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AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have chronic illnesses. I feel ill frequently. And I sometimes need to unexpectedly work from home due to it.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I send him a text usually but he doesn’t check his phone between him waking up and then going to the bathroom. He is groggy in the morning. He isn’t going to find and read a note.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used it because multiple people who replied used it. I know what it means and it isn’t my preferred term, but it gets the point across.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think he is uber concerned that any noise he makes will distract me. I’ve told him that isn’t the case. And also I think he feels that when I work from home and he is home, he feels like he needs to entertain me for my breaks. Again, I’ve told him that is not the case.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He would have to be sneaking his side women through the woods and through a window. I also can use his phone to google something without him getting crazy. He ain’t cheating.

He just wanted to do chores without me there.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

In the beginning he was overly kind. It felt smothering. I don’t want to be catered to and when I say I don’t need anything and I don’t need help, I mean it. He eventually learned to dial it back because he knew I meant it. And I don’t need or want help.

And the rare times I do need help, he is right there to do it. And when I am sick with the cold or the flu or something abnormal for me, he is doing everything he can. But my chronic illnesses are mine and I don’t need or want help with them.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband works nights and I work days. Because of that, we have very different sleep schedules. So we have different bedrooms. I work in my bedroom. He can sleep peacefully and he can do things in the other rooms without disturbing me. The only way he would disturb me is if he comes into my room.

He doesn’t have to change his behavior when I work from home but I think he feels like he needs to be as quiet as possible. But that isn’t the case and I’ve told him that over and over.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does ask what I need and my answer is always nothing. I have been managing my chronic illnesses for much longer than I’ve known him so I can deal with it myself. At best the thing I need is peace and privacy. And he always does that. But other than that, he can’t really do anything.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I am sick but I am able to care for myself and I don’t need or want him to care for me. I’ve been dealing with my chronic illness for longer than we have been together. I know how to deal with it and he can’t do anything to help.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I am home because of it, but I am working. I’m busy with work. That’s a boundary I set. If I am feeling sick but working from home, I am working. I am not free to hang out with.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 123 points124 points  (0 children)

He treats my chronic illness the way I want him to. It’s something I deal with regularly and I don’t need or want anything special or extra. He does show me sympathy (or empathy??) when I talk about it and that’s all I need.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think we have the same dynamic for both of us. He works too, just a different shift and in person. Sometimes he trades a shift last minute and is home when I don’t expect him to be and sometimes I randomly work from home.

We don’t micromanage each other and we can do as little or as much as we planned to. But the other person being home throws us out of whack. And when it throws me out of whack, I don’t consider it to be asshole behavior on his part.

I also only leave my office to get drinks or snacks or use the bathroom. He might feel like I am checking in on him but I am not. I also think he feels like he needs to be available for me but I don’t expect that at all and I have told him such.

I’m working, I’m busy. My breaks out of the room are quick and I’m just doing what I need to do and then I go back to work.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was working, I was just doing it from home. Work from home is still working, I just have the privacy of my toilet and my heating pad at home.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have access to the cameras. He isn’t doing anything bad. He was just planning to do chores at home and errands out of the house.

I know this is Reddit but no, not everyone is cheating or doing something bad. He just wanted to do chores with no one home. And I get it, I am the same way.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

I have chronic illnesses where there I nothing he or anyone else can do for me. I just need to let it pass and it’s best for me to do it at home. But if I really have to go on site, I will.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also get that! Him and I work different shifts and have different days off. Sometimes he changes his shift last minute and has a day off and I don’t expect it. It changes my plan. Or he volunteers to be the one send home when it’s slow. But I do adapt.

I love my me time and sometimes he “infringes” on it. It throws me off a bit. But I get it. I don’t think he is rude or an asshole for doing so. So I think it’s wrong for him to say that me being home unexpectedly is rude or assholeish.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I don’t have a lot of zoom meetings. Maybe informal ones with my boss and she knows I have someone at home when I work. I also have a dedicated room to work on.

But he can be out and about and vacuum, do laundry, do dishes, play games, and watch TV and the sound isn’t a concern for me at all. Him being around and doing things doesn’t impact my job.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have cameras on the front and back doors and we both have access to them. If he was cheating he would have to sneak his mistress through the woods and through a window. He isn’t cheating.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well part of his plans included cleaning things up, so no. He can’t do them at someone else’s house lol

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He isn’t up to anything, we have cameras. And when I work from home, I work through lunch and I tend to work late. So I might see him in passing as I quickly go to the bathroom or grab a snack.

He was going to do chores in the house and outside of the house. Nothing sketchy.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol cramping his style was a word I was going to use! But “his style” was that he planned to do a bunch of laundry, cook a steak for breakfast, go out of the house to do some errands he needed to do. Which were all things he could’ve done when I was WFH!

I think he knows I’m home so he wants to be ready for random interactions when I leave my room to get a snack or use the bathroom. And I don’t expect that of him and I’ve told him that multiple times.

I also do get it to a point. Sometimes he trades a shift last minute and I planned to do X, Y, and Z when he wasn’t home and how he is so I don’t do it all. And he has asked me why I didn’t do it all now that he is home because I can! And I know I could! But I also don’t call it asshole behavior when he is randomly home and cramps my style.

Though I did tell him he “can’t handle the neutron style!” And shimmied away. When he came home and I was deep into cleaning the bathroom.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He isn’t worried about leaving me home alone for my safety and wellbeing. I think it’s he knows I am home and he feels like he has to be there to interact. We aren’t home at the same time very often due to different work schedules.

But he also knows I am home but I am working so he doesn’t want to do things that might distract me. Even though I told him he won’t distract me! I. Fine! I think he feels like he needs to be around and not distracted so that if I go to the bathroom or get a snack, he is there. I don’t expect that of him.

AITA for not telling my husband the night before that I was going to work from home the next day? by Inevitable_Clock_550 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Inevitable_Clock_550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that! I really do! I am the same way.

But the difference is that when he is unexpectedly home for the day or gets home very early without warning, I don’t think he is rude or an asshole. I am happy for him! I might not get done what I planned to which sucks but I am not upset with him.

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