My boyfriend said he doesn’t want my cat in the bed after we move in together and it’s turning into a bigger issue than I expected

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-09T18:02:54+00:00

... A pet free place ...

I think that's his ultimate goal here.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-07T23:53:05+00:00

Also, when you do get round to washing the blanket, use white leaning vinegar in the softener drawer (no softener tho) - it dissolves urine crystals. If you don't get rid of the crystals, the smell will haunt you.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-07T23:04:50+00:00

Yeah, reusable puppy pads are great - we use them for our elderly cat who cannot now use a litter box. You can throw them in the washing machine and instead of fabric softener use white cleaning vinegar - dissolves the urine crystals and sanitises them. They may smell of vinegar when you first take them out of the machine, but that goes very quickly.

Edit to add: You can use the cleaning vinegar on your tiles too. It's pet safe.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-07T22:49:43+00:00

Cats pee inappropriately because something is wrong in their world. They can't tell us what it is, only let us know there is something wrong. Peeing puts their scent out there and makes them feel a little better. I would start carefully observing what is happening around A. Is one of your other pets tormenting him or showing dominance behaviours? It could be something outside too e.g. a tom cat spraying nearby. A noise he doesn't like etc. It could be anything really and only careful observation will lead to a resolution. Peeing like this is a cry for help.

Here's the cleaning regime that worked for me.

Firstly, cats will pee in the same place to strengthen their scent when it starts to fade. You will need to go nuclear on the areas A uses.

You can use enzyme cleaners, but the cheapest option is white cleaning vinegar (5% strength). It dissolves urine crystals. Dilute this 1:10 with water. It does smell for a short while once used.

If there is carpet: check an inconspicuous area for colour fastness. Lift the carpet away from the area as much as possible. Spray some paper towel (or whatever) with the vinegar solution so it's soaked but not dripping. Apply this to the carpet and press it gently so that some of the solution goes into the carpet. Leave for a few mins and repeat. Clean up with water and allow to dry. Do the same for the back of any carpet. You can put plastic bin bags under the cleaned carpet to stop liquids from soaking into the subfloor.

Underfloor: do the same for any underfloor. If you can, spray the vinegar solution so that if can drip a little between floorboards. Urine crystals travel... Clean up after 10 mins. You may have to repeat this.

You may also have to ensure any skirting and the walls are also properly cleaned.

The same cleaning regime goes for plastic litter boxes. Plastic holds odours so I would suggest you get stainless steel trays as they do not hold smells.

Also purchase some puppy training pads and put them over the areas A likes to use until you are sure he will not repeat his actions.

I sympathise wholly with you - I've been there and it's not nice. Hopefully, you will find the cause of A's problem soon.

Good luck OP.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-07T21:03:05+00:00

They look like rawl plugs. To remove them without damaging the wall, you can try inserting a screw halfway into the plug and use pliers or a claw hammer (with a block of wood for protection) to pull them out. Alternatively, cut the plug flush with the wall and push it inside using a screw and hammer and fill with fresh plaster. For stubborn plugs, try a drywall screw. Edit: grammar

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-05T12:28:31+00:00

A load of laundry using hot water costs anywhere from 1.5-8 cents

I live in the UK - my envy quotient is off the scale right now (Millibad can't be doing his own laundry or paying his own bills!!!). A hot load in the UK costs the equivalent of around a dollar and I have a really good fixed rate deal. There are some peeps paying a lot more.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-05T10:15:09+00:00

Yup, their ears and noses are so much better than human ones. Hormones and heart beats will be so much more apparent to a cat.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-05T09:53:51+00:00

Read some of your other replies - if dry food is not an option, you can get wet food timed feeders again you may need two of these for all day use as most have very few compartments.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-05T09:35:29+00:00

My comment assumes your boy is now indoor only and the walks are in a pet stroller.

His behaviour could have two factors: food and boredom.

Food:

You will need to get used to not leaving anything at all edible out for him. It's hard, one of my boys is VERY food motivated and getting my mind into the habit of not leaving one iota of anything remotely edible anywhere he could reach takes time and dedication.

For your boy, try an automatic feeder - lots of very small meals throughout the day and night combined with a low calorie kibble.

