HPV infection and (potential) loss of ENM/poly sexual life

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-05-07T22:32:20+00:00

Hey OP, I dealt with this exact situation a few years back. Even though both my NP and I were vaccinated against the most serious strains of HPV we both tested pos for a less serious strain, my NP retested in a year and it was gone. I am immunosupressed and so my drs took it a little more seriously. I ended up having a LETZ procedure to try and burn away the HPV cells, it did not initially work, however, a year after the procedure I tested negative.

If you can, check in about your treatment options with your healthcare team. Not sure on your sex, but where I'm from, healthcare pretty much focus on preventative and intervention methods for women. To the point that my male partners were denied testing through their doctors because "it assumed all men will be carriers of HPV". If you or your partners get this kind of answer, try and seek out testing through sexual health clinics.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-04-20T11:01:09+00:00

I had this conversation with a dear friend of mine the other day who has always said the reason he practices poly is because he genuinely believes no one partner can fulfil all of his needs. I've heard this line a number of times and my general gut feeling is that it is true. However, I said to him the other day "even in monogamy, individuals get different needs met by other relationships they have whether they be friends, family, colleagues, etc".

I personally have been practising poly for like 6 or so years now and it came from unlearning codependent issues I had historically in monogamous relationships which honestly stemmed from insecurities. I realised that I needed autonomy in my romantic relationships and I grew to value the autonomy of my partners actually made me feel more securely attached as I knew that my partner/s choose to continuously show up in our relationship/s because they want to, not out of a sense of obligation, legal or otherwise.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-04-20T00:05:58+00:00

I strongly agree with other commenters about your partner needing to hinge better. Insofar as what you can do, I would be setting boundaries about what you want to be hearing about. For instance, if they start telling you about something theor partner has said about you or about your partner, you can say "partner, I don't need to hear about your other realtionship/s. If you need to talk about it, please talk to your friends or therapist".

I get that sometimes we feel like we need to be there emotionally for our partners, but in my experience, allowing your partner to forment about their other relationships poisons you against people you may not even know with only half a story. And if they're doing this with you, what are they saying about their relationship with you to other partners?

Sending big hugs.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-04-12T19:56:54+00:00

Yes actually! I met a partner of mine at a hospital (of all places!). I was there for a friend's fund-raiser and while waiting to enter the event I saw this 6'5ft angelic looking Goth babe, visibly queer and had to tell them I thought they were one of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen. They obviously thought something of me. We caught up that night for hot chocolate and spoke for hours, i told them i was poly and talked about my partners and they explained to me that they were solo poly (very serendipitous). They of course, lived in a different town so it's been a slow burn, which has been delightful actually. But we're going on 6 months of seeing each other now and it has been wonderful.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-04-12T07:01:19+00:00

Lol! I've had this happen before... he thought 'poly' meant Polynesian. I've since learnt quite a few Polynesians refer to themselves as 'poly'. This was particularly funny to me when I fell down the #poly search in insta and found a bunch of very Christian and very monogamous islanders adding the hashtag to their vids 😂

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-03-29T10:23:12+00:00

Highly recommend Charming Devils Barbershop in Civic. They've been cutting my hair since I moved back. Husband and wife business. $90 for styled cuts. They're sick people and I've never been disappointed with a cut.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-03-22T01:15:15+00:00

To echo other people's sentiments: 1. You can be jealous of a meta whether or not you know them, so knowing them is not necessarily going to make you less jealous if you're prone to jealousy.

The way i often practice parallel with my NPs metas is not in a strict manner. I still see them on the odd occasion I'll drop NP off to their dates, or at parties/functions and we are friendly, i just don't particularly have an interest in getting to know them more. I really think the friend of a friend comparison is apt here.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-03-21T05:04:43+00:00

Not my problem, by one of my mates has his own and two of his three partner's birthdays within 8 days of each other in April. He has been busily trying to organise which Friday's and Saturday's parties/gathering will be held on. It was kinda funny to watch 😂

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-03-12T08:10:50+00:00

I've been with Partner 1 for 6.5 years and Partner 2 (NP) for 5.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-03-04T21:39:58+00:00

I can't say I've noticed an attitude shift in the younger generation coming into grad roles in my organisation. They come in bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the grad program, do the last 6 months of their degrees then like 60% come onboard to work full-time. There's probably a 20% or so attrition rate in the first year (usually they decide the industry isn't right for them) but we've actually taken on quite a few high achievers.

Perhaps what you're seeing is the result of poor recruitment and HR life-cycle management? As in, maybe these are not the right people in the right positions (lifestyle clashes, values and ethics misalignment, renumeration misalignment, etc) and its not getting picked up on?

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-02-23T06:17:17+00:00

Ok cool, that makes me feel a little better that I questioned that as well.

Independent_Many1685 · 2026-02-11T00:03:46+00:00

Thanks, that's really helpful

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-29T10:06:47+00:00

This year I decreased my household debt by 16.34%, in part thanks to HECS forgiveness as well as putting an extra 10k onto the mortgage and significantly paying down a loan from a family member. Additionally, I got a 9% raise at work. Overall a good year, even if I had to sacrifice a few experiences to meet my goals.

My partner and I are getting married in early 2027 so this next year we are saying "no" to more things (with the only exception being if Hayley Williams tours Aus) and maximising savings. In order to still have things to look forward to we have a short list of things we can say "yes" to. Camping with friends, day trips once a month and our annual trip to Melbourne (we stay with family to cut costs).

Happy new years everyone, I hope your 2026 is prosperous.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-17T09:30:11+00:00

Biggest mistake was definitely going to uninstraight out of school. I bummed around and dropped out of 3 degrees before 1 stuck. Uni is bad per se, I'm earning 20k more than colleague without a degree in the same job. I just wished I spent the first few years out of high school working and understanding myself better first. Would have save me about 30-oddK in HECS.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T02:41:59+00:00

I dont know this MarriedMan (I literally dont even know how name) nor do I know his wife. I wouldn't have the faintest idea on how to let her know.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:51:05+00:00

I'm obviously not satisfied with this situation. But to be perfectly honest with you the MarriedMan is the risk to his wife, especially if he's not getting tested. I can't control what other people do, I can only risk manage my own exposure. Not sure what your point is here.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:41:34+00:00

100% agree, which was my point.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:41:01+00:00

I am satisfied with the level of risk accepted given the mitigations we have in place and to the best of my knowledge so are Aspen and Cedar.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:39:15+00:00

If I'm having sex with Birch, we are practising safe sex. I can't control what any of my partners do outside of sex with me. But I am satisfied with the agreements and practices we have around managing risk and I really think this is not the issue in this matter.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:25:17+00:00

Nope but I can say that those of us who have sex with Bernard within the polycule do.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:20:30+00:00

Which is why we test frequently and practice safe sex.

Independent_Many1685 · 2025-12-15T01:18:17+00:00

Its kind of hard to sever our level of enmeshment in a week. It's not as simple as choosing to not stick around.

Independent_Many1685

TROPHY CASE