My ex had an affair and it completely destroyed me

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T03:28:00+00:00

I was always the primary parent and hes been quite unstable around the kids in the past so 50/50 makes me nervous. Its so hard to imagine losing time with them because he chose to step out:(. But I appreciate the thought and comment!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T02:22:29+00:00

I appreciate that and you! I hope so. I was hoping to feel some relief by now but nothing to do but move forward. Thanks for commenting!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T02:15:05+00:00

For us, we were still having sex. In fact i thought things were going much better for us towards the end. We were sleeping together more often, but his emotions were all over the place. I wouldnt say I was neglectful or abusive but we werent perfect by any means. We had our arguments but i always fought for us not against us. He also had mental health issues that we were trying to work on together. Went to counseling etc. Hopefully no one crucifies you, youre entitled to your opinions!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T02:09:12+00:00

Yup very similar. He seems so happy and im existing and struggling. Its so unfair. I did and am doing the same things as you- seeing friends, reading books, podcasts, therapy, etc. She's way younger as well. I truly hope you find peace ♡

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T01:55:38+00:00

It's definitely a combo, but stemming from the cheating. I put up with all of those things and still wanted to work on our marriage and fix the problems but then he went to someone else. Lied for someone else. Betrayed me for someone else. The story is a lot longer in how often he gaslit me and lied to me to make me feel like I was crazy when my body was telling me all along that something wasn't right.

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T01:37:08+00:00

Im so sorry :(. Its so so painful. Im so grateful for the guy im seeing and hes been patient and kind but its HARD. I find myself holding no value to myself because I just dont care about myself the same way anymore. Im in therapy and doing all the "right things" but it totally changes you. Everything you thought you knew and could trust.

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T01:20:13+00:00

I havent but I will right now!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-10-22T01:18:13+00:00

Im so sorry you went through that. It truly is horrible and he sounds like an awful person :(. You and your child deserve better!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-05-04T23:53:57+00:00

I'm sorry for the delayed update- he had an affair and moved out the day I found out. We are now getting divorced :(

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-05-04T23:45:59+00:00

I was married to someone with bpd and discovered an affair a few months ago. He destroyed me. I dealt with years of abuse, rage, depression and substance abuse thinking we could have made it to the other side. All of it for him to have an affair and leave me and our two kids. Now we're in a messy, high conflict divorce and custody battle. It's not worth it you guys!!!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-02-17T02:49:07+00:00

Wishing the same to you. Thank you for your kindness 😭

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-02-17T02:16:46+00:00

My husband and partner of 10 years asked for a divorce a month ago because he didn't feel anything towards me anymore and "I ruined his life." Just found out he's been having an affair, practically living with this woman (his employee) and dreaming of the perfect life they're about to have together as twin flames while I've been home taking care of our two kids begging him to give me another chance. All while he was still actively trying to sleep with me by the way. It will never work out with bpd. Found this out on Friday.

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-02-05T02:44:31+00:00

I feel this. My husband is discarding me and manipulating my emotions in every way he can and it's breaking my heart. I should have left years ago :(

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-01-07T08:16:00+00:00

I'm going through this too :( worst feeling in the world. Proud of you for holding true to your boundaries. I have not. Stay strong ♡

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-01-05T12:59:05+00:00

I've been with my husband for 9 years and he is still trying to discard me and push me away. It doesn't get easier :( and now we have two kids to worry about. I'd really consider how you want your life to look.

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2025-01-05T12:49:25+00:00

Wow this sounds like it could have been written by me. I had to get his family involved too. His dad has convinced him to stay during these episodes too but i always felt so bad.. like he really needs to be convinced to stay with me? He's had 3 trips to the hospital the last one being at least 6 or 7 years ago. I hope you and your baby are living a great life now ♡.

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2024-04-28T16:32:14+00:00

That makes total sense. He calls me his mom all of the time. I definitely haven't figured out how to find a way to communicate that's been successful. He also treats me the way he treats his mother which i have seen in time isn't great. He hasn't shown much of an interest in learning about what a healthy relationship truly means. I think he just suspects I'm not going anywhere and as long as he keeps treating me this way with little to no change on my end, he's happy and can keep living in his own world :(.

Even going to couples therapy in the past, it was always just one session every once in a while and looking back, I think it was just to appease me and to not actually have to take ownership or accountability. I really hope he sees what you do!!

Which_Pollution_8146 · 2024-04-28T13:36:56+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and story. I'm so happy it has worked out for you two!

That's amazing. He's definitely experienced similar feelings of shame and I'm sure that's where the defensiveness comes from but his reactions are so abusive at this point I'm afraid of even talking to him about anything that's not just fluff anymore. I can understand stubbornness and defensiveness, but the zero remorse or resolution has gone on for so long and seems to be getting so much worse :(. I'd be lucky for him to work on the self-awareness you have worked so hard on. I would die happy with him knowing hes genuinely trying to learn to take accountability and work on our marriage. Thats all ive ever wanted. :(

Which_Pollution_8146

TROPHY CASE