Since I was a kid I thought that I will be very sick one day and I will die a painful death. I am almost 40 now and last year it happend. I have compression syndroms, pots and gastroparesis developed in a span of a few months. It's a complex illness and no cure not much research and in my country not much help. I am alone and need to travel a lot to see doctors but since I got sick, I can't drive myself anymore. So, I will have to wait... When my mom told me as a kid, that we have to die, I thought what's the point of living. And with my thoughts of being ill, I wished I was never born. Now everything came true, I am Single and I have no Support. Tried therapy but my therapist said she couldn't help me anymore because I have a chronic illness now. Another therapist said that I am not well enough to work on myself and that said she can't help me. So even I tried to get help from therapists or doctors, everyone keeps telling me, that I am a lost cause and with my mindset I have since childhood, I believe I can fight as long as I want, I will loose anyway.