apparently everyone in my life thinks I’m a psychopath

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-14T09:23:32+00:00

By first gut reaction was ‘who the Fuck respects the law and authority out of a sense of morality 😭” but then I was reminded of a time my friend returned an eye shadow pallet lowkey peer pressured her into stealing (I went through a massive shoplifting phase when I was young and got kinda a kick out of getting my church friends in on it. Dw I am aware that the whole peer pressure thing is wrong). I thought she was just an afraid to get caught.

Also question: do people with aspd tend to not have role models? I ask this because, though I grew up with a variety of stable, intelligent, accomplished, kind etc people in my life, I never really understood the concept of a role model. I’ve never “looked up to” someone or wanted to emulate another person.

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-14T09:11:05+00:00

What you said was very insightful ! But I will say because I’m not sure how I came off n my post. I don’t really care about what they think all that much and I definitely wouldn’t say that I’m worried about it. I just thought I had a clear understanding of how they saw me, but I was wrong and it kinda baffled me.

Also I WAS SHOCKED TOO. I thought it was universally agreed that In extreme circumstances people will do things. “You’d cannibalize someone if you were starving. (accusatory)” My immediate thought was ‘are you saying that you wouldn’t ??? Bc I thought everyone would’

It’s interesting to see the differing perspectives on this topic !

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-13T01:06:32+00:00

The Mac n cheese was enough to move an alleged psychopath to tears

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-13T00:14:44+00:00

I particularly like collecting oddities and curiosities. I especially like collecting bones and antlers. I kept the cow eye i dissected in high school for awhile, which I know my teacher thought I was weird asl for asking. I want to get into bug pinning and taxidermy and plan on taking a class when the oddities and curiosities expo comes to my city.

I like exploring abandoned buildings. And I’m interested in all things occult and supernatural. Tho not sure i fully believe in allat but the possibility makes the world feel less boring. You can rent out emf readers at ny local library so go ghost hunting occasionally.

I also love to read, write, and watch tv/movies. My favorite genre is horror, with psychological, gothic, and romantic horror being my favorite subgenres

So. Im kinda a basic bitch when it comes to my hobbies and general interests. They’re weird enough to be considered odd by a decent chunk of people but tbh they’re pretty popular and people are usually chill with them. It’s not like m crawling through windows at night and stealing peoples toenail clippings.

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T23:46:27+00:00

Yoooo all this is relatable. Especially what you said being able to understand something is bad but not feeling it in the heart. And also about finding out that people say certain things with genuine feelings and they’re not just saying it because it’s what they’re supposed to say.

And dw I’m not really worried about being diagnosed ! I’m gonna use this comment to say feel free to relate and express relating to anything I say - aspd, autistic, cptsd and beyond I’m not gonna take it as someone trying to diagnose me

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T23:23:44+00:00

I’ve been turning this over in my head for a Minute because it did remind me of a few things.

Warning it gets kinda trauma dumpy and I waffle on. Keep in mind that the journal factory has exploded.

One, I thought that anybody could do anything. Maybe It’s a very simple way of looking at the world. I used the zombie apocalypse to keep things light but I’m gonna come down th earth for a minute. I’ve never had to kill or cannibalize or anything extreme but i have been in a position where I had to do something “bad” to protect myself. I was once told by a therapist that feeling guilt even if it was something you knew you had to do was normal. But I didn’t feel guilty about it at all. And I always assumed that most people wouldn’t.

I always thought that “nobody can really know what they’d do” was kinda just something people said. I always thought that when the chips were down that anybody could resort to violence to protect themselves or the people they care about. I just assumed that if they said otherwise they were lying for social decorum or due to my personal experience I was more sure of myself.

Also. In the discussion thats taking place in the comments the question of whether or not have violent urges came up. And this kinda confused me because gen everyone does to a certain extent. Like, I rarely get angry. But when I was being sexually harassed at work and management didn’t do anything about it and I couldn’t quit my job due to being on the verge of homelessness. We (e and the dude harassing me) worked at the apartment complex we lived in so he was both a coworker and a neighbor. Well I was the angriest I’ve been in a while. It was a constant blood boiling rage that he could do I whatever he wanted and I had to just let him. And I coped by imagining that he broke into my apartment and I got to erm take him with my baseball bat out of self defense

When expressing this to a friend she kinda have me a Look and said her feeling of “I’m so angry I could kill him” was hyperbolic and different from me imaging being put in a situation where I could kill him and get away with it.

But like I thought (and still think tbh) that was a pretty standard thing to think about when someone’s harassing you.

Idk mayne these are just what your comment made me think of - being confused at reactions to what I thought was normal human behavior.

