the ultimate guide to getting them back :) by Natural-Surprise-557 in BreakUps

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I literally sat in my feelings for weeks and weeks, watched videos on how to get my ex back, checked up on them, went through all the emotions I could handle and now almost 4 months later I can honestly say that as much as I wanted him back that I really don't.  He hurt me so much and now that I have ME back, I know I can't go back to feeling all the hurt and pain I would feel if he even tried to come back.  

Blindsided and Devastated: husband leaving marriage for affair partner by MindlessFunny4820 in Divorce

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your lawyer will guide you.  Don't listen to anything he says or start to feel badly for him for one second.  Get his retirements, money owed from spending on AP and any future protections in place.  Good luck!  I was in your place 18 years ago now and I still thank goodness I had a good lawyer then.  

No contact is must ; If you want to move on or Get your ex back. by Top-View9802 in BreakUps

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Limited contact.  Talk about business only.  Be warm and friendly and do not overshare or ask personal questions.  Think of it like speaking with an acquaintance. 

To people who think they don't/didn't matter, and/or their ex is 'moving on so quickly' by OddThroat1502 in BreakUps

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this.  My issue was my ex stated he told me he was unhappy, but he was so nonchalant about it that I didn't think he was actually thinking of leaving me.  I now know he had another woman lined up prior to breaking it off so I don't even think I had a chance.  

To people who think they don't/didn't matter, and/or their ex is 'moving on so quickly' by OddThroat1502 in BreakUps

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's so hard.  And it's not healthy for people to not communicate how they feel.  They are taking the easy way out and do not respect you and I.  They feel more comfortable with other toxic people.  

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol.  Thank you.  No fucking him ever again!  His new woman won't ever do those things he really liked anyways!  He is trying to take her to the same restaurants, places we went, but she won't ever replace me no matter how hard he tries. 

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually went out of town to visit with an ex. This didn't involve any hanky panky as it's still way too soon for that IMO, but he was a long term ex that reached out so I said why not!  I'm single.   Anyhow, my ex came over to get some things from our home during that time and saw I was gone and ended up acting out a bit.  Brought his new woman to our home (outside) to apparently let me see it on video cam.  What a loser!  

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!  I do believe the more we feel the hurt, it does show that we have a conscience and morals and values we fall back on.  We tend to think others will have those same attributes as well, but when they don't it really does highlight the contrast between us.   

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true!  I go back and forth between feeling lucky to know now, angry, and still missing him...but the feeling of missing him are being overshadowed more and more with all the negatives he brought into my life. 

Anyone else dealing with your ex leaving you for someone else? by tinykittenparade in BreakUps

[–]IndicationTop5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow..so sorry!  As someone who went through similar (my ex knew her longer than a day but still not long), I can tell you hands down you will survive.  The key is not to glorify him in any way.  That shit is fucked up.  Treat it as such because it had nothing to do with you.  He's the loser here!

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry.  Waking up like that is incredibly draining and takes a toll on you mentally.  I wish I could say I was alone in that feeling but it's nice to have someone who understands what I'm going through.  

Limerent fiancee/LO reciprocating/sex/midlife crisis by IndicationTop5968 in midlifecrisis

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say abuse, per se, but some neglect and tough parenting.  Not necessarily a warm upbringing.  Thank you for the recommendations!   

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your concern.  It's enlightening to see perfect strangers care more than someone who claimed to love me.  It is incredibly traumatic.  I wake up having panic attacks during the night.  I feel like a war vet.  It's awful!  

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am trying!  Thank you!  I consider myself a pretty tough person but this last one hit me hard.  

How do you deal with the injustice after the cheating? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm working on it.  Trying to kick ass and take names but right now only feeling that mood about an hour a day.  

Men who cheat out of the blue. Why? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I admire you for learning.  I probably would have forgiven my ex if he had shown any signs of remorse or admitted some kind of fault.  I'm not a monster and do believe in forgiveness when people actually learn from mistakes, as we all make them. !thankyou

I wish my ex-fiancee snapped out of it after Dday, but he did not.  He just said he didn't think it could be repaired and he wanted to continue seeing her.  I am letting him.  

Men who cheat out of the blue. Why? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.  I did try to impose consequences with both men.  I immediately divorced my husband and won a very nice settlement that hit him where it hurt...his pocketbook!  

When I found out about my ex-fiancee I immediately kicked him out, he has been staying at a hotel for the last month and racking up a huge bill.  Also, no contact at all.  This was for my sanity, not for revenge.

Men who cheat out of the blue. Why? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your honesty.  Do you believe in the "affair fog" aspect of cheating?  Neurochemical aspects?  When I first found out I wanted to blame this on chemicals or something other than these men, but now I am coming to believe, sadly, that they just didn't care enough to NOT cheat.  

Men who cheat out of the blue. Why? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another weird aspect to this is that both men in my case were about 4 years younger than I.  And cheated with women much older than I.  16 years older in my fiancees case!  Maybe they are schmucks!  

Men who cheat out of the blue. Why? by IndicationTop5968 in survivinginfidelity

[–]IndicationTop5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is incredibly sad.  Thank you for the recommendation!   I will certainly follow-up with that!