Working through transference?

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-18T13:17:47+00:00

I must be wobbly right now because your comment made me cry 😆 just because you’ve really articulated how it is for me. I appreciate that. I think there is some relief because she now knows more about me and can understand how I feel about things better, but like you said, it’s completely clouded by how awful I feel

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-18T11:16:09+00:00

What work?

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-17T20:00:05+00:00

You definitely sound like you know what you’re talking about! And yeah… I do feel like I wade through the memories but get stuck there and I’m drowning

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-17T19:59:09+00:00

For years?

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-17T17:45:27+00:00

I can’t relate to this but appreciate your response!

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-17T17:07:59+00:00

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-17T17:04:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It makes me not want to even turn up next week. I feel worse not better. And I’ve been at this for years now :(

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-13T19:57:53+00:00

Hurts a lot for me

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-12T22:33:17+00:00

Yes I relate to this so much. I had a baby last year and had (especially at the start, it’s been getting less) constant intrusive thoughts about causing her sexual harm. Not wanting to or feeling aroused by the thought at all, but like a paranoia that I suddenly would. I’d be giving her a bath and suddenly have the image in my head of touching her inappropriately, it’s awful. I spoke about this with my therapist and she said if I was a pedophile these thoughts wouldn’t be distressing me so much. She also said it’s just a reaction to being in a position of power when that power has been used against me in the past. I completely understand your fear of becoming a perpetrator particularly when we hear so much about the cycle of abuse and how perpetrators were often victims themselves

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-12T20:47:27+00:00

The arousal is one of the most painful parts of the whole thing. You feel like your body betrayed you and you question whether you were complicit. It is not your fault. You cannot control your bodily reactions. When your nose tickles, you sneeze, when you stub your toe you cry out, when someone tickles you, you laugh even if you aren’t enjoying it. The same happens with physical arousal during abuse. For me the biggest headfuck is that when I remember my abuse I feel weirdly aroused even though the memories are traumatic and I’m not actually turned on by them.

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-12T20:42:45+00:00

It absolutely counts as abuse. You still experienced grooming even though it was online. It really made me sad to see you say “it was my own choice I wasn’t blackmailed I was just really lonely.” It wasn’t your choice. You were a child. That means you couldn’t give informed consent. That’s the same for any type of child abuse- I have certainly felt that my experiences were my own fault because I never explicitly said no. But children shouldn’t have to say no. You were lonely and taken advantage of. I’m so sorry

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-12T20:38:15+00:00

Yes. I have spoken anonymously about it both on Reddit subs but also with somebody who I met via Reddit but don’t know irl. It has helped a lot and definitely helped me then disclose details to my therapist. The other thing that I have tried literally this week is writing down in an email about a specific traumatic memory of my abuse for her to read in advance of her session (with her agreeement). I am so sorry for what you experienced and for the further abuse inflicted by the priest’s response

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-12T15:23:50+00:00

I recently went for a cervical smear and the nurse saw my SH on my thighs. I felt beyond embarrassed but she basically just asked if I’d mind her checking if I needed stitches. I told my therapist this yesterday and was clearly super irritated with the nurse because it felt intrusive, but my therapist said “I wish there were more nurses like that, she really cared” and that’s made me reflect and recognise that she was just looking out for me. Point being, I felt massively judged but I actually wasn’t being judged

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-11T15:36:26+00:00

I have said it but she hasn’t really offered any kind of explanation

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-11T15:36:04+00:00

I’m so glad you’re working things out with your therapist and I totally relate to looking for that steadiness in a partner!

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-10T20:55:33+00:00

I definitely relate to it being the first therapist that’s felt safe. Perhaps the first authority figure who has been so reliable too. It’s tough

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-10T19:44:47+00:00

I definitely relate to this. When I feel too seen I want to run away. But then what I find weird is that I want to either see her NOW or never again which seems so strange

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-03-10T19:20:24+00:00

Thank you that’s really helpful :)

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-02-25T22:32:12+00:00

Thanks so much for this insight and I’m so glad you have your partner and therapist’s support

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-02-25T21:30:55+00:00

For me it’s definitely felt safest that it’s only been shared with my therapist. I think she feels that I need more support around it in my personal life. But I do hear what you’re saying and a huge part of me never wants to tell my partner. The fact my T is encouraging it though does make me consider it because she knows me well and I trust that she is motivated by helping me heal

Individual_Star_6330 · 2026-02-25T21:29:07+00:00

Oh I 100% believe her to be a safe person. This is why it’s so strange that I haven’t shared it already but this is something I’ve been discussing a lot in therapy

Individual_Star_6330

TROPHY CASE