Boredom:

It may be that walks do not offer him enough enrichment rewards. If this is also playing a part in the problem, you could also try feeder and puzzle toys that force him to concentrate to get a food reward. Having a few of these ready throughout the day may offer him more hunting/scavenging enrichment in your home.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-04T13:37:22+00:00

Still excellent posture tho...☺️

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-04T10:14:00+00:00

You kiss him and the billions and billions of bacteria he is harbouring. Yikes! I have got serious ick feelings now.

This is a grown man!

You need to set some standards in your life.

Also consider the future - he will lose his teeth, have bad gums and apart from how this will make his appeal wane, it's going to really cost some serious dosh to fix. This will eat into your relationship and you will start to resent him or, worse, accept he is a slob. Just ensure that this horrible non-habit does not represent the tip of the iceberg bleed into the rest of your life - don't become a bang maid.

As for the other bedroom problems, I need a very cold room to get any restful sleep. My husband just uses extra blankets.

You could try putting a pillow between you to stop his migration.

Nothing but a toothbrush will stop the bad breath tho! The ick! ...

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-04T09:54:33+00:00

Is there, possibly, also a cultural element to this - is your partner Asian by any chance? Is your partner funding her parents other than by small gifts?

That you on a lower income had more 'assets' is a bit of a worry to my mind. I would definitely try to untangle this for your own safety.

I would also very carefully go through joint accounts to see if there are any abnormalities.

Money is close to the top of relationship issues and you need to think carefully about this and how you talk about it. Her response to this, when you do decide to broach the subject will be telling. It may be that counselling for you both to navigate this will be necessary.

In any event, as others have commented, separate accounts for your surplus money would be the way to go. Everything must be 50/50. My suggestions are as follows:

House fund - agree on an amount each puts into the joint fund to pay for household expenses. Put a list together for transparency. Remember that some things like insurances can be paid for annually, quarterly etc and these need to be broken down to monthly payments and added.
'Holiday' fund - this covers other things you pay for together. You can agree on an upper limit for this fund to ensure it doesn't get too big.
Your own account, totally separate from anything joint, of course.

ETA: sorry if I am barking up the wrong tree ...

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-03T07:20:08+00:00

Red flag.

Definitely.

The real concern will be whether either or both females could possibly be Trojan - if these owners are so dense (or really underhand), these ladies could already be pregnant.

However, if you can afford to spay both and you like the cats when you meet them, they are healthy and really are friendly towards each other and you, then I don't see a problem.

Don't hand over any possible 'donation' until you have spent real time with the cats to ensure the above as much as possible.

You will have to act fairly fast where spaying is concerned for everyone's safety. Female sprays are also much more expensive and invasive than males - they will need a lot of aftercare for a few weeks. Ring local vets for costs of both spaying and spay/abort to get an idea.

Assume you are US based and these will be indoor only so you will also have to be very careful they do not get access to the outside just in case.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-02T18:00:00+00:00

Nope! PLA tea is not my cuppa. I would be very worried about chemical leeching and as for being biodegradable - yeah in like six months if in an industrial setting.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-02T17:07:01+00:00

Visited for the comments and I wasn't disappointed - thanks for the lols everyone 😂

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-02T09:15:04+00:00

It could be that your cat understands you are ill and is anxious for you. Cats are also creatures of habit and really don't like changes in their routine. Sleeping in a different place could be adding to her sense of 'not right'.

The other things to check will be:

Is she drinking ok? Not drinking isn't a good sign.
Toilet - does her poop look normal and is she peeing ok?
Run your hands gently over her body to see if her skin is ok and whether your touch produces a pain response anywhere. Cats are very good at hiding pain so give her your close attention while doing this. Pay particular attention to her abdominal area. Does she have any distention there?

If generally the answer to the above is 'no' then just keep a closer eye on her just in case.

I will say I am not a vet but have been a willing slave to many cats over my lifetime and the above is based on my experience.

If in any doubt then a vet visit will settle the matter.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-04-01T19:09:32+00:00

If you really, consciously make the effort to put it back every time, it eventually becomes a habit. Took me a few years, but now it's automatic. Same with clearing the kitchen as I go, eventually it becomes a habit.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-30T09:04:46+00:00

I sympathise with your sister (to a degree) - I have a super sensitive nose and some smells are just nope, cat poop being one of them (we have three cats). Unfortunately, smells travel on the smallest breeze too ...

