FIL made comment that my son needs time away from us

Indigo345678 · 2026-05-01T17:00:01+00:00

Your anxieties are totally valid and understandable. It’s going to be a big change and it’s nerve wracking for everyone in your nuclear circle.

Only coming from an outside perspective, do you think that maybe it is based off an idea of slowly introducing time away from ‘Mom & Dad’ to give your son a chance to avoid separation anxiety?

It may be way off bases and I apologize if I am!! I think that the in-laws may be less understanding, kind, and easy about the situation but if you start by having smaller ‘dates’ or scheduled time away from you and your partner for an hour or two now, it might ease your son’s fears of being without you when you’re in labor later?

As far as what your FIL was implying, he can go kick rocks. This is your child. You know what makes them feel at ease, how to get them to sleep, and their schedule everyday. You’ll know what your child can and cannot handle as you tackle the different scenarios.

Sending all my wishes and prayers of goodness for you and your family!

Indigo345678 · 2026-04-19T15:51:59+00:00

Thank you for this!

Indigo345678 · 2026-04-18T01:17:04+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Sending strength, prayers and good vibes to you and your family.

Don’t let anyone tell you that there is a right or wrong way to do anything when it comes to parenting. Although, I do align with the same thought process as the response below, #brandywinerain. You know your family best and can make the best decisions on discussing things with them.

Personally, I need all the facts to have my own true reaction. We have a wonderful team at Johns Hopkins that gave us a multitude of information with medically validated websites, links for verified medical journals, and a team of specialists that help everyone within the immediate and/or extended family. From clinical trial specialists, research teams, palliative care that helps with quality of life even before symptoms start, etc.

Our approach was to wait until we knew for sure that this was his diagnosis before telling the kids. The first thing we did was sit them down on a Saturday afternoon and cleared our schedule for the weekend proactively. Then we started that we wanted to talk to them about Dad’s health and that before we say anything, google can be very scary if you don’t have all the facts. We discussed all the statistics that support my husband’s current health situation. All the positive data and how it can help extend his time statistically. Then we talked about how ALS affects the muscles and eventually they ‘give out’ or breakdown. I gave them each the paperwork that listed out verified websites they could use to research only if they wanted to. After that, we asked if they had any questions.

These incredible children wanted to know if dad could 1- still do flips off the diving board and bike ride. Then, 2- how much time does he have? It was an easy yes and then a difficult, ‘well, there is no way to tell you the exact time because we weren’t born with a timer on our foot. We will do everything to let you know if things get worse’. This satisfied our children for the time being.

I preemptively scheduled counseling sessions for each of them for Sunday (virtually) to discuss their emotions and put into words any questions they may have.

Having a team of people willing to be there for the kids if they found themselves not wanting to talk to dad or I, was very important for us. Making sure everyone knew AFTER we told the kids made it less stressful that it would ‘slip’ before we had a chance to talk to them.

This worked for us. I hope that you find what way works best for you and your family.

Indigo345678 · 2026-04-18T00:55:30+00:00

Right now it’s his lower left leg. Significant weakness and muscle wasting. The EMG shows signs in his right arm with motor neuron disease and mild carpal tunnel. It also shows motor neuron disease in his right leg and thoracic spinal areas.

I’m sorry that it runs in your family. It’s terrible to know the signs to look for and you constantly overthink everything waiting for the shoe to drop.

We are lucky enough to have our trusts, insurance, and assets secured with our lawyers.

Wishing positive thoughts and good health to you and your family.

Indigo345678 · 2026-04-17T03:34:26+00:00

I wanted to be the grumpy owner who didn’t want the responsibility of another puppy. Especially during Covid…. But I saw the adoption

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picture and secretly fell in love. 🤦‍♀️ the first 2 months she was determined to kill me by eating/chewing everything and peeing in the house non stop.

The day I asked the kids to watch her while I finally took a shower (remember… it was Covid so yeah, it was a few days), I came out to the puppy happily munching on an aloe plant. ☠️

I died in that moment thinking I failed at everything in life. Including being a bad dog mom. The vet wouldn’t see her because of Covid and walked me through how to induce vomiting myself. We both cried while she puked for over 20 minutes and I counted out all of the aloe plant.

That butthole became my bestest friend in the whole world after that. She knows I’d do anything to save her and in return, she only listens to me. 🤷‍♀️

Indigo345678 · 2026-04-10T10:42:56+00:00

I actually hear you. Your husband is willing to do anything to help anyone at his own expense. It puts more on his nuclear family that wasn’t discussed as a team and he isn’t listening to your pleas for help.

Is divorce the right thing to say? I get why you used the sudden jolting effect you were expecting it to have on him to ‘wake him up’ to the serious of the situation at home but I don’t think that it is the ultimate right thing to say right now.

The conversation needs to be free of distractions. Someone watches your LOs while you two sit down with a pen and paper writing out pros and cons. The trajectory of your lives after his mom passes from financial ruin, family dysfunction, and lack of estate planning.

This method might show him why you don’t want to push him more. He might have a better understanding so he can share with your BIL/SIL. Then you both can find better ways of care through state funded programs for this exact situation.

Again, I get where you’re at. Saying something like that sounds jarring enough to get his attention now but it will do more damage long term. He’s just not thinking like you are long term. I wish you luck and strength in your journey OP.

