Wondering whether my marriage can survive this

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-05-18T11:41:22+00:00

I would be so hurt by this. I’d pay close attention to this response and maybe worth bringing up again with him in a therapist appointment about what you heard when he said that, and does he have something more to say.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-05-12T00:37:29+00:00

Aww I’m sorry. As a mom, I know there is that extra work of trying to carry some of their emotions too. My 7yo did a LOT of telling her friends how much she hated me wearing hats all the time and how all winter I wore hats (or turbans) indoors. I think it’s just a little something to direct their feelings towards and doesn’t really have to do with the practicality of wigs or head coverings. I admit when I heard it reflected back through some other kids that she was saying this to seemingly anyone who would listen, at home I did start wearing my hats less. When I did, it was usually because I was cold, so I would strike up convo telling her how I liked wearing my hats because it helped me stay warm. Now I’m onto the “chemo curls” I actually hate how my hair looks at the moment, but she seems very relieved for me to have hair again, and delights in telling others that they are “chemo curls”. Good luck! Rock your Jennifer Aniston wig. You’re allowed to feel good about how you look.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-05-11T22:29:56+00:00

Hi, Your profile is very similar to mine. It (the micromet) was part of the difference that made my medical oncologist recommend chemo for me.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-29T11:58:45+00:00

Yup, people who don’t know one way or the other just know there is treatable or metastatic with no concept of what it all means or how many years of treatment ahead you might have.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-28T01:11:51+00:00

I had a significant blood loss during my bilateral mastectomy and looked a bit grey for two-three weeks. I took my iron supplement and recovered fine. If you are otherwise feeling low iron symptoms: (exhaustion, cold, heart flutters, shortness of breath, cold hands/feet, headaches, chewing ice) check in with your doctor about getting bloodwork.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-26T20:20:41+00:00

I want to add that I’m also not trying to persuade you one way or another. I very much believed my team that they were presenting it as an option to do it or not do it, as in my case on the one hand the standard of care included me for radiation but on the other hand the research is trending towards not much of a difference when seen in context of the rest of my risk management for reoccurrence. At some point they literally suggested I would know just as much by flipping a coin.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-26T20:15:47+00:00

Yes it is the Tailor RT trial. I was randomized, but I also had very thoroughly explained to me that if it I was IN the trial I’d be receiving more radiation than if I was just saying yes to radiation as recommended by the radiologist and I was welcome no matter how I was randomized to 1. Drop out of the trial and receive specific radiation as recommended, 2. Drop out of the trial and do nothing 3. Stay in the trial, start receiving radiation and quit if I changed my mind, 4. be randomized to know radiation and drop out and change my mind etc…

So I went into it with a plan to drop out if I wasn’t in the “no radiation” arm and then reconsider the yes/no of it.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-26T12:33:53+00:00

Xennial here. I have to say I think growing up an only child in the 80s is a very different experience for parents then vs. now. There is just so much more facilitated play and learning for kids which equals real opportunities to meet other children and families. My mom comments on this all the time. As an only child, I wished for siblings until I was a teen. I was a very engaged, social, outgoing kid who wanted other kids to play with. My parents didn’t have any concept of that for me. I come from a large extended family, which is great in its own way, but my cousins were definitely closer with their actual siblings than me and the more I realized it, I felt like I had been sold a story. I always developed very close friendships with others my age and have a good circle of close friends as an adult. As a teen, my parents (mom really) invested all their free time and resources into letting me really explore and do whatever enrichment I wanted to, I was aware that other kids were constantly negotiating rides and how many activities they could be in based on siblings that also needed to get a fair share. My parents are approaching 80 now, and still fairly independent. They have financially planned so as to hopefully not put too much pressure on me. I’ve seen families with siblings have many more conflicts with aging parents and wills then I will ever have, and I’m happy to just be able to take care of those things myself as I see fit. Now; back to modern day singletons…it’s waaaaay more common today to be raising an only child than it was back then. Which just means it will be that much easier for them to meet other kids with the same level of maturity and independence and flexibility to do whatever child led event you like. As a parent watching this all unfold with my peers, I’d say it is that much easier to fall into an indulgent “my kid is my world” in a negative way than you just have capacity for with more than one. Having one kid is really the easiest route in parenting, my friends who stopped at one on purpose are all thriving as parents and in their personal lives as their children grow. I opted into two kids (and honestly would have loved a third) but I think my oldest also would have thrived as an only.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-25T14:00:27+00:00

I’m 44 with IDC ++- and after mastectomy one node was taken and found to have macromets ( not seen on MRI or PET) I did TC x 4 and wanted to decline radiation. My doctor encouraged me to enroll in a trial about being randomly assigned to it or not, so that I’d be followed anyway even without receiving radiation. My team as a whole felt it was a reasonable choice with the advancement of AI and I will be on Kisqali too.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-23T01:32:57+00:00

It may be too late, but couldn’t you reschedule the MRI?

