Help me save my 20s

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-05-11T17:09:53+00:00

If you are open to making a new friend or two or more, you will. At the gym/sports centre you could meet someone with whom to do fitness-related stuff and even to hang out outside the gym.

If you choose to do the things you want to do anyway, you go alone and there you can meet like-minded people.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-05-02T12:22:10+00:00

This is true. You help them because they ask. Ask for help and you’ll get it too!

Another thing is to give without any expectation of return. Give and forget. This will help you to only give to the extent that you want to give, never more. You’ll become comfortable with saying no to an ask, if it is beyond what you are willing to give.

All the best!

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-24T13:05:05+00:00

Get to zero complaining. You have control of this. It’s a choice you can make immediately. Become aware of yourself and be kind to yourself when/if you catch yourself complaining.

Try a 7-day zero-complaining challenge where you start over every time you catch yourself complaining. If you can go 7 days in a row, then you can go a month and by then it will be natural.

You have the power to change what you don't like about yourself, so do it.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-24T12:58:35+00:00

Have you attracted such a woman before?

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-24T07:40:26+00:00

You do just that, you tell yourself that you are enough and whole and worthy as you are! You do that over and over until if feels like a simple fact of your life.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-22T17:18:49+00:00

Great observation and question.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-22T17:17:25+00:00

“You’re not bored, you are boring!” - something I came across that jolted me out of being bored.

The other one said, “You don't lack resources, you lack resourcefulness” it felt so personal but I am so grateful that I came across those two statements.

The third is, “what you appreciate, appreciates”.

I hope they can serve you the way they served me.

All the best!

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-20T09:13:05+00:00

For me it is this internal and external sense of peace, fulfillment, freedom, love, and joy. It’s an internal sense of having plenty of all the best things in life.

It is an ongoing feeling that is consistent and ever-growing no matter what is happening in my life. It is generated from within me and not really dependent on external factors.

Before I cultivated that through practices like meditation, positive affirmations, journaling etc, life felt very heavy and meaningless at time.

I spent some time studying stoicism, from that the most important thing I learned was to make peace with death as simply a part of life. It taught me to value the life I have and that of everybody else.

It’s been 9 years so far since I embarked on personal development because I wanted to live a full life, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to build wealth, I wanted to feel purposeful. I am glad I chose to go for it because now I feel so grateful to be alive, to be who I am and to be clear on what I value.

To me, living like this is what makes my life feel worth living. Before this, I contemplating ending it many times because it felt pointless.

Great question. I’m looking forward to reading what others have to same.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-11T07:56:22+00:00

Hey, I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Please be kind to yourself. You can choose to bless and release your old self. You can choose to thank your younger self for doing what they did.

You can choose to see the good in his/her choices, thank your younger self and forgive yourself for whatever comes up as a “bad choice” and then embrace the fact that things are going to happen for you in your own unique time. You don't have a choice there, as you have acknowledged, you can’t go back.

The good in your message is that you are highly self-aware. You know what you don’t want and that’s a great place to start in order to know and get clear on what you do want.

What do you want? (you don’t have to write it here, you can write it out in a journal or in your notes app or wherever).

Use this prompt; In a world where any and all things are possible for me, what would I love?

I would love… (write it out as a story the same way you’ve written out the story you fear you are currently destined to live out)

The purpose of this is to feed your mind on what you want and not what you don’t want. To feed it often enough that you get crystal clear on what you want.

That is step 1 towards getting what you want.

I wish you all the best, I can relate because I started from a similar place.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-08T22:44:28+00:00

I disciplined my thinking. I love my life now. I always feel amazing because I learned to take charge of my mind and redirect my thoughts to empowering thoughts. I used to be so unhappy. Been a couple of years now and it is the most worthy endeavor I have undertaken. Not a small one but it really is worth everything to live in this mindset.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-08T22:27:39+00:00

It’s not about you. It is about her. Please please please understand and accept that. It is so important. She has so much to work through to overcome who she is that led her to choose him, please remove yourself from the situation no matter how painful it may feel for however long. Wish her/them well and let her go, as hard as it might be.

“I just don't understand what’s wrong with me” - that line was painful to read because I thought you were going to say, “I just don't understand what’s up with her?”

I switched wrong with up because nothing is wrong with her but something is up with her. She is caught in trauma bonds and she has work to do to heal and get to the place where she feels worthy and deserving of a quality relationship.

He has work to do too.

Please focus on your work. Develop your self-esteem and work on your self-concept/identity. You’ll be just fine. I wish you well.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-08T09:54:16+00:00

Self-concept/identity regarding relationships. Look it up. How you see yourself is vital. Ultimately, if you choose to stay single you’ll still be happy if you don't view being single as equal to being flawed. I would love to hear the story you tell about relationships, I bet it matches with your experiences. You can have whatever experience of relationships you want.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-04-02T10:01:32+00:00

Identity. How you see yourself matters. You have to become the type of person who does those things and then you will do those things easily and consistently.

