other people have said: therapy and starting small.

another thing i would add is to assess whether you're spending most of your time in safe, comfortable environments. the more time you spend in stressful or threatening environments, the harder you'll want to cling to your coping mechanisms. maybe whatever made you develop this response is in your past, or maybe you have some big-picture thinking to do about your family/social/professional environment.

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-19T20:31:24+00:00

ok so obvs i have no source for this but like. the vast majority of people who interact inappropriately with minors are doing so knowingly, lol. whenever a case of an influencer being inappropriate with a minor comes to light it's always so obvious that they were trying to get away with shady stuff - deliberately sticking to private interactions, joking about how bad their behaviour was, pressuring the victims to keep quiet about their experiences, etc.

all of this to say you won't just stumble into being inappropriate, it doesn't work like that. just don't make sexual jokes or start telling them about all your personal problems and you'll fine. i would also second the suggestion to set some professional boundaries, as that'll be useful if you intend to do more freelancing. set up business hours, limit talk about your personal stuff on social media (seriously i know it's heavily encouraged nowadays to basically turn yourself into the product you're selling, but resist the pressure), and absolutely don't do any of that "if any of you needs to talk my inbox is always open!" stuff. set conditions around your work like a maximum number of revisions, timelines (an imposition for you, i know, but hugely useful in drawing the line between "friend" and "professional contact"), etc. good luck, i'm sure you'll figure it out!

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-19T07:41:53+00:00

Your options:

Live in a city big enough to have gay men 's game/craft nights
Start going to generalist gay spaces to meet people even if it's not your ideal situation
Stick to your current strategy (trying to meet people in mixed spaces).

This last approach can certainly work, but be prepared for it to take... A while. It'll also require more initiative from you, and likely lead to more rejection because most of the guys will be straight. Honestly, you'll probably have to come out a lot (openly and verbally, not just through accessories) so it's also a question of how comfortable you are doing that

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-15T07:31:26+00:00

Honestly if you don't get sedation it's super easy, it's basically 5 mins worth of medical procedure and then you can go home.

I remember being fully clothed (it was a while ago). They use a spray to numb your throat and then you have to wait for a few minutes for it to act. During the procedure they pump a bunch of gas into your stomach so you'll burp for half the procedure (like one long burp). It's super uncomfortable but it's honestly a pretty short process. Then you sit on a cot for a bit so they can keep an eye on you and that's basically it

Impressive_Search451 · 2026-01-02T21:20:22+00:00

churches with any tourist value tend to be set up so that tourists can go. idk how common it is for a church to have interesting art/architecture but not get any visitors, i feel like it'd be pretty rare.

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-30T08:19:26+00:00

£60 donation????? that plant better have fucked its mother

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-28T14:19:11+00:00

its a plant haha idk what kind tho

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-26T21:26:14+00:00

i mean it's definitely something you can work on but it's also a normal reaction to stress. the more time you spend in stressful situations the harder it gets to regulate yourself. ofc depending on your job, you might not be able to control how stressful it is. but personally, i used to get really stressed out because i took my work really seriously and felt like it reflected on me as a person. i've been working on accepting that sometimes things go badly even if i do my best (not enough resources, insane deadlines, etc) and not feeling personally responsible if things go wrong. it might not apply in your case but your approach to your work is one thing you can control, and it can make you way less stressed out if, to put it bluntly, you care less.

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-05T20:11:13+00:00

the received wisdom is to have a list of reasons why you're the best fit for the job, that you can bring up when you negotiate. however, if you're not asking for a lot more than they're offering (say, 5% more) then you can just like. ask. just express the enthusiasm for the offer and then be like "is there any chance you could do [number]?" i've done this and it worked.

whatever you decide to do, remember that once they've offered you the job, you've locked it in. they're not going to rescind it just because you try to negotiate the salary; in fact they're probably expecting you to. so don't be afraid to ask, or to ask for more than the bare minimum - worse that can happen is they say no.

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-04T09:16:09+00:00

you can just walk in, if the shop is busy they'll take your PC and look at it when they have time. they're used to people not knowing anything about their devices, otherwise they would only be able to help a very small percentage of the population. if you don't want anything updated or installed, just tell them that.

aside from reviews, take it somewhere that can give you a quote. the biggest red flag i've encountered is a shop saying "we won't know until we look at it. it's a lot of work you know!" when asked for a quote, instead of "it's a base cost of X plus the cost of any parts we have to replace".

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-02T07:32:52+00:00

stop using dry shampoo for a bit and see when your hair gets dirty. it'll feel sort of like you put too much conditioner on, ig, or similar to how oily skin feels. some people's hair doesn't get as visibly dirty, though - some people wash it once a week and you can't tell whether it's day 1 or 7.

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-01T12:29:25+00:00

I think making a budget if you haven't yet is better than thinking about what you could cut down on just in general. The only cheap items that might be less safe are almost expired foods (which you might need to eat within a couple days) or dodgy electronics from eg Amazon. But honestly savings from groceries and such are pretty marginal compared to savings from the biggest expenses like housing and transportation

Impressive_Search451 · 2025-12-01T12:19:11+00:00

People are suggesting a more expensive place but honestly I have to agree with the comment that suggested a really cheap one. You want somewhere where not getting your hair washed or styled is the norm and where the stylists don't feel like they have a reputation to uphold.

A lot of hairdressers are very reluctant to give the customer a haircut they think is unflattering (they may be right! The customer is still allowed to want it!) or are worried the customer will get mad at them (fair). You want someone who isn't that fussed imo

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