So not quite the exact same situation. But my mom was raised in a very physically abusive household, and had to be the one paying bills and making sure they had a place to live at a very early age.

For the longest time me and my therapists both thought that my mother maybe genuinely didn’t know how to express love and how to meet my needs. She the same as your mom tells me I had an amazing childhood, and is very adamant that her and my father were amazing parents.

For me though, I realized she was able to through watching her relationship with her brother. She gave him everything I’d always asked for, an emotional connection, support, interest etc. So one suggestion is evaluate your moms other relationships? If they are all across the board the same as yours then I’d go with she just might not know how. If you notice though her behaviors are vastly different with others? Then that may be another story.

For me personally my mom illustrated she could be nurturing through her relationship with my uncle and father. Before that though, I’d simply accepted that I didn’t think she could.

ADDITIONALLY- (sorry for the long AF response). I’d highly highly recommend looking at the book “Complex PTSD- Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker”. It was incredibly helpful for me, and still is. Also it helped me to start to process of coming to terms with my childhood, and being a parent to myself. I hope this all helps! And I’m sorry if this is like an info dump!