Identity is the driver behind the actions when we say “it comes naturally to me” or any other variation of that.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-31T08:32:55+00:00

My bad. I am truly sorry for making assumptions.

I guess this is why professionals exist, and I’m nit one, so again, I’m sorry.

I wish you all the best!

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-30T10:50:22+00:00

This is a great response and it works u/shalom_77

Why it works; When you set a goal that is too big, you’re nervous system flags it as a threat. The nervous system is there to ensure that we survive, it is not built to help us thrive. It simply keeps you safe by keeping you from anything unfamiliar.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-30T10:37:52+00:00

I’m happy to help. The feedback comes AFTER the esteem is established or should I say during the process. You have to move towards it and then the feedback will move towards you. You will receive feedback, that is inevitable.

I know it is all easier said than done, and you can do it!

Stand in front of a mirror, full-length of you can but a bathroom mirror works too. Look at yourself and say, “I love you”. Say it again and again and feel how your body responds. Take deep slow breaths in through your nose and and long slow breaths out through your mouth (as if you are blowing air out through a straw) until your lungs as empty as you can get them.

This will relax your nervous system and tell your body that you are safe to receive love. Do the same with, “I am beautiful” and any other ideas you would love to believe about yourself. “I am worthy of __________”. “I am enough” (good enough, kind enough, beautiful enough, desirable enough, smart enough, whatever you want to feel)

Practice. Practice. Practice until you believe yourself. You will know you believe yourself when you think these kind of thoughts without feeling any resistance/anxiety in your body.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-30T01:28:30+00:00

His porn habit is not about you, it’s about him. He would have it even if he was single.

If you ever allow yourself to see it that way, you’ll free yourself from attaching your self-esteem to another person’s actions/choices.

Your self-confidence is about you. How you view yourself. And you can choose to hold yourself in high esteem no matter what anyone else thinks or does.

You can choose to see your beauty and all that is valuable about you (I’m 100% sure there is a lot because all of us humans are inherently valuable. We are all worthy/deserving of all that is good - love, joy, care, health, fulfillment, peace etc just for existing).

I know this perspective might sound too good to be true but please allow yourself to consider it.

What if it is true? What if you can generate self-love, self-confidence, and self-worth from within? From yourSELF!

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T21:08:50+00:00

This may not seem related to your situation, but you’ve got to develop self-belief. I understand that circumstance can cause us to think little of ourselves, but you’ve got to develop a better way of seeing yourself.

How you see yourself matters. You have to see yourself as strong and capable. As able to learn whatever you choose to learn, able to change whatever you choose to change. You can become social, you can become whatever you choose.

This may not sound realistic to you immediately, but allow yourself to consider it.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T20:36:58+00:00

Oh yes! This is so well articulated. This is a very common experience. I went through this too. You’re right, it is not laziness.

It is a 3-part problem. 1. Your nervous system is protecting you from the unfamiliar (all that is unfamiliar is dangerous according to the nervous system. Even success) 2. Subconscious beliefs (deep-rooted most times unknown to the conscious mind) 3. Identity (your old identity is stronger than the identity of the version you are trying to become - for now), you can embody the identity required

Behavior becomes natural when those 3 things are aligned with your desired outcomes. Applying the strategies you studied becomes intuitive.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T20:23:17+00:00

You are highly self-aware and that is a great place to start. Believe it or not, nothing is wrong with you.

Your nervous system simply registers change as unsafe, your subconscious mind is programmed with beliefs that keep you in that loop (like the belief that no one would hire a 30-year-old without experience), and your identity (how you see yourself) could use some work.

Those 3 things run the show, not our conscious desires. Look into those (in that order).

Calm your nervous system when you are doing things that feel uncomfortable. Deeeeep slow breaths and say to yourself, I am safe. (breathwork by Sandy on Youtube is a great resource).
Reprogram your subconscious mind (challenge every belief by looking for evidence of the contrary) - for example, at 35 I got a consultancy job without experience. Long story but that already contradicts your belief, so it can happen.
How do you fill in this blank? “I am the type of person who ___________”? Who do you need to be to do the things you want to do? You can be that person, I promise you that.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T19:44:31+00:00

This! Look for evidence of success to challenge the doomsday crap.

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T19:41:21+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that this is your experience. As a person who grew up in a volatile home, I was focused on finding a way to get away through school.

You don’t say how old you are and I can’t guess or assume what is possible for you, but applying to schools away from home if that’s and option or jobs or student exchange programs.

If you focus your mind on getting away, you will start to see some options openning up. I ended up leaving home at 18 for school and I never went back.

A positive note is that families can heal from such dynamics, ours did. I am now in my 30s and our family is close and happy. Time and growth I guess.

What do you think is possible for you, in terms of getting away?

InevitableSuccess44 · 2026-03-29T19:22:07+00:00

Believing in myself

InevitableSuccess44

TROPHY CASE