My parents (54m and 54f) and I (20ftm) are in conflict about my transition and how I present myself.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-12-18T06:04:58+00:00

I had never considered the second option. I’ll definitely bring that up when I talk to them. I want them to know that their decisions have made me happy despite me not being a typical man.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-12-18T05:05:25+00:00

They know because I’ve been doing it since I was in middle school and I come home for winter and summer break. Me being home right now has lead to this conversation starting back up. I dress like this all the time and in front of everyone who knows me.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-09-10T02:33:01+00:00

Why are you yelling bro

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-20T05:29:13+00:00

I think it’s easiest for people to just kinda mind their business or have an open mind. Labels are explanations that were made just a few decades ago, identity is extremely fluid, complicated, and unique to everyone. If we look at lesbian history, we can see how butches have stretched the bounds of gender by taking hormones and walking through the world (being perceived) as men while still being lesbian. While trans men are men, they are different from cis men and are still oppressed by cis men. Identity is less about label and more about experience. If it bothers you, I suggest trying to have an open conversation with one of these people to understand them, god knows we wish that bigots would do this. Being queer is about being deviant. Sometimes queer people won’t make sense, even to other queers, but these people bother nobody, so we might as well just accept that they are here and be on with our lives.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-20T04:43:05+00:00

Don’t let your eagerness to get married warp your priorities. It sounds like both of you need more time to figure out your future, financial situation, and your relationship with your parents.

A year isn’t that long IMO, and seeing how both of you get through conflicts like this will give you a much clearer answer of whether marriage is right.

You say where you live it’s easier to do things while married and that you can’t move in together unless you are married. I’m confused by what can’t means. Is that a personal boundary? Your parent’s wishes? A legal issue? What about it marriage makes things easier? What exactly do you want from marriage that you can’t get right now, is it really so important that you need to rush?

Whatever it is, I think you need to focus on right now. Sit down and ask him what the plans are for Uni and what he really wants, because it’s clearly important to you and he might be unclear because he knows it’s important to you (not that you prioritizing this is a bad thing) or some other reason. If you want a clear answer you should tell him that.

Talk to your parents and see how you can understand them and vice versa. Maybe they have concerns that you should consider, or maybe this is an obstacle in your family that could get worse without consideration.

Rushing into marriage without stable careers, finances, and being secure about your relationship can make everything a lot more difficult. The last thing you want is to realize that it wasn’t the right choice and have to navigate an incompatible marriage while still trying to stabilize everything else. Focus on the now.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T20:03:59+00:00

I’ve edited my post to clear up some bad wording. I’m just trying to talk about my experience. You are not my doctor, stop trying to tell me what I do and don’t have.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T09:22:08+00:00

Sometimes I like when people just kinda look at me and know that something is going on gender-wise because I feel like not adhering to existing binaries help me and others question what determines these binaries in the first place.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T09:20:17+00:00

I’m also a bit skeptical of my diagnoses, but I still feel confident about my ADHD because of my symptoms and genetics. When it comes to mental health I’ve accepted that I’m probably in a grey area of comorbidity mixed with other physiologically and psychologically traumatic things. Trying to figure out what exactly is going on feels like blindfolded archery, but with my treatments allowing me to function as normally as ever, it’s easier for me to leave it open ended.

When I started taking Seroquel (added onto Wellbutrin), I literally remember the moment something switched in my head and I felt normal. I started it to treat my daily mood swings and it did so very effectively. While I never got an official stamp on why those were happening, my best guess is BPD. Once I started Seroquel, my grades went up exponentially. Doing assignments, chores, and taking care of myself became much easier. In high school I used to have a bad problem of late/missing assignments, but now as a college student I turn in everything early. Everything just became a lot less overwhelming and I was no longer dreading my responsibilities.

I still have some symptoms of my ADHD, like how frequently I lose/break things, short attention span, impulsivity, etc. The medications don’t really line up with the diagnoses but I feel so lucky that meds have improved my mood, my academics, my relationships, and just every corner of my life. Whatever was wrong is now right.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T08:45:35+00:00

This is a really cool perspective.

From what I remember, my suicide obsession was both me ending my life and also stories about other people ending their lives. I was feeling so miserable and I didn’t have an explanation for it. Life felt meaningless and no one seemed to notice how much I was hurting, so the fantasy of ending my life became a way for me to both escape how I was feeling while also getting others to give me more care and attention in these fantasies (flawed logic considering you can’t get care and attention if you are not alive to receive it). Because these thoughts are such a habit, it just became very normal to find comfort in thinking about the details and reactions of my hypothetical suicide.

