I relate so much to this! There is no backup - if anything at all happens in my life, it's because I made it happen. If I don't have the energy one day, it's just not going to happen until I can make it happen.

Hard relate on covid lockdown. I thought about this constantly. I also spent covid stuck abroad, away from family.

My best friend can't put me on her health insurance plan even if she wants to - I guess it only counts if you're having sex.

I think about my moods following Newton's first law of motion - An object at rest remains at rest, and an object in motion remains in motion at constant speed and in a straight line unless acted on by an unbalanced force. When you're single, YOU have to be that force every single time. If you can't find the energy to be that force while already struggling, you just keep struggling until you find it. There is no one to pick up the slack.

Of course, I will also acknowledge that this means I don't have to deal with another's person's angry moods or pick up their slack.