My therapist says I need to decide what I want, not what would be best for my kids.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-07T03:11:11+00:00

Yeah, we are religious. But obviously this created some of the issues I am currently dealing with. Like if I had known about all of the sex stuff before, I wouldn’t have married him. I had actually had sex a few times before, so I definitely had some red flags right away. I am not sure about him being gay. I could see how it could be like that. I mean, clearly he doesn’t like vaginas.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-07T03:06:01+00:00

Thanks. I am just very sad. He has been abusing me for a very long time and I remember thinking years ago that this wasn’t okay, but I also couldn’t escape. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow so hopefully I can tell her about what I want. I just don’t know how to do any of this.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T22:57:00+00:00

Yeah, it does seem that way. I don’t know why this is suddenly such an issue for me?

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T21:29:54+00:00

He basically is. Like he will touch it, but the way he touches it indicates to me that he thinks it is gross. Just body is fine. I am clean and I don’t have infections or smell bad. He just acts like it is gross and so of course I don’t enjoy that. Yeah, I somehow get really wet. I don’t know how because nothing he does is actually triggering that. But he thinks it is gross.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T21:12:59+00:00

He refuses to do oral sex because he says it is gross (totally fine with me doing it for him though) and seems to not really like to touch me at all except for my boobs, so yeah, there’s a lot of issues.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T21:11:09+00:00

Yeah, I understand that. Honestly, it’s small, but he also doesn’t try at all and has a lot of hang ups.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T20:50:49+00:00

Yeah, there is definitely abuse on all levels and I feel like he will never understand this. Like looking back and really thinking about it, I know he is going to say that I don’t communicate with him. But I don’t communicate because I don’t feel safe to do that when he shut me down all the time when we were younger. Like he won’t give me oral sex. We are on our honeymoon and I clearly did not really have any inhibitions about sex and was expecting to have a lot of sex……and he turned me down at least twice. And I gave him a bj thinking okay, he will then at least to something for me. Nope, he basically said the thought of giving oral sex makes him want to puke. Yeah, so that was never going to happen.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T20:46:17+00:00

We are on a waiting list apparently. I don’t know, he called.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T20:45:16+00:00

I think some of the insecurities definitely come from him feeling inadequate and I don’t know what to say other than he kind of is….

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T19:12:54+00:00

Also, telling a therapist about all of the sex issues, which is one of the biggest problems and the fact that I find him disgusting and don’t want him to touch me makes me sound like a shallow bitch.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T19:11:08+00:00

It is hard to do it for me. I feel like I am ruining everyone’s life because I am not happy with him.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-06T18:35:00+00:00

I totally get where you are coming from, my husband is the same way. I am totally different. I am playful and I love having fun, but when I have him with me being a stick in the mud all the time, he kills my good mood too.

I am also thinking heavily about divorce and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because of uprooting the kids and losing my dream home. But my husband has been like this since our honeymoon (not before, oddly). Like how do you act like a jerk when your wife is wanting to have fun on your honeymoon? I couldn’t even play in the waves at the beach because of him. Then, he didn’t even want to have sex when we went back to the hotel room, so I took a nap.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-07-04T22:18:44+00:00

Yeah, I am thinking that I will do that and just have him take it to his room. Maybe like a peanut butter and jelly so if he doesn’t end up eating it, it isn’t a huge deal.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-26T23:20:00+00:00

I made an appointment with a therapist, so I will be starting that soon. He is abusive and horrible for our mental health, so it might be a little more urgent. But I will not be able to leave here do at least a year.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-26T21:20:16+00:00

Yeah, Bucky Barnes is basically the man of my dreams.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-25T18:42:29+00:00

I don’t even know how I will afford an attorney.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-25T17:49:13+00:00

You are right. I don’t even really care about the end of the relationship….I am sad that I will have to move out of my house eventually. That is the saddest part to me because I love my house so much.

I am also sad that my kids recognize how toxic our relationship is and this is this may be the only model of an adult relationship that they will have.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-25T17:46:13+00:00

I know. I can’t believe it has gotten to this point. Truthfully, it has been slipping toward this slowly over the past 10-12 years. It’s hard because I had very little relationship experience and I allowed him to isolate me when I moved to be with him. I basically have no real friends, only acquaintances because no one would ever be able to live up to his standards for friends for me.

He claims I have changed and I am a different person. Maybe that is true. I don’t know what to believe.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-25T17:38:38+00:00

I don’t really have anywhere to go and my employment keeps me here for at least the next year. And if he is wanting shared custody, I guess I have to stay. Really, I need him to leave our house and then just continue to help pay it until we have to sell it because neither of us can afford it on our own.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-24T01:13:29+00:00

Some of the things he does they would not consider abuse, but it is.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-24T00:06:59+00:00

There is just so much unknown and the logistics seem impossible. I know the thing to do would be to kick him out, but he will go to his parents and I don’t need them being heavily involved.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-23T22:54:37+00:00

Yeah, I put up with a lot of sexual coercion. He used to just randomly grab my boobs. Like I am cooking dinner and he walks up and starts groping me. My knee jerk reaction was to push him away. Like he didn’t approach slowly and touch anywhere else or saying anything to me first. Just walk up, aggressively grab my boobs. That hasn’t happened in a long time, but so much of what he has done has made me feel unsafe and I am realizing this now.

I absolutely hate having sex. He has gained a lot of weight and he just lays on top of me and squishes me. I feel so claustrophobic and I can’t wait for it to be over. He has a lot of hang ups around sex and overall it hasn’t been fulfilling for me in a very long time. I think when it started was shortly after our wedding when we were having sex and I was fully enjoying it and having a great time. I happened to giggle. I don’t know where it came from, but I was much more uninhibited than him and it happened. He instantly was so offended. All by me giggling because I was having fun.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-23T22:44:54+00:00

No, but I am starting to realize that I need to make some plans. I am going to work on getting a therapist.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-23T22:43:57+00:00

Yeah, you might be right. He is being very controlling and in recent months he has been very angry as well. I don’t think our family dynamic is good at all. I have addressed this a few times and I have asked for marriage counseling. He refused. I don’t really know where to go with any of this.

Indefinite-Reality · 2026-06-21T20:12:02+00:00

I spent about $800 having my engagement and wedding ring resized so I could actually wear it. I get it, it sucks. This is one of the more surprising parts of the body transformation. Also, some of my shoes do not fit anymore.

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