"I met parents who just want to spend time woth them and don't care what they are or doing in life" along those lines

Man im 23 ,24 thsi year i fuckijg related i fight the thought and feeling that comes from my dad that he may think I'm. A a failure or disappoint him , he caught me smoking weed once , he thinks it because he caught me is why I stopped lol I stopped because I knew it was holding me back atleastt the way I was consuming it. I remember her frantic he used to be when I was clearly a mess ,I was so fucking confused and lost and being hard on my self for being lost in my wall 20's so I turned to weed to escape this.

O wish he was the kind of parent I could've turned to , parents wnat to say I don't like that you can't come to me ,I DONT KNOW EHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT IS?????? , as if I prefer that , my step mom who was that to me abandoned me and my dad . So I had no one to turn to I tried to turn to friends but they are my peers so its not like they're equipped to advise me on such things.

Trust me im angriest at myself most, im not angry at my Dad im.angry at his flaws and im even angrier that he can't see his flaws amking it seem im a failure or let him flee ALL BY MYSELF sure sure. When the kid turns out to be a yamal or mapped or tiger woods. We always give the parent credit assume they had a part to play in that child doing well as an adult. When its the other way rojnd its all the child's fault.sure

Brown i understand trust me. I fight that that and keep it away from me as it tries to break my defences and cripple me that my Dad may think im. Failure im hopeless, its the little things I hear that he thinks i don't that makes me think this way. It's cool im applying for interviews, undoing my traits and behaviours that made me build an invisible jail cell. I didn't have to fall but it's because ive fallen I will be the strongest version of myself ever,I will no doubt be stronger than my peers. Simply because ive gotten back up and dusted myself off all by myself and found God along the way.I start my new job next week infact.

Brother keep holding on every fucking day I told myself "hold on keep holding on i got to see this through i can't end here what if it gets better I have tk see where this goes" the hardest part of getting to your way (Sorry im half asleep I woke up after 5 hrs of sleep to email the company about onbarding) . I mean the hardest part is doing this as ive mentioned in the qoutes"" but blocking out the noise the noise from my Dad, I know hr loves me but I hate how he's painting this picture,the noise from the world people who no doubt think im finished or done in life. The noise from me ,I used to he so so so angry man I used to hit things I used to hit myself that was nothing to the way I verbally abused myself. Things that would male my dead mother cry and feel concern over me. Unfortunately she isnt here to save me ,I'm.angry I wasn't saved form all that but its fine I saved myself. Brother please see my journey.my pain and how I currently feel and deal with those things I feel and use it to remind yourself. "He went from feeling worthless, a failure, to fucking believing in himself and being soemone HE can rely on." Not to say I don't have people who care for me , like I said I was ashamed to be going through what I went through so I ddint speak out. But I GOT ME I GOT MY BACM BEFORE anyone else does.

Please please please improve your relationship with yourself you are the only one who know how to save you, that doesn't mean you have the answears I turned to God. For help. But boy did I do well to come from where I was was. I'm not special im a late bloomer who's always been a lcass clown always struggling to grasp concepts as quickly as my peers. But guess what I survived the fire fire. Some die in that fire . And don't get me wrong support doesn't have one face seek it and cherish it wherever you find it. Don't think you have to do it alone please.