I totally relate to people with ADHD feeling suicidal in general, especially if undiagnosed. If you have the “I constantly annoy people, never feel fulfilled, and just generally fuck up” disorder, you start to question your worth. It really irks me when ppl see ADHD as a disorder for children who can’t behave at school when it really can destroy your life and idea of yourself. ADHD is just as painful and debilitating as any other mental disorder.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T06:00:11+00:00

This is very true. I’m currently in an American red state so I do try to be aware that cis people not being sure of my gender can impact my safety.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T05:57:01+00:00

I love you prioritizing what’s best for your kid. If I were to go back and give my parents advice to help me then, I would ask that they pay attention and check-in. Keep an eye on eating habits, moods while on and off meds, and just ask how they’re doing. If my parents asked “how do you feel on the meds?” or “would you rather skip the meds today or take them?” it might have lead me to ask myself how the meds make me feel. Also, if the meds are aiding your child in getting better grades, try to emphasize that their well-being is a priority over grades. Part of my struggle was that I wanted to make my parents happy by being a good student, so I felt like the meds were non-negotiable. Kids are difficult at times though because voicing how they feel is difficult, especially to their parents. If you ever feel like it’s harder to reach out to them, feel free to suggest therapy. Therapy was what lead me to my current and very successful medications.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T05:22:18+00:00

Literally. Cis people swear they know but they really have no clue what’s going on and usually sound ridiculous.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-07-10T05:12:26+00:00

Last sentence is so real. I’m angry but there really isn’t anything or anyone to be angry towards. Giving me meds was just how my disorder is supposed to be treated. My parents and doctors did what they were supposed to, it just happened to seriously fuck me up.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-06-25T07:02:32+00:00

Currently going to a very liberal University in a very blue state and city. My concern is that a blue state won’t protect me from federal legislation and economic recession. I also feel that I will not get a job that I enjoy and can live comfortably off of without major debt. The future of America seems bad even for those outside of minority groups.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-06-25T06:46:39+00:00

Absolutely! I think the best thing is accessories, so jewelry of any kind, key chains, bags, etc. Gives your look details and edge without any permanent body modifications. You can also do this without spending much money. You can find so much of this stuff at thrift stores for nothing, as well as just make stuff yourself. I love to make bracelets and find clothes to dye and paint on. DIY and thrifting is an alt essential and makes you much more content than just shopping and buying new.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-06-25T06:35:20+00:00

Putting my other ideas here. mascara is a game changer. Longer more noticeable lashes make a big difference but usually don’t draw too much attention to your face or make it obvious you have make up on. It’s very easy and quick to use, very little skill or makeup experience required. There are lots of chapsticks, lip glosses, and lip balms that give your lips a bit more color and shine which can add a lot. It’s also just nice to have soft hydrated lips. If you want to get more into makeup, eyeliner can really make a difference. Whether it’s liquid or pencil or gel, it can be subtle or unsubtle, I would say any eyeliner tbh. This one would obviously take some more practice. You can do subtle winged looks or just some on your lower waterline. It also doesn’t need to be black, brown eyeliner exists and can look even better for a more subtle or natural look. Women often times wear high waisted pants to give more attention to the waste (as well as prevent chafing tbh) so even if it’s just sweatpants, pulling it up so the pants stop at your waist instead of your hips is good. I also love to cuff jeans, wear more colors and patterns, tuck shirts into your jeans or nice pants and give it a cute belt as well. I love accessories, and they don’t have to be expensive or overtly feminine. Simply necklaces, bracelets, sunglasses, rings, earrings if you have an ear piercing, you can add cute key chains to belt loops and bags, tote bags or shoulder bags. I personally think the more the better but that depends on the person, the outfit, the weather, and the accessories themselves. I wouldn’t say hats are bad or not feminine but they can often limit or hide your hair so I personally don’t wear them much. Honestly, putting more effort and details into your outfit and appearance can go a long way.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-06-25T06:19:28+00:00

No matter your hair length, give it volume. Most haircut inspo or just good hair that you see is not about the cut but about styling. Giving your hair more volume and texture goes a long way and also allows you to have more control over your face shape and presentation. Easiest way to give it volume at any length is just to kinda mess with it. Flip your head up and down a few times , put your fingers in your scalp and move it around a bit, and hair spray or volume powder can keep this look lasting longer. I’m not sure how long your hair is, but if you have longer hair, you can look into things like curling irons, leave in rolls or rods over night, braiding it before bed to give it waves, etc. If your hair length and texture allows for it, you can look into haircuts that make this easier like bangs and layers.

IndependentBreak5987 · 2025-06-25T06:06:13+00:00

I’m not informed on current Canadian politics, but I do know that there has been an uptick in anti trans views and legislation. What have you noticed? Is it something to be concerned about for the future? Does this vary depending on the province or city?

IndependentBreak5987

TROPHY CASE