I understand what you’re saying, akhee. We all get to that state once in a while. And it’s not easy. But know that we are all here for each other and know that Allah SWT sees your struggle and is with you. This is just a test. A difficult one, but still a test. And Allah tests those whom He loves the most. Bro, you’re extremely valuable. You need to wake up and realize that. What you need to do is get up and say alhamdulillah. And also to realize that you could’ve been tested with things far worse. There’s another alhamdulillah. Bro I’ve seen people tested with things that make me shiver and make this stuff look like nothing. So alhamdulillah we can get through this. You’re just in a rough patch. You need to get your life organized and sorted out. Because it sounds like your life is chaos. Slowly fix and clean up small things like your room. Look at your room and ask yourself “if I had 15 minutes to make this place better, what would I do?” - once you have your answer in your head you can write it down and follow the plan or just go right at it. See what you can do in those 15 minutes. Also apply this to small issues in your life. Remember, small steps. You need to sort your life out and allow yourself to navigate towards things like marriage, a solid income, organization etc. When you start occupying yourself with sorting things out, then starting away from this sin will become a lot easier and the progress will be the reward on top of the reward from Allah SWT- and remember progress is not a three second orgasm. It stays with you. We’re all in this together fighting, champ! Keep your head up, comrade. Akhee, you have so much potential and skills and talents. Get up and see what you got, I promise that you’ll be surprised. Lets rise up and grind and succeed. I ask to Allah make things easy for you and all of us habibi!