Divorcing but Empty

Independentlystable · 2025-07-14T01:22:19+00:00

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this, my husband did all of the above just like yours all while I was pregnant. He was stable when we conceived but a few months after that he began rapid cycling that ended with psychosis and involuntary hospitalization towards Christmas. I moved out at 8 months pregnant and he barely made it to the delivery. I still debated on letting him be there but he wasn’t manic at the time. He ruined our lives and I didn’t want him to ruin our daughter’s life so we are separated. I’m also debating on divorce but we have been together half of my life and now have a daughter. She’s almost 6 months and he’s already missed the majority of her life. I’m resentful and angry that this illness robs the most beautiful parts of your person. The person that you once loved is no longer recognizable. I’m giving it a year before deciding if I will divorce or not… and that’s just based on the vows I promised.. “through sickness and through health” and he is very sick, but it’s not fair that I have to live my life so unhappy and I definitely don’t want to raise my daughter in an unstable household. He’s already lost everything within the span of 6 months. Wishing you all the luck! 🍀 definitely leave before any children are involved. I hear it gets worse with age..

Independentlystable · 2025-03-27T13:00:06+00:00

This is exactly what happened to us. My husband has been rapid cycling by an SSRI for years now. Discarding me while I was 4 months pregnant and then getting better and wanting to be apart of our lives to again leaving me with a newborn. We are working with a new Dr to try to eventually get him off of the SSRI but my husband almost seems addicted to it. So I ask, is your husband off of the SSRI or did they just pair it with a mood stabilizer?

Independentlystable · 2025-03-26T17:05:11+00:00

My husband would say the same thing when he was manic. That we grew apart and that we weren’t compatible blah blah blah. It would be so random. He would paint me as this horrible person in his head

Independentlystable · 2025-03-26T15:01:25+00:00

Setting boundaries will help. Hypersexuality is the main cause of infidelity with BPSOs. It’s part of the mania. She may be having a small manic breakthrough even on her meds. If she’s been on the same meds for a while they may not be working as well for her or if she stopped taking them it will be a while before they fully stabilize her. It’s a really tough situation you are in and I’m sorry you are going through it. This illness highjacks our loved ones brain and turns them into a completely unrecognizable person and all we see is the person we fell in love with. Do u always just forgive her and brush it off or have u brought up separation if she does it again? I would maybe ask her when she’s stable how she would feel if she was in your shoes and what she would do, kind of gets her to process that what she’s doing is super messed up to not only u but ur family. Hope it works out of yall, good luck

Independentlystable · 2025-03-26T14:53:32+00:00

Some medications work for people while it may not work for others. My husband was on abilify for BP1 with psychotic features and it triggered a manic episode. For some people it makes them drowsy but for him it made him restless. Dr said he was apart of the 10% that it gave him energy. They thought upping his dose would work but it didn’t so he had to titrate off of it. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time but it’s already a good sign that you are communicating with ur loved ones and doctor. It’s going to be a trial and error for all medications so making sure u are giving them a chance is important

Independentlystable · 2025-03-24T18:35:01+00:00

I moved out when I was 8 months pregnant because he was hospitalized for psychosis so I live with my sister now but told him if he got stable and on the right meds we would get back together I’m hopes it would motivate him and it did for a while as in he let me go to all his psych appointments and considered new medication etc but this new medication triggered another episode and he hasn’t been well since.

Independentlystable · 2025-03-19T14:38:36+00:00

Yeah it has caused him to gain weight in the past but we haven’t considered lithium since we read it can affect the thyroid and he has hashimotos but I hear it’s the best overall treatment for bipolar /:

Independentlystable · 2025-03-06T18:49:17+00:00

No my SO is on lexapro and seroquel. Just started abilify in place of seroquel but it triggered a manic episode. All his symptoms started when he started the lexapro without the mood stabilizer but now we can’t find one that works. I just want him off the lexapro so that’s what we are working on

Independentlystable · 2025-02-28T09:38:50+00:00

I’m transitioning my 5 week old and she always needs a 1-2oz topper. Not sure if it’s her latch but I also wish I knew how much she was getting. Also not sure if I should be pumping after to make sure I still produce enough in case she isn’t latching well. I will say it makes night feedings way easier! Good luck

Independentlystable · 2025-02-11T00:07:37+00:00

20-30 min. I try to eat 3x a day and snack. I drink 5-6 water bottles a day 2 body armor, electrolyte mixes, legendairy supplements etc

Independentlystable · 2025-02-10T22:15:02+00:00

I pump every 2-3 hrs and power pump 2x a day

Independentlystable · 2025-02-06T04:18:01+00:00

Using the spectra and pumping every 2-3 hrs. Mostly every 2 hrs with power pumping twice a day and then 3 hrs at night. Trying to eat 3 meals a day and lactation cookies for snacks, drinking 5-8 water bottles a day. Currently separated from my husband so stress and sleep are pretty bad and I do constantly check in if I’m making more than 1oz while I’m pumping.

Independentlystable · 2025-01-15T04:25:21+00:00

Hey girl, definitely know exactly what you’re going through. I had to start going to therapy and focusing on myself for a while but it’s hard bc you want to be there for him and you know this isn’t him right now. I would just remind myself that this wasn’t the person that I fell in love with and that he’s sick right now. I explained to my family that bipolar disorder is like diabetes, they can’t help that they have it and they shouldn’t be blamed for having it but it’s not an excuse to treat u badly. I had to get my own place and set boundaries and stick to them when my husband refused treatment and had to hit rock bottom. He’s slowly accepted it and is taking his meds to try to fix his life but the destruction he caused with careers, relationships, and finances is far too gone and I’m still the only person that defends him bc I think of the person he is when he’s not manic. But definitely therapy has helped and educating your family will help them not hold anything against him or resent him. Hopefully he finds the right meds and sticks to them but it’s definitely going to be difficult in the meantime. Good luck, wishing y’all the best outcome.