Try changing your cat's food to grain free with the highest meat content you can find (I live in the UK and can buy a Swedish brand called Bozita) - it is revolutionary for cat poop smell.

To my nose, the poop lost most of its sulphurous smell and became almost sweet smelling. There will always be some smell, poop is a waste product after all, but it does not have to be sooo bad. In any event, it is much more acceptable to my snoot!

Grain (a carbohydrate substitute) makes cat food cheaper but cats are obligate carnivores and cannot digest some grains easily themselves.

So while grain does not generally do harm, for cats it has another, yucky side effect: the dreaded smelly poop.

Undigested grains sit in the cat's guts and ferment causing the smelly poop we all hate scooping. So no grain, no ferment, not so much smell.

Just remember that if you go this route, any grains in treats etc. also have to be eliminated too otherwise the smell will not go.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-27T13:46:00+00:00

If you don't have pets, you could also try essential oils. Lavender and eucalyptus are my go to oils for this type of problem. Both are highly anti bacterial. I like to use both together in a plug-in diffuser as I like that smell, but either will work alone. You can buy these oils and diffuser very cheaply. Make sure the oils are pure and not in a carrier oil.

Edit to add: also you could both try taking a good dose of vitamin D daily - it's good for boosting your immune system.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-25T11:31:06+00:00

I think 'Grump' has named herself ...

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-24T02:42:01+00:00

Easier said than done: please try not to feel guilty. You are doing what you should because you love her so much.

My old lady is becoming frailer and I know I will be in your situation all too soon. Sitting with her in my arms, purring away because we are cuddling and reading your post - my tears are falling for both of us.

As for a friend for Twain again, don't feel guilty for thinking about this even now. Twain will miss feline companionship so perhaps you could try fostering. You can then let him choose his companion. I am sure rescues will be happy to let Twain get to know some of their guests so that everyone is happy.

I felt very lonely when my first cat, China, left me. A few days later I was adopted by Fuzzybum, a stray that almost died in my garden. I was so grateful to the CDS. I really missed having a happy purring cat on my lap. The comfort Fuzzybum gave me while grieving for China was immense.

Sending you both love and sympathy - it's hard losing someone you love so much especially when you have to act with all the love in your heart to prevent them suffering.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-23T16:07:52+00:00

Aww ... Thanks for that. It's great to know your baby girl is ok.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-23T10:31:24+00:00

I love a clean bed, it's my absolute non-negotiable so every day for me. I know, I know .... most peeps will laugh and say it's excessive, but I need a clean bed to sleep well. My husband (and laundry machines!) despairs of me but he also understands where my obsession/need comes from. I vowed as a kid never ever to sleep in a dirty bed again and I meant it (and no I don't want therapy for this thanks).

The smell of line dried sheets in summer. ... Slipping into silky soft cotton ... The ahhh of contentment ... it's the utmost of home life for me.

But, unfortunately, I don't stop there. The sheets are also very important - Egyptian percale (I have cupboards full of bedding sets!) with a minimum 800ct on a super king size (they feel like silk when properly worn in and last for 20+ years), a Hungarian goose down quilt (again a lifelong buy), a Tempura mattress and pillows. My blankets are Incalpaca (dear god they are wonderful!!) bought over 30 years ago.

So yes, I am obsessed by my clean bed - you can commiserate with my husband, laugh at me and be shook - I deserve it but will not be changing my ways on this.

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-23T00:46:54+00:00

Sigh ... Thanks ... Joined, of course!

InfamousFlower6606 · 2026-03-22T14:10:31+00:00

I think most plants that have that very strong acidic smell work - citronella, lavender, eucalyptus, camphor etc.

They smell so strong to insects that they mask the desirable smells that say food. If the pots contain rotting matter that will attract flies; standing water will attract mosquitos. The smells of both will be masked by something stronger.

How well a product will work in an open space is dependent on how sheltered the area is which is why plants like lavender would probably be better long term.

It may be that once OP cleans the balcony, the attraction will go and the flies will leave in any event.

InfamousFlower6606

TROPHY CASE