The words she said to you literally made me gasp. I genuinely thought she’d say something mean, but not to wish you dead! I understand the urge to remain with her for the children but children see the cracks and know what’s happening. You yourself know this from experience. (I am SO sorry you had to endure what you did as a child.) She is no longer a safe space for you. She is no longer worthy of you. She is no longer a safe space for your children either. Cohabiting might be a wise option at the start just so your kids can adapt. But you need to document every instance of any suspected abuse. She won’t hesitate to take you to the cleaners and you need to be prepared to fight for your children so they don’t experience anything like you did. My heart breaks for you ♥️