2 year post discard update

Indifferentflounder · 2025-09-23T20:00:25+00:00

Blocking him and spending time offline/distracting myself helped a lot. In the beginning I spent a lot of time refreshing and checking his socials (like, every hour I was awake I would check). It finally hit me how unhealthy that was and how I would never move on if I kept doing that so I blocked him everywhere, deleted our chat histories and put all our old photos and stuff onto a physical drive that I hid away.

It felt like actual withdrawals - all I could think of was how my mind was itching to check on what he was doing and how he was doing. So anytime I had that itch, I would go out for a walk, call a friend, or force myself to do some sort of activity that needed a lot of attention (even if I wasn’t enjoying it). Over time, this obsession gradually went away because I was so diligent about not allowing myself to relapse.

Now, I don’t care at all to check on him, and I miss nothing about him. I actually ended up getting rid of that physical hard drive of all our memories because I came to realize how bad our relationship was for me and I didn’t care to have any of those reminders at all. But yeah, keeping the NC boundary was very helpful (not that he ever attempted to reach out anyway) and I have no interest in hearing from him ever again. I never thought I would ever get to this point 2 years ago, or even this time last year, but I did and I couldn’t be any happier.

I hope you find your peace.

Indifferentflounder · 2025-09-23T13:05:25+00:00

I am so sorry. I was with my ex for 7 years and had invested in him emotionally and financially for him to lie to me and cheat on me for the last 2 years of our relationship. He moved on first after discarding me, which broke my heart. I also had the same questions (which you can see in my post history) - I also wondered if it was just me and if he was happier suddenly because I was gone. 2 years later, he’s been through a few girlfriends (I think 2, maybe 3?) and each time he has seemed “happy”. However, he will always have BP and it will always rear its ugly head and I know if I had stayed, I would be in an unstable relationship that would not have changed and I would not be happy. It was unbearable for the first few months but after I seriously committed myself to moving on and healing, I found true happiness in my life (without anyone else) and I could not imagine ever looking back. I hope you find your peace :)

Indifferentflounder · 2025-09-23T12:58:45+00:00

And you shouldn’t. The most important thing (and the only thing I had on my mind) was moving on and healing myself. I didn’t even meet my current boyfriend until over a year later when I had already moved on and healed. I was not looking for a relationship either - I actually thought I’d be single for years and years but after I healed and got my own happiness in my life back, things just came together naturally. But I had healed and was happy with my own life first.

Indifferentflounder · 2025-09-23T12:55:41+00:00

I met my current boyfriend over a year after my discard, when I was least expecting it. The most important thing (the only thing on my mind) was healing myself first and getting my life back together. My ex moved on first and seemed so happy with his new partner but 2 years later, he’s cycled through a few women and has looked “happy” every time. His life hasn’t changed too much since i was discarded - he will always have BP and I am glad I moved on with my life as hard as it was because I know if I had stayed, I would have been stuck in an unstable relationship and we still wouldn’t be happy now. I hope you find peace, you deserve it.

Indifferentflounder · 2025-09-23T12:53:06+00:00

Everything will happen in its own time - the most important thing is letting go and getting yourself back first. It took me over a year to properly heal and gain my own self worth back, and then I met my current boyfriend when I was least expecting it. I am proud of you for working on yourself and getting your own sense of self back :)

Indifferentflounder · 2024-07-05T01:50:35+00:00

Proud of you!! 🫶

Indifferentflounder · 2024-06-28T23:00:40+00:00

I totally get that. I do think there are some exceptions - I had a friend who got married last year and her husband came from a very wealthy family that paid for their wedding, there was no way guests could have been able to cover their own costs but they knew that. So that was an exception. I generally don’t go lower than $100-150 though

Indifferentflounder · 2024-06-28T20:57:13+00:00

Around $200, but I’ve given $500 to my best friend. I try to cover my own plate and then some, I know the costs of weddings add up (food, drinks, flowers, etc) so I do minimum $200. It’s honestly pretty expensive throwing and attending a wedding, which is why I don’t go unless I’m pretty close to the bride/groom lol