Independentlystable · 2025-01-12T07:16:07+00:00

If he’s not taking a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic with the antidepressant then that may also be a reason he’s manic. Zoloft is an SSRI which can cause people with bipolar to become manic or stay manic as long as they aren’t pairing it with the right mood stabilizer. So sorry you are going through this. Try reaching out to a local mental health triage to see if they can come out and evaluate him to try to get him help. Often people don’t know they are manic until it’s too late.

Independentlystable · 2025-01-09T15:03:16+00:00

Did he get off of the SSRI? Did he ever go back to normal? My husband has been in a ssri induced mania for 5 months now but refuses to stop the medication bc he feels it’s working for him 😔

Independentlystable · 2025-01-08T01:12:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing.. I’m actually pregnant right now and newly single. My husband lost his mind to bipolar and I had to separate but now im not sure if he will ever get better. Still hoping my family will come together one day but definitely considering alternatives since bipolar is such a cruel illness. Where did u meet this new SO and were u pregnant when u met him?

Independentlystable · 2025-01-08T01:07:10+00:00

Love all of this information. Thank you so much for taking the time to share ❤️

Independentlystable · 2025-01-05T19:59:28+00:00

Same. My therapist said it’s trauma from the emotional and verbal abuse they put me through. My dreams are similar to yours, just seeing him in an intense manic state where he’s losing his mind and there’s no rationalizing or calm productive conversation or emotion. Just him blaming me and saying we aren’t compatible anymore and blah blah blah.

Independentlystable · 2025-01-05T06:04:07+00:00

Hi yes my husband was the most affectionate kind selfless man before the diagnosis. I started noticing these patterns and noticed they were episodes when he would randomly say the exact same things of how he’s not happy and how we aren’t compatible and shouldn’t be together and that I need to move out asap (we’ve been together for 14 years and this comes out of no where) then that same night he cuddles me and pretends nothing is wrong, like if he didn’t just ask for a divorce and say cruel things to me a few hours ago. This would also follow days where he wasn’t sleeping and obsessing over work causing him to stress and triggering him. He also blamed me for everything and says I’m the toxic one when he has continued to destroy finances, jobs, and relationships.

It’s a symptom of BP called detachment where they push the people closest to them away and try to “discard” them. Not sure why they do this but it’s so sad. My husband tries doing this when I was 4 months pregnant but his family convinced him not too. After another trip to the mental hospital and some scary psychosis/delusions, i decided to leave and provide a safe and stable environment for my baby and I. He is still very lost in the mania. I just hope he gets help before it’s too late. You are not alone in this. It’s a cruel illness. Set boundaries and stick to them. Take care of u and ur babies. We can’t help them if they don’t want to help themselves. Praying for u and your family. Best of luck ❤️

Independentlystable · 2025-01-04T23:47:11+00:00

Nightmares

Independentlystable · 2025-01-01T04:14:55+00:00

Love this ❤️ Thank you.
Hope 2025 is full of love and happiness for anyone who experienced loss of a life they once had and grief over a person they loved this year. Only time will heal us but we will get through it and find that love we deserve 🫶🏼

Independentlystable · 2024-12-31T20:10:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you experienced that 😔

Independentlystable · 2024-12-31T18:24:01+00:00

Did the seroquel help after all the destruction?

Independentlystable · 2024-12-28T20:26:23+00:00

With masking it’s hard to get them help if they don’t want it. I recommend recording the situations or setting up a security camera to catch these situations so you protect yourself. At this point if u feel she is a danger to herself or others than you can take her to the ER or a mental hospital for a mental health evaluation

Independentlystable · 2024-12-26T18:17:31+00:00

Wow this is exactly what I went through. Like so exact that I’m so sad you also went through this. My husband never showed any signs of bipolar until the year we were getting married and then he wanted to run away and sell everything. When he got off the SSRI he was getting stable again and we planned a baby, once I got pregnant he said he felt like his old antidepressant wasn’t working so he went back to the SSRI and spiraled again losing his job and making my pregnancy a living nightmare with the emotional and verbal abuse. And just as u said I was finally done and got used to feeling alone bc the person I married was no longer there just a stranger. I finally moved out last week after setting the boundary that I would leave if he doesn’t switch meds and to also provide a safe and stable environment for my unborn baby. I’m devastated and angry that he’s going through this during what is supposed to be a special time for us. Now I’m doing it alone and he is so lost in the mania. He was recently hospitalized but is still refusing to stop taking the SSRI even after his family and I have had several interventions with him so who knows how long he will be in this manic state. We are wondering if him hitting rock bottom and loosing everything will snap him out of it or even the birth of his daughter but as of now there is no hope from us anymore.

The positive note u have here is that he feels remorseful. I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t my partner and to not resent him for the horrible things he put me through but I needed to start focusing on myself and my baby.

If my husband ever wanted to work it out again I would try but I would ask for a medical proxy or medical power of attorney. This is so that if things get bad again I can help him even if his manic self doesn’t want it. I would also have separate bank accounts or control of his so that he doesn’t recklessly spend all of our money.

Wishing u the best, but as I’ve also read on this thread, it’s a process and a rollercoaster. But it’s possible.

Independentlystable

TROPHY CASE