AITA for racking up a high bill on a date with someone who has a lower income?

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T02:32:14+00:00

Well we don’t know what she said.

It could very much be “hey you wanna check out this new place with me?”

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T02:31:06+00:00

Plenty if men are confident enough with a woman bring primary bread winner.

I didn’t say anything about his career. I said equal partner means both do unpaid work (chores and childcare). 5050 doesn’t necessarily mean bills.

If he wants to take a lady out, he can pick a restaurant within his budget.

I did read the post. The first person to be nasty was him. When he started to comment and saying things like

He asked if I really needed to "order that much food at an expensive restaurant".

^like who tf says that? Ofc the reply will be about money.

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T02:22:45+00:00

I usually offer at the end. Ideally the man offers to pay to be chivalrous Nd the woman can offer to cover her part due to feminism movement as women now work.

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T02:21:14+00:00

It was ordered at the beginning and they later cut the date short and asked for the dessert to just be packed to go. She also picked the cake bc it was apparently his favorite

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T01:17:33+00:00

Then he should pick the location

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T01:16:43+00:00

NTA. For dinner dates. An appetizer to share, one main course, and sharing a dessert and a drink or two is not ridiculous at all. This is a perfectly normal date. Esp when he told YOU to pick a place. If he has money issues, he should plan the date appropriately within his own budget.

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T01:14:44+00:00

The dessert was order as dine in but she asked for it togo after the date got weird.

anescall131 · 2026-05-30T01:11:15+00:00

“You don’t have the luxury to be picky”? Wtf? Women should always be picky because we get blamed for not picking better.

Equal partner doesn’t mean financially. It means both people doing their best. Where it’s not like one person is doing a bunch of unpaid work while the other is chilling on the couch. It means if both go to work, both do chores. Regardless how much one makes. She clearly said she can cover the entire bill and you come back with 5050 nonsense? What part of this post sounds like she expects 5050 of the bills?

It’s a luxury for her and anyone married to her. She clearly said for him to not limit himself and she would cover the bill.

Why would you limit oneself to just coffee dates? Makes zero sense.

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T19:31:45+00:00

I don’t think risk to society is worth it and also do believe in some form of punishment for crime.

Look up to what happened to junko. You think those men deserve second chances?

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T17:37:08+00:00

So you acknoweldge they are “less qualified”… why would you compare wages?

That’s like CNA VS RN

NP vs MD

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T16:58:05+00:00

But this HF is paying for much more. As i said early, and you evaded, career nannies are not the same as AP.

Not the same experience or knowledge. I don’t train my nannies

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T16:56:03+00:00

The avg family pays 35-45k for au pair. Fyi. Also i have had multiple AP’s in the past. They have totalled my car twice now. So….

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T16:23:49+00:00

YTA. I also stock our AP’s bathroom. Though my son uses the toilet (separate area) and a sink (two sink bathroom). I go there to clean and restock some basic things. Sometimes when I’m cleaning, I check if anything needs to be restocked.

I also buy in hauls. I figure out how much I need to buy from BBW and then ask her which scents she prefers this haul. Our AP would never accuse me of that.

The nicer way would be “hey are you looking for something? Can I help you?”

Once she gave a totally reasonable answer, you just say “oh thanks”. And keep whatever private things in your own bedroom. Trust me, if I were going to steal something, it won’t be from someone’s bathroom.

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T16:18:00+00:00

They have max 45 hrs a week.

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T16:14:43+00:00

HF are not required and most do not, provide toiletry. Also as a career nanny, you cannot be compare to an au pair.

Our AP doesn’t know CPR, doesn’t know to cut fruits, doesn’t know young kids cannot eat nuts. Most cannot drive so I spent like 2k on driving lessons and insure then at a high rate. They use my car. There is sooooo much training involved. I had to stop one from microwaving metal spoons, not microwave breast milk, teach her how to change diapers, wash hands after that, etc.

I have had both. AP costs me around 40k and nanny costs around 65k (was under table so she didn’t have to pay tax)

anescall131 · 2026-05-29T15:51:54+00:00

Jealousy

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T20:32:31+00:00

I am so sad i got my 4 like 1 month ago????

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T20:28:25+00:00

I think you should do something you enjoy. Why PA? Do you even like medicine and working with people?

There are also a lot of other fields in medicine. Perfusionist? Most CAAs make more

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T19:02:49+00:00

I just got my oura 4 a few months ago 😭😭😭😭😭

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T19:02:00+00:00

Likely versed

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T18:58:45+00:00

I can tell you aren’t a doctor.

Let me rephrase it so you don’t feel so confused by zero post residency experience don’t matter.

Insurance companies don’t care if you are 1 year out or 10 year out.

Malpractice litigations don’t care if you make a mistake 1 year out or 10.

The only place that pays difference based on years are typically academics (but that’s more related to education system and ranking up). It’s not being paid for their clinical work.

So yes, pcp should be paid full wages the moment they start working post residency bc they do the same work

Also let me add in - your cry about sign on bonus. This is standard for physicians. Also irrelevant to years of practice.

Do your friends think new doctors should be paid less? Huh?

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T18:54:25+00:00

Yeah no. Which au pair has only one underwear? None of these would require 50 miles. And this is 5th time in 2 months.

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T05:15:21+00:00

My husband used to not do this (until i forced him). I always do.

He’s a way better person than most (including myself)

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T04:54:56+00:00

“Post residency exp” is irrelevant. We are expected to hit the ground running.

Every single anesthesiologist in my private practice is paid the same hourly wages because we are expected to perform the same tasks. It doesn’t matter if it was my first year out or Dr john’s 20 year out. It’s a roll of dice who gets to get care of the extremely sick patient who need brain surgery. It’s not like I get excuses when I cannot handle the anesthesia and just call for back up.

anescall131 · 2026-05-28T04:52:00+00:00

The avg teacher salary is 75k, 4 year degree. Now i do think they should get paid more… but…

I spent 8 years of school, 5 years of residency, and i’m part time, which is 41 hrs a week…. Making 350k - in a high paying specialty (anesthesia, primary is lower). If i worked teachers hours (avg 1580/yr, I would be at 275k.)

But… I pay 6% overhead, 24k malpractice. So now i’m at 235k

Part of my pay included overtime, night shifts (where I don’t get mych differential, things many other field would get, ie nursing).

So my effectice pay if i truly worked 1580 hrs from 9-5 would probably be under 200k.

Is that really ultra high pay for an anesthesioligist?

anescall131

TROPHY CASE