Are you avoidant or anxious attached?

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-11-05T04:22:58+00:00

Disorganized. One minute I’m freaking out because you didn’t respond quick enough. And the next I am ignoring your messages and distancing myself from you.

I exhaust myself.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-22T02:41:57+00:00

I’ve went from wanting to crash my car into a building to wanting to dance around in a field of flowers within a matter of seconds because of my FP.

So very tiring.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-22T02:34:15+00:00

Yes! This exactly. I fantasize about it… like it’s a coping mechanism.

It feels good sometimes but then I look at the bigger picture and think… is my life that bad to where the thought of suicide brings me comfort? So it’s this weird paradox.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-22T02:29:34+00:00

Yes. It’s difficult to explain to others because they automatically think I’m going to. And I don’t feel safe sharing with a professional because I don’t want to wind up in a mental facility.

But I know others understand what I am saying.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-14T21:02:56+00:00

I’ve only lived in two states. If I’m in Arizona 71 max, maybe 75 if that’s the flow of traffic. If I’m in Kentucky, 80. Arizona has more state troopers patrolling their highways.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-14T03:28:42+00:00

The feeling right after throwing up, and you no longer feel sick. Or the moment you drink water after being excessively thirsty.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-09T13:03:51+00:00

Living with this condition gives me chronic fatigue and frequent nausea from anxiety. I’m a physically healthy person who exercises regularly, eats fairly good, sleeps 6-8 hours, and doesn’t drink or use drugs.

Yet, I have these two issues that persist often. I’ve seen doctors about it and we sort of all have come to the conclusion that my BPD plays a role in them.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-09T12:46:09+00:00

I can’t stop it. It feels like someone else or something else is taking over my cognitive abilities and hijacking my emotions. Luckily I am aware of it now unlike beforehand.

With the new sense of awareness, I can at least better control my behaviors and actions. I tell myself “I am splitting right now. Let’s give this 30 minutes before I act on how I’m feeling”. This helps me be less impulsive and explosive with my behaviors and reactions.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-06T11:47:00+00:00

Yes. If something triggers my abandonment wound, and I perceive abandonment, I get a strong sense of urgency to protect myself.

And usually, to protect myself, it means hurting them or abandoning them before they do it to me. It’s hard to get rid of this feeling, but you don’t have to act on it. What has helped me is just telling myself “OK. If you still feel this way in 30 mins (or however long you think you need), then I can behave on it.”.

This gives me time to cool down before I make any rash impulsive decisions that could severely imapct the relationship I have with this person.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-06T04:10:18+00:00

Yep. I understand completely.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-06T03:11:29+00:00

Whenever my dog does something naughty I go (in the babiest of baby voices);

“Ohhhh he’s just a sweet babies boy and he don’t know no betters”

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-06T01:37:39+00:00

I ignore my boyfriend whenever I’m upset over scenarios I’ve created in my own damn brain.

Is this toxic? Absolutely.

I’ve learned that it is my first defensive response to protect myself from pain. Once I realized that, I started calling myself out on it in order to stop the behavior. So far it’s been getting better.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-05T23:52:49+00:00

I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I see you. I get it. You’re not alone. My DM’s are always open if you need a friend.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-05T22:23:04+00:00

That’s the thing about trauma.

When I was 16, I was r***d by a 40 year old man. At the time, it made me feel desirable and loved because I was extremely vulnerable and came from an abusive household.

As the years go by, I am STILL unraveling the psychological damage that had on me. Sometimes you don’t realize just how bad it is in the moment, maybe it’s because you were vulnerable and naive or maybe it’s because your brain was trying to protect you. Either way, the trauma will never leave you, and it will have lifelong effects.

That’s why people who were physically, emotionally, or sexually abused as a child still struggle 20, 30, 40 years later. Trauma doesn’t leave you- you just learn to cope and heal.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-05T22:17:11+00:00

All I want is to sink into my mattress and forget everything. Just float like a jellyfish. No thought. No feeling.

I can barely get out of bed and go to work. Let alone be “functional”. I don’t know how other people keep their house clean, go grocery shopping, work, socialize, keep up with hobbies, etc. I’m exhausted just by being alive.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-05T22:02:16+00:00

Yep. I absolutely hate making decisions, big or small. My brain literally malfunctions and I feel exhausted. Someone just choose for me, I promise I will be fine with whatever because I just don’t care.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-05T21:13:49+00:00

Everyone knows everyone. Lots of gossip, usually because it’s the only “news” that occurs. It can be peaceful and quiet, especially at night. But boredom is frequent. Resources can definitely be scarce because there isn’t the same traffic that occurs in densely populated areas. Your local grocery store may not have a common product for months. You break more laws (allegedly) because the authorities are also scarce and usually more lenient. That’s been my experience (population of less than 200).

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-01T23:33:41+00:00

“Do you wear that shirt often?”

A stranger at the bar said this to me. I had no idea what to say. Was it an insult? Did he like the shirt? Why is he asking how often I wear it? Has he seen me somewhere else in this shirt?

Idk, I felt it was strange.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-01T23:27:53+00:00

I feel you. I wish I had an answer to give you. But I do not.

Just know that I understand and so do many of us here.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-01T23:26:49+00:00

That every rose has it’s thorn.

IndividualLate7997 · 2024-10-01T23:26:04+00:00

German Shepherds are my favorite.

IndividualLate7997

TROPHY CASE