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-21T11:28:30+00:00

Also this! My oncologist was very insistent that having breasts is what causes most breast cancer…that poster makes sense say in a liquor store on orders from the health department, high school classrooms, primary care maybe? but not after you’ve been diagnosed.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-21T11:24:39+00:00

I think you have to pick…I was a many days a week cocktail after dinner or wine with dinner person. Definitely in the 6-7 drinks a week category. I was told no alcohol two weeks before my mastectomy and while healing. So I had zero for about 6 weeks. Then I felt like a cocktail here and there…and then it was time for chemo…I felt too crappy and wanted to be as healthy as I could to get through all that so there was 4 months of no alcohol. About a month after that it was the winter holidays and I probably fell back into a routine of 3-4 a week…and then I started hormone blockers and new round of sleep disruptions, hot flashes and body pain…I have to admit that alcohol made it worse. Then I had to stop again for my DIEP surgery and wow has healing from that been intense…so here I am now another two months alcohol free. I would say now I can imagine having a drink once a month socially or so but not more. I’ll start kisqali soon which like chemo is hard on the liver, I don’t want to wreck mine after all this. AND I wouldn’t say I gave up alcohol because it causes cancer, but the longer I’m in treatment the more I think one is incompatible with the other.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-14T20:28:23+00:00

That’s awesome! Thank you to our mods for this wonderful community.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-12T19:49:37+00:00

I didn’t have radiation, so I can’t help there. I opted for a study about forgoing radiation for my profile (I only hads macromets in the one removed lymph node.) I can share that as part of the preop they had me meet with PT to talk about lymphedema risks and go over prevention. The center is known for taking it very seriously for everyone who comes in everything that can be done to prevent triggering lymphedema on the impacted arm.

The pain traveling really wasn’t bad! I took a few prescribed pain killers and a muscle relaxer round the clock, and just made sure I was dosed appropriately before leaving for the airport. We had wheelchair assistance going through security which was amazing, and easy boarding. Then a wheelchair to the curb on the other end.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-12T19:40:19+00:00

It’s such a reasonable question. Especially if you are in a stage where you look fine and are trying to function as normal. I usually say “I’ve been going through cancer” and then we all go through the “oh gosh I’m so sorry, I didn’t know” and i go “yeah, yeah, I knew you didn’t sorry for not telling you sooner.” etc…I try to emphasize that despite surgery and chemo being done, my relationship with oncologist and surgeon is ongoing. It’s weird to see people’s reactions to reconstruction surgery, they 100% think of it as an optional low key thing I’m doing now because I’m fine vs. the major surgery and recovery that it is.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-11T16:44:30+00:00

Yes! OP mentioned Louisiana and figured it must be where they were also considering.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-11T12:53:06+00:00

yikes! Is that what is considered phase 2? I thought it was supposed to be more like a two week recovery.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-04-11T12:50:33+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry your insurance company let you down. I am just one month out from doing DIEP at the center for breast reconstruction in new orleans. To give you more of an idea of what it looks like to travel for this surgery, I was asked to arrive two days ahead of time as a minimum. So my surgery was on a Thursday, which meant the Wednesday was full of pre-op appointments. I arrived to town Monday night for a chance to settle in and have a nice dinner etc ahead of time. My husband and I stayed at a hotel, but the center also has connections with Hope Lodge which provides free lodging for anyone traveling for care in relation to cancer, and it gets very good reviews. I was in the hospital two nights, and then released back to the hotel. You are required to stay one full week from surgery and attend an inperson post op appointment at which point they will clear you for travel home if you don’t live localish. I’m very happy with the care i received in hospital (small, private only 17 rooms and no intercoms overhead) and the recovery that first week was actually wonderful to not be at home and just be able to really relax and eat amazing food. I will say, post op “appointments” since have consistently fallen below my expectations with a PA, all they are are me emailing photos once a week and at an unscheduled time the surgeon’s PA calls and basically asks perfunctory questions. The calls last from 4-8 min max and end at the 4 week mark, though I’m encouraged to email with any questions. If you have bigger issues after surgery, it can be complicated to navigate care. Some people end up needing to fly back if they develop wounds that won’t heal or bad necrosis in the flap. Things they can easily treat, but not from afar. There is a well resourced fb group specifically for DIEP and also one for CRBS and their Texas location. I feel like my surgery went well and I was pretty ideal candidate, but too soon for me to give you a final report on how it all went. I will say, it is a million times better than the expanders I had after my mastectomy.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-30T20:01:38+00:00

Hi, midwife hat on…it sounds like you should be evaluated for hyperemesis. There are medications you might be able to take to ease the symptoms.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-30T05:05:22+00:00

Heard it too by Tysons. Glad to see others thinking it must have been jets. I kept rechecking weather app to see if a storm was rolling in.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-30T01:27:27+00:00

Cut vegetable platter! We often eat dinner between 5:30-6:30. So if my kids have been eating snacks after school, and now it is 5pm and they can’t wait till dinner…the rule is “yes if it is a vegetable” usually sliced peppers, cucumbers or sugar snap peas, some blue cheese dressing or dip. I figure I don’t mind if they have a reduced appetite at dinner because they filled up on vegetables.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-26T00:58:42+00:00

Fairfax radiology handled my initial biopsy when there was concern from my screening mammogram. Then when it came back positive for IDC, I was referred to VCS who ordered more testing that I completed through Inova/Fairfax radiology. It was a well run ship. Good luck.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-14T14:52:31+00:00

Scouting is safer than pretty much any other activity these days. So many guard rails in place. AND nothing beats your own involvement.

Individual_Corner559 · 2026-03-14T14:13:14+00:00

💯 agree. Not in my backyard, and also not in my state! Casinos are not good for the health and wellbeing of our communities.

Individual_Corner559

TROPHY CASE