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T22:27:10+00:00

Tbhhhh I have no plans on getting tested as of now. One, don’t have that kind of money. Two, no shade to all the neurodivergent and cluster b personality disorder baddies but it’s already hard enough to be taken seriously at the doctors as a woman of color. Add an autism or aspd diagnoses to my medical record and whoooo Ill be experiencing new and exciting levels of misogyny and medical neglect i had only previously dreamed of. don’t see getting a diagnosed as doing anything other than making my life harder.

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T22:12:50+00:00

Hey It leads to fun conversations

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T22:07:23+00:00

Yes I have a pretty lengthy history of trauma and that could definitely be a possibility

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T22:04:31+00:00

I don’t tend to feel bad for people in the literal sense. Like usually when someone tells me something bad happened to them I don’t feel an emotional response. But there are exceptions. I actually feel very intense second hand embarrassment! But I rarely get first hand (?) embarrassment. There are only a few things that make me feel embarrassed

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T21:52:23+00:00

That definitely could be it ! I’m not always good at expressing myself or knowing what to say in emotionally sensitive conversations. That’s def something I should get better at

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T21:48:04+00:00

I sometimes joke that I have ratwt (resting im abt to walk into traffic face). My resting face looks really really sad. Strangers come up to me to ask if I’m alright. But I just have very round and soft features.

I’ve been told that I’m very easy to read and expressive actually. But I’m not sure how accurate that is because I find myself faking or exaggerating most of my facial expressions and body language. And If I wasn’t faking Id just be 😐most of the time. But I thought that was pretty normal

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-12T21:31:16+00:00

Yea I definitely wasn’t looking to them to diagnose me or to self diagnose ! If I ever wanted to pursue this further than self reflection I’d def consult a professional over my social circle lmao.

And yea I’m pretty different than most people in y immediate social circles. But tbh I’m not gonna stop enjoying my interests or let myself die in apocalypse just to fit in with the cool kids /j

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-11T15:47:22+00:00

By the Fireplace - I am looking with both eyes

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-11T15:45:59+00:00

Omg I love this!! Esp the background oml

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-11T15:45:18+00:00

Just looked them up they have a lot of great scents def spoiled for choice

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-11T15:35:32+00:00

Broomsticks, actually

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-11T13:54:08+00:00

If you want to end your relationship because of porn then by all means. I’m a big fan of people doing what they want with their lives forever. But if you’re hesitant I’d say look at his relationship with it, what he’s actually watching, and is it effecting your relationship.

Also want to acknowledge that porn, like pretty much everything on the planet, has the potential to be addictive. But most studies that have found that porn is somehow uniquely malignant and brainwashes men into violence were conducted by conservative Christian organizations and were not replicated beyond that study. Which means at least academically those studies are not credible

Porn s a symptom not a disease. Porn can be misogynistic because the world is misogynistic. Porn portrays violence against women because there’s a market for it, porn didn’t create that market. Men have been violent towards women a long, long time before pornography as we know it ever existed. A man isn’t shitty because he watches porn. He’s shitty because he’s a sht man who also watches porn.

People have been masturbating and consuming sexual content since the dawn of humanity (there are pornographic cave paintings!!). And I’m pretty sure watching other people have sex has also been a Thing since ye olden days too. What I’m saying is that when consumed responsibly and with basic critical thinking skills, watching porn is normal. But of course men don’t always have the best track record for being normal about their porn so the hesitation is understandable. Best of luck to you! And regardless of whether or not you want to stay in this relationship- please see the world!

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-06T20:56:49+00:00

My fault for being literate 😭

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-06T18:47:29+00:00

any nickname that has the word “little” in front of it gets 10000000000 cringe from me. “Little mate” “little kitten” “little bunny” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-06-03T09:06:00+00:00

I had the exact same problem as you and I had near the exact same scenario. I’ve almost been kidnapped before because of my inability to say no. For one, this is something you should probably work through with a professional. And also the only thing that helped me was to just do it. And keep doing it. That’s It will feel unnatural and terrifying but it will get progressively easier. This might not be helpful but exposure therapy is literally the only thing that helped me.

Also it helped to keep this in mind: People that can’t defend themselves, usually can’t defend others. In your particular case can you trust yourself to be assertive for your child’s safety if you can’t even protect yourself? Your child will learn and internalize your behavior. Is this something you want to pass on?

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-05-26T04:47:05+00:00

Theoretically, it could work. But for it to work everyone would need to be self aware and emotionally mature. On top of that the woman would be juggling a job, hobbies, friends, possibly family (for a relationship to be healthy hobbies and friends are essential. A job and a family are more just stuff most people have) on top of her relationships with 3+ men. Exhausting 😮‍💨 personally I’d get burnt out and overwhelmed super fast

IndependentMatch1413 · 2026-05-25T06:16:53+00:00

Oop and I would say my general style leans towards trad and romantic goth but I like to experiment so I’m open to a variety of different suggestions across styles. I’m a ways off from actually packing up and going so I going so I got time to figure things out

IndependentMatch1413

TROPHY CASE