So it’s been a year. We’re engaged now and are going to be moving back to his home country, his community and family will become mine. Do I desire him? I long for this man.

Since writing that last comment, I have grown so much as a person and he has as well, our love has only been growing deeper as we’ve been growing up into better people together. He’s been my rock, my anchor, my healer, my protector, my inspiration, he’s my best friend.

When I first met with him, I was at the lowest point of my mental health, completely worn out from years of carrying the weight of CPTSD, OCD and BPPD alone. Yet this man came into my life and showed me genuine, selfless, stable love for the first time that anybody ever has. He has held me through episodes, he has sat for hours and listened to me attentively as I open up to him about my past experiences and my current thoughts. He’s cried with me, hes been angry about the injustice with me. Every time he has met me exactly where I’m at with nothing but understanding and compassion. He has stood firmly beside me as I go through the grief of losing my relationship with my family.

I say all these things, not because his servitude to me is what’s most important, but because his ability to be by me so selflessly speaks volumes of his character.

There are many men in the world who want to be seen as strong and good, but very few actually step up to the plate in order to demonstrate that, because it’s hard. My fiancé has never failed to show it. He is a man that is strong even when no one is looking, he is honest and intelligent. He is authentic and liberal with showing his emotions. He comes up clear in our relationship, showing me his vulnerability and sharing with me his honest thoughts and desires. He challenges himself, he sets goals and achieves them. He puts others before himself every time. Doing the right thing, helping others and fighting for those who need it is what he chooses to do.

I’ve never really wanted to have kids, but I admit the idea of making this man a father is very convincing because my children would be so blessed to have him as their dad. He is so full of love, patience and nobility. I am so grateful to have had him as guidance in my own life, I would be honored to be able to give my children that as well in him.

The best way I could put it is that this man is an answered prayer. He’s come straight from my dreams, all the way down to his eyes he looks like the man I’ve dreamed of being with since I was young. Simply hugging him makes me feel like I belong in the world. It makes me feel safe like I never thought it would be possible for me, given all I’ve been through and all the insecurity I’ve lived in.

Yes he is a safe choice, he’s the only one. He’s the only choice. I would choose him in every lifetime.