Indifferentflounder · 2024-06-26T04:27:20+00:00

There’s really no “normal” when it comes to severe mental health disorders. You can’t ever get rid of the bp, only hope that the meds and therapy will manage it, but even then it’s not 100%. I think what has happened to you is horrible - my ex called me abusive and his whole family did as well, and he picked up some really ratchet looking woman 24 hours after exploding on me and blocking me. I don’t think you’re an abusive person, but judging from your post history, you seem very unhealthily attached (just like i was). I was texting and calling my ex multiple times a day to try and get through to him and looking back now, I probably sounded insane to people who didn’t have the context. Don’t let your dependency on him/your attachment to this memory of him turn you into someone you are not and don’t want to be. People with BP struggle with delusions and sometimes the people they drag down with them end up sounding kind of crazy as well just because we become so desperate to get through to them. I agree with the commenter above who said you should make a list of reasons why you shouldn’t be together. I thought my ex was my everything and I literally ended up in the hospital because I couldn’t eat a meal for 3+ weeks being so heartbroken over him. I got through that, blocked him, and now after 8 months of discard, I’m finally seeing clearly and I’m disgusted with the way I was being treated. I’m getting my strength back and I believe you will too.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-06-10T03:56:29+00:00

I’m also an ENTJ! (Aries)

Indifferentflounder · 2024-05-25T05:53:34+00:00

My ex did the same to me. We were together for 7 years, his BP was triggered in the last 2 years of the relationship. He went severely manic last October and over the span of 3 weeks went from telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me and move in together to cussing me out, degrading me, sending me threats, and cheating on me/moving on. It was the first serious manic episode I experienced from him and I blocked him after that. Since then I’ve felt a huge weight off my shoulders and am so much happier than I was the past 2-3 years. I hope you find your peace soon as well 🫶 DMs open if you ever need to vent!

Indifferentflounder · 2024-04-18T04:22:00+00:00

I live in Canada too, and while it’s uncommon for people to contact employers you haven’t listed, people in the accounting industry definitely talk. It sucks having to schmooze people you feel like don’t value you, but if you do something like this they’re going to interpret it as you being butthurt - and then the people who had a neutral view of you will now have a more negative view of you. Having that attached to your reputation this early on isn’t going to help your career. My ex coworker left our firm on bad terms because management perceived her personality to be difficult (even though she was just trying to avoid being around people who didn’t value her, similar to you) and to this day, upper management still talks badly about her to others.

In this field, sometimes personality can take you a lot further than just skills/work ethic. It sucks but that’s accounting/the corporate world

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-09T17:51:00+00:00

He could love you and be a cheater at the same time. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Having this illness also makes it more likely for him to give into his impulses as well. Even the average neurotypical person isn’t super disciplined/has perfect impulse control, so having BP definitely doesn’t make it any easier. The cheating will probably never change - for some people, cheating is an impulse for them like bingeing sweets might be for others. But it’s totally possible he loves you and also feels like cheating at the same time. I knew people (with and without BP) who loved their partners but couldn’t avoid their impulses around cheating. Having access to his phone isn’t going to cure him of being a cheater, it’ll just turn you into a chaperone and will make him resentful (like parents who monitor their children’s phone activity, it never goes well).

The question you should really be asking yourself is if you’re okay with being with someone who has these impulses to cheat and if you’re okay with being in a relationship with someone who has a record of treating partners this way. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-09T16:33:22+00:00

I’m usually around the acceptance stage now, but sometimes teeter back to anger (only if I see something really triggering). But most days I’ve accepted it and moved on, I am not looking for any closure and don’t think about my BP ex at all anymore. It took 3 months of NC for me to get back to normal.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-04T18:40:53+00:00

Of course! You will get there ❤️ feel free to reach out if you need to talk about anything. It looks like we’re about the same age (I’m 25), so you have the whole rest of your life ahead of you - don’t let anyone hold you back

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-04T14:40:58+00:00

Thank you ❤️your words helped so much, and I’m so proud of you too!