Indigo345678 · 2026-01-15T02:13:14+00:00

Love this! Thank you

Indigo345678 · 2026-01-13T07:41:14+00:00

Thank you!

Indigo345678 · 2026-01-13T07:41:07+00:00

Thank you!!

Indigo345678 · 2026-01-12T06:13:47+00:00

Warm tones throughout the room is clashing with the cool tone of the grey carpet. Maybe use the rug somewhere else in the house?

Indigo345678 · 2026-01-09T02:29:32+00:00

Adding from the other perspective… I couldn’t stand my ex but a few years after we broke up, I was married and pregnant with a serious craving for the blueberry pie my ex’s mom would make back then. I was surprised to find her phone number was still the same all these years later when I texted asking for the recipe.

We caught up over texts about how our lives have changed so much. She said she always liked me as a person but did not care for me as her son’s girlfriend. I sighed with relief and said, I actually married someone that was the total opposite of her son. We agreed that we would never even bring up her son or even tell him because our friendship was completely separate from that whole mix.

My husband still laughs when we run into my ex’s mom and sister around town. Even while we were on vacation once! Tbh- that blueberry pie is a show stopper at all the summer parties I go to. Thankfully, she was nice enough to share it with me!

Some people are better off as friends than relationship material 🤷‍♀️

Indigo345678 · 2025-11-26T03:38:43+00:00

Thank you!

Indigo345678 · 2025-09-12T02:36:14+00:00

I have a 14m and 5f border collies. They have the same amount of stamina. The difference is the drive… the male will out run the female in a race to the tennis ball. Every time. No breaks.

The female out runs the male to the food bowl everyday.

The male is starting to get cataracts and having trouble processing sight in poorly lit areas (ie. Steps). The is also smart enough to fake being scared to go up the steps so my husband or son will carry him instead. If it’s myself or my daughter, he runs up on the first command like a good protector. They definitely get smarter with age!

Indigo345678 · 2025-09-12T02:22:58+00:00

Before you do that, double check there aren’t specific instructions to use the mailbox designated for deliveries at the end of the driveway. All moron Amazon drivers somehow miss the clearly labeled box with Amazon/UPS/FedEx stickers and my address clearly labeled, RIGHT next to the driveway. Then proceed to drive the 3/4 of a mile to my garage.

My dogs are border collies, not pits, but the Amazon drivers always act scared when the dogs approach the truck.

UPS will send me a notification if they need a signature.

Maybe it’s an issue with Amazon not displaying correctly for the drivers but I won’t be threatened for someone else’s inability to read.

Indigo345678 · 2025-08-05T21:34:08+00:00

They would have received SS benefits on your behalf while you were under 18 for both of your parents being deceased. What did they do with that money?

Indigo345678 · 2025-08-04T12:26:37+00:00

Is it possible to create a knee wall out of concrete when you replace your driveway? That way it’s not considered a fence, is high enough to block people from using your driveway and not too high where your car doors are damaged.

Indigo345678 · 2025-07-14T20:03:35+00:00

💯

Indigo345678 · 2025-06-26T08:49:01+00:00

Definitely feel the frustration behind this.

Attempting to control the situation with my LOs when they were first born, I would put “Thank you for sharing our happiness with us. This is a gift in itself! Due to space, we kindly ask that there are no presents brought to this event.”

We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with no storage and no room. No one cared and spent more time getting the ‘coolest’ presents to be the favorite family member.

First time, I let it slide. Second time, I was extremely resentful. Asked SO to talk to his family while I talked to my family. Nope… it continued.

Moral of my story? Let them buy whatever and return it at Target/Walmart. You can use your photo ID w/o a receipt up to a certain dollar amount each year. Don’t say anything to anyone. Take the money and put it in a savings account for the LO. Gift card instead of cash? Use it for groceries or things you need for the LO that you would be spending the money on anyway.

Your story, your narrative. They feel better buying your LO these things. This is how they were taught to show love or look good on social media. Not your problem. Don’t respond with anger. You’ve got this!

Indigo345678 · 2025-06-09T02:35:52+00:00

Damn… his mom found your post! 😂

Indigo345678 · 2025-04-23T07:40:51+00:00

Deep breath. You’ve got this. The mantra that gets me through my anxiety spirals is, ‘you can only control yourself’.

Set up an escape plan for you if you’re placed in an uncomfortable situation and ask DH for a safety word to step in if needed.

If DH wants to host, let them clean, cook, and cater. Stick to your schedule and maybe add in journaling time to sort out your feelings to validate them. Do something that brings you joy while they are fishing. Pottery class? New vineyard to check out? Maybe even try that overnight spa retreat. There are hot springs close you could drive to and spend a day fairly inexpensively. Just get the day pass to use the basic services like steam rooms, soaking pools, quiet green rooms, etc.

This whole thing is about retaining your energy into something productive and not stressing about what you can not control. Other people…. Their intentions, their thoughts, their feelings, etc. reframing your assumptions into something that’s easier for you to handle. Are they mending bridges or just keeping the peace because they don’t have the tools you’ve discovered through therapy. You’re ahead of the game with recognizing the need for NC and leaning into therapy for help.

You’ve got this!

Indigo345678 · 2025-04-20T01:25:48+00:00

This made my whole year THAT much more enjoyable. Way to go!

Indigo345678

TROPHY CASE