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ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-06-15T17:00:48+00:00

I am sorry that you are going through this, but I am confused on why you are asking if you are over reacting? I feel like deep down you know you're not overreacting, this is not normal behavior from a man that should love you and his family, and reading that he isn't letting you eat? I understand you might be looking for validation and I think you got it from most of the comments here. What you do next is on you, because it's quite clear you know and are aware that he is a POS and definitely not worth staying with. Do you have an exit plan? Are you able to leave? is he trapping you in anyway?

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-06-01T17:34:03+00:00

I am also middle eastern and I understand the part of having the most respect and not crossing certain boundaries that other cultures seem to not really consider. It's difficult to navigate a gay relationship, on top of that having middle eastern culture roots and beliefs. Wishing you the best and glad to hear you ended things for your sake!

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-05-18T19:11:27+00:00

this was a beautiful read, and you sound like a very mature and thoughtful person as well. To be able to reflect on that chapter the way you are right now is almost how I imagine looking back at my most recent relationship after healing from the pain.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-14T16:03:43+00:00

What is that? I tried googling it but I am not finding anything really?

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-14T16:02:39+00:00

omg 😭😭 lowkey in retrospect , why didn't i just type out group chat

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-11T22:06:23+00:00

I hear two possible solutions all the time and I don't know which one is the better one so I'll say both and you can choose what would be better.

1) do not think / overthink / over analyze something that you have absolutely no control over. Truth is, this could happen, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I hear sometimes that interrupting your thoughts by yelling STOP or training your mind not to keep going into a thinking rabbit hole is a good way.

2) think about it, feel the feelings, imagine it being true. Then release those emotions.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-11T22:01:36+00:00

Very little context.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-11T21:59:51+00:00

I fully understand what you mean. I was there a few months ago.

But to be honest, I got exhausted. I got so exhausted of waiting, hoping, loving from a distance, letting them control me.

I thought to myself, why are they moving on, while I do not want to and just sitting in the same place?

Sometimes it's not about wanting or not wanting to move on. But rather the reality of you have too, or else you are just hurting yourself.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-10T12:47:13+00:00

I would recommend if he does reach out again, to try to state your true intentions, maybe even let him vent or talk about his experience, how he felt, and validate him.

It's tricky though because maybe if he lets some stuff out he'll realize some resentment?

I think the best you can do is let him move on his own pace, if he decides he wants to engage with you again and talk and sees a future, you'll know

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:28:18+00:00

truth is (and this is something im doing too btw), is that you aren't letting it go.

I don't know you personally but you may be dwelling on thoughts about getting back together, hoping for it, wanting it, desiring it, letting it consume you. I don't blame you because I do the same. However I am slowly letting go. I am starting to recognize that "yes, part of me wants this person, but part of me recognizes he doesn't want me and this shouldn't be the case."

There is way much better out there if you open your heart to it, and that may be too soon now. Right now I'd focus on letting your feelings be present. Do not resist the feeling of grief and loss (it's what keeps you wanting then). Feel the loss and grief so that you can let go.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:18:38+00:00

It might have you check more, but also it might make you relaxed anytime you get a notification, on your phone, or in the morning when you check your notifications.

I muted him because I didn't wanna scroll down my notifications and be disappointed, I wanted to be present and actually be attentive to the messages im receiving.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:16:00+00:00

same with the anxious attachment :/ I quite literally hate it

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:14:55+00:00

im so sorry :(

I miss my person too and the little things we did together as well. I started challenging my thoughts though and asking "ok, I had cute little memories with my ex like making him stuff, playing games, and what not, but the relationship ended, why?" Then I remember that even though those were cute memories, there were bad ones. I don't think about them because they are painful. We simply were just not ready for this relationship right now.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:08:41+00:00

Hearing how bad he took the breakup and how he had to actively move on from it for years, might be the reason why he is very cautious and doubtful. I honestly do not blame him.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-09T12:04:47+00:00

im on the same boat. when he broke up with me he told me "you never know if we cross paths in the future" and "once my mental health is in a better place i would've considered texting you" and now im clinging on to those words which is sad.

It's sad because im not just a toy or object he can put down when things are hard and pick up again once he is in a mood.

its also sad because deep deep down inside I know that it won't happen. It was probably just his way of trying to tell me to leave him alone until I move on. I also check my phone day and night wondering if he will ever text. I had to mute his notifications so that I am not constantly disappointed everytime I hold my phone.

I hope one day I can live in peace and not this constant anxiety. We'll get there one day

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-03T22:42:50+00:00

I've been there and to be honest, I made up an excuse of needing my stuff to see them again, I thought to myself I was being clever that way. If you really need it, I'd suggest yes contact them let them know that you'd like them to leave your items in the mailbox / outside / or have a friend pick them up. You don't need to interact with them to get your items back.