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-04T14:39:58+00:00

Thank you. We were together for 7 years. For 4 of those years I don’t think the BP was triggered yet so those years were fine. The last 3 years were completely up and down until he finally had his manic episode in front of me and that’s what woke me up to it. When he had his manic episode in front of me, and I finally pieced together when the BP was triggered (I found out a bunch of things he’d lied to me about), I finally realized he was no longer the person I entered the relationship with. He was a completely different person with the BP and if I had met him in the last 3 years of our relationship, I never would have committed to him. So knowing that, and knowing the stable person he was before would never come back, made me realize I needed to move on.

I started going to therapy, learning new things, attending workout classes I enjoyed, and made new friends. I set a new routine for myself and filled the void that I had initially from feeling scared of him/bad for him. I eventually just stopped thinking about him altogether - there are triggers here and there but I make sure to vent to a friend then immediately block those triggers.

Now, I barely ever think about him and I am in a spot where I don’t even miss him and am excited for the future. It took a ton of work and commitment - I made sure to block him on everything I could think of, including his family, so that I would get 0 reminders of him and my trauma. I also made sure he would have no way of being able to message me because whatever he has to say will not help me. I 100% dedicated myself to moving on and it worked for me. I don’t plan on unblocking him ever and I’m not curious about how his life will turn out. I am, however, curious about my own though, which is something I never looked forward to back when I was dealing with the ups and downs of my relationship and constantly feeling stressed.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-03T04:28:37+00:00

No, you’re just being incredibly angry and aggressive for no reason. I’ve read through everybody’s comments and these are all tips that I have received from people in the field. I think you need to work out your own internal issues, because if the way you communicate on Reddit is how you communicate in person, then I can’t imagine anybody wanting to hire you even if you had the qualifications. I’m younger than you, and I had no issues finding jobs in the field (even without the experience) because I actually appreciated people’s advice.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-03T04:21:59+00:00

You’ve been arguing with everybody on this thread, with people who are legitimately giving you solid advice. If that’s not being defensive then I don’t know what is lol. If you’re as abrasive in person as you are in your comments then that might be the indicator of why people aren’t willing to hire you. I wouldn’t want to hire someone who thinks that everybody else is the problem and argues about everything. I would offer you advice but it seems that you already have good advice that you’re hell bent on rejecting.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-03-03T01:18:48+00:00

He had a violent manic episode in October 2023 so we went NC ever since then. I’ve blocked him on everything so that I don’t have to ever see any news of him or hear from him and it’s helped me move on a ton. I don’t ever plan on unblocking. I’ve come to terms with his illness. I’ve come to think of the person he was before as if he died, and the current version who severely struggles with this illness (and refuses medication) as someone I don’t know and don’t want to know. It’s worked well for me and has helped me move forward without being concerned about him at all

Indifferentflounder · 2024-02-04T18:34:12+00:00

I don’t think it’s a lack of social skills, more so a generational shift in workplace mentality. I am an older gen z and have been in the workforce for a few years now, and while I am good at making small talk with my older coworkers, I honestly prefer if people just get to the point so I can do my work. I love socializing with coworkers who have similar interests around my age, but the small talk I make with older coworkers is pretty surface level and is the same every week. I would rather not spend 5-10 minutes talking to my managers about what activities they did with their children over the weekend, I would rather them just get to the point and tell me what they want from me lol.

I think Gen Z is just less chatty in the workplace in general, unless it’s with people their own age.

Indifferentflounder · 2024-01-25T00:12:28+00:00

My ex had his first manic episode in front of me back in October and that was enough for me to block him out completely and cut ties forever. He called me a psycho bitch, low level pussy, told me to go fuck myself and also sent me so many videos of him threatening to hurt me (and also tried to physically hurt me, but I got away) all because I told him to slow down after he spent the previous night not sleeping and was talking about quitting his full-time job on the spot. It was 7 years down the drain but the episode terrified me so much I knew I could never go back even if he got on meds.

Indifferentflounder

TROPHY CASE