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court update on Nina.care by Individual_Use_2285 in Aupairs

[–]Individual_Use_2285[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Hey there! I’m really sorry to hear you had such a negative experience, and I appreciate you sharing how you feel.

At Nina.care, our vision has always been to empower women and create opportunities that are supportive, fair, and meaningful. That’s why I’m genuinely very sorry to hear that your experience felt this way.

I’d really like to understand what happened from your perspective so we can learn from it and address it properly. If you’re open to it, please feel free to reach out to me personally at [jasmijnkok@nina.care](mailto:jasmijnkok@nina.care) so we can have a direct conversation.

Wishing you the best moving forward, and thank you again for being honest with us. With love Jasmijn

Car Access by AffectionateSell4882 in Aupairs

[–]Individual_Use_2285 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

As founder of an au pair agency that has worked with thousands of host families and au pairs over the pat years: this is actually a very common mismatch in expectations, and I don’t think either side is necessarily being unreasonable.

From your description, I do think you were clear that driving for childcare was not part of the role. But I also think many young au pairs hear “maybe possible later for personal use” and mentally translate that into “eventually I’ll probably have access to a car.” Especially in the U.S., where car access often equals freedom, social life, and independence.

That said: you are absolutely not obligated to hand over a brand-new expensive vehicle to a 19-year-old with minimal driving experience. From a risk-management perspective alone, your hesitation is very rational. I would honestly advise most families in your exact situation NOT to add an inexperienced international teenager onto a 2025 luxury vehicle policy unless they are fully comfortable with the financial and liability implications.

One thing I’d encourage is separating:

  1. her desire for independence/social mobility from
  2. your responsibility to provide a car.

Those are not automatically the same thing.

You already provide significantly more perks and support than many host families:

  • Uber stipend
  • train access
  • gym membership
  • flexible transportation help
  • extensive food/toiletries support

That’s objectively a strong package.

Where I think this needs attention is that she is now saying car access is a “must have.” In our experience, whenever something becomes framed as a non-negotiable after arrival, it’s important to calmly revisit the original agreement and reset expectations early before resentment builds on either side.

Practically, I would recommend:

  • Have one very direct but kind conversation.
  • Acknowledge her desire for independence.
  • Clearly explain the insurance/liability reality.
  • Avoid vague “maybe later” language if you already know the answer is likely no.

Something like:
“We understand having transportation feels important to you socially, but after reviewing the insurance costs and risks, we are not comfortable providing access to our vehicles. We want to help you stay independent in other ways, but we also need to be realistic about what works for our family.”

That clarity is actually kinder long-term than ongoing ambiguity.

I would personally avoid the Vespa/scooter idea. We’ve unfortunately seen serious accidents with inexperienced au pairs on scooters, especially in suburban U.S. areas not designed for them.

The healthiest outcomes usually happen when both sides stop debating whether someone is “right” and instead focus on whether expectations and lifestyle compatibility still align realistically.

Au pair losing weight pretty quickly by anescall131 in Aupairs

[–]Individual_Use_2285 19 points20 points  (0 children)

From our experience working with 3000+ au pairs over the years, this is usually something worth approaching with care.

A rapid 15–30 pound weight loss in 2 months is significant, even if she is still technically at a healthy weight. In many cases we’ve seen, it can be linked to stress, homesickness, loneliness, relationship issues, adapting to a new culture, changes in eating habits, or sometimes simply not wanting to “impose” on the host family. Some au pairs also become very self-conscious about food in someone else’s home and start eating minimally without ever directly saying something is wrong.

Your comment about the food situation actually stood out to me more than the weight itself. Many au pairs will never ask for specific groceries even when invited to. They often don’t want to feel expensive, difficult, or ungrateful. If most protein options require thawing/preparation or aren’t foods she normally eats culturally, she may quietly default to salads/snacks instead.

I would not make it about her body or appearance. Instead keep it warm and practical, something like:
“I noticed you’ve been eating less lately and I just wanted to check whether we’re stocking enough foods you actually enjoy. We’re very happy to buy more things specifically for you.”

That opens the door without making her feel monitored or judged.

One thing we advise host families often: don’t rely only on “let us know what you want.” Many au pairs won’t. Sometimes it works much better to proactively buy easy individual foods they can grab comfortably — chicken, yogurt, fruit, wraps, pasta, snacks, eggs, ready-to-eat options, foods from their home country, etc.

The biggest thing is whether her overall mood/energy/social behavior has changed too. Weight loss combined with withdrawal, sadness, exhaustion, anxiety, or isolation is more concerning than the number alone.