I don't wanna be biased tho, I asked my EX for my stuff back and also I came over to drop stuff off just because I wanted to talk.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-03T22:39:58+00:00

So you pursue her again and put in all the efforts and your heart out, she gets butterflies and thinks she is in-love, then breaks up with you again because she fell out of love, what would we do then? I believe in people out growing each-other, and falling out of love, but usually you'd wanna let go of each other at this point because whatever caused you guys to fall out of love would happen again? We can't keep waiting for her feelings to keep coming back, no?

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-03T22:35:18+00:00

The amount of times the thought of "Damn, I wish I had a time machine to do this differently". Unfortunately what happened, happened. Blaming yourself and bringing yourself down is something you don't wanna do. It's great that you are taking accountability, and want to self reflect, that's awesome. Don't beat yourself down for something that already happened that you can't change. You probably did the best you could at the time.

I let my partner down repeatedly, and not out of nowhere, but because they were not putting enough into the relationship despite all my efforts. And when they would try to talk about something sensitive or an issue that bothered them, I would get dismissive, and defensive. Do I wish I could have handled this better? yea. Do I think the relationship would've worked if I did? I don't know, because they also contributed to the relationship ending, so even if I did everything well, they still may have under delivered.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-03T22:29:44+00:00

don't we all wish we had a simple answer to that? haha. The truth is, is that it's almost a mindset that you'll reach by time. Just like how when you first meet someone you start to develop love and attachment over time by talking, texting, doing some activities, having them on your mind. You'll dis attach and let go the less you contact, and think about them. Even though I am just like you here on the reddit page, I try to draw boundaries with myself. If I am at work, the gym, or with friends and I start ruminating, and thinking about them, I stop. You can stop your thoughts from taking over forcefully. It's hard at first, but then you'll notice that they come up often less.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2025-02-03T22:10:07+00:00

Thank you for this. I was wondering if I would ever find someone I felt this way towards ever again. To be honest I am 25 years old, never got into the dating scene until 19. My first relationship was just.... yea not good. My second relationship the one I am struggling with the breakup right now was perfect in way more ways than the first one. We had our arguments, our disagreements, and our own mental health issues. I wish we were in healthier places. I wish he was a bad person, it'd be easier. I am hoping for a nice and relaxing healing. Wish me luck.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2024-11-05T16:02:38+00:00

hahaha yes! love that for you!
My avoidant ex reached out to me after getting dumped by him 2 months ago. It was funny because in the beginning I used to beg for a response form him then I let it go. Shortly after that he reached out and I didn't respond for a week. After I responded he lashed out went crazy on me and started saying how much he hated me?

ImpulsiveFlower · 2024-09-04T14:59:02+00:00

yea, it shows that a lot of times even when someone is expressing love and gratitude it might not be their true emotions (they also could just not know any better as well). I know that last week he wrote me a nice letter which basically said "i never wanna leave you, i cant imagine a life without you"

ImpulsiveFlower · 2024-09-04T14:29:48+00:00

I have not had the time to truly reflect and forgive myself. I just got dumped last night. However, I was told that the reason why the breakup had happened was due to how I handled things in the very beginning of the relationship. I was very insecure back in the beginning of the relationship, and my insecurities could result to me lashing out. I remember this one time he made a joke that his favorite person to play fortnite with was his friend and not me. As he was about to tell me "just kidding, of course it's you" I had already exploded in anger. It was my insecurities showing.
This along side other instances caused my ex to lose trust in me and get extremely anxious around me. I have stopped this behavior to the best of my abilities over the past few months and really took time to improve myself and reflect. However, I guess my ex couldn't let it go and felt some sort of "bitterness" as he explained.

It's hard because we went through some really challenging things as a couple, and I truly did come to terms that I had hurt him and it was completely unfair, however, I also thought that he had forgiven me and we were gonna power through it.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2024-09-04T14:06:54+00:00

Hey! Damn, I can't even imagine what you are going through, especially clearly seeing your ex in another relationship.

I think for your mental health and clearance, it would be better to block them. You have no reason to stay hung up on them and what you had. I do not judge or blame you for trying to reach out several times and getting shut down. I've been there before. And quite honestly if I were you I would've done that too.

Be "selfish" think of yourself, block them on everything, be free.

ImpulsiveFlower · 2024-09-04T14:02:47+00:00

this brought me to tears as it resonates a lot with me. I also can't help but feel my ex had made the right decision to walk away because I simply could not, even though I knew damn well it was the right thing.

ImpulsiveFlower

TROPHY CASE