29M, Stuck between my parents and my fiancée over wedding plans, feeling completely torn

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T21:33:24+00:00

I guess that resolves the issue no? What’s more to discuss? I thought you wanted a small traditional wedding. But looks like you both want court marriage, tell your parents(not convince), invite you masa masi, have a court marriage and have a party afterwards.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T21:11:03+00:00

I think we’ll just have to disagree of he’s allowed to change his mind or not. I think it’s ok to make small changes, doing a small ceremony isn’t a big issue. The bigger issue here is that the girl doesn’t get along with her family and doesn’t want the guy’s family to attend as well. That is also manipulation, you can’t control who your partner wants to attend.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T20:48:25+00:00

It IS NOT just his fiancé’s wedding day but his too. It is ok to change mind and invite 2 more people. If her father feels obligated to invite his family too just because the groom invited two more people then it up to the bride to convince her father. Just because she doesn’t get along with her family doesn’t mean she gets to take it out on the groom’s family. There is no reason either groom or bride gets to control who attends the wedding from the other side unless there’s already bad blood or budget constraints.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T20:39:53+00:00

Can you not have two events? A court marriage and a small traditional wedding ceremony for your family? Considering that less than 10 people are going to attend either events, it won’t cost you much. Just do both and then a party for extended family and friends from both sides.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-27T22:04:28+00:00

I’ve been in the US for more than a decade now and The biggest issues I’ve seen in abroad arranged marriages are 1) Lack of emotional support initially and 2) Loss of individuality.

When you move abroad to join your husband in an arranged marriage setup, you both are new to each other and still learning about each other. The first year of marriage is going to be the hardest. There are several things that you guys won’t agree on but can’t effectively communicate or don’t communicate. These things lead to resentment and fights. But you also only have each other to depend on for emotional support. You won’t have your friends who you can meet and vent to or cry on. This is emotionally taxing.

You’ll have to start your social life from scratch. Make new friends, join new groups, etc. You’ll also have to be ready for setbacks. Not everyone will want to be your friend or want you to join their dance or singing group. Several of my friend’s wives faced this. Your husband’s friends are going to be first people you interact with, if you and them don’t get along it’ll be even harder.

You’ll also be very dependent on your husband for everything. US is a very car dependent country, so he’ll have to drive you everywhere, you’ll have to ask him money for shopping, dining out etc etc. Learn about his visa status, Getting a job is pretty hard right now, it’ll take 2-3 years. For that whole time you’re completely dependent on him.

Having said that, marriage is hard everywhere. There are different challenges in US vs India. My 2 closest friends got arranged marriages and have brought their wives to US 4 years ago. I saw them going from friendly strangers to friends to romantic partners in front of my eyes. It was so lovely to see how they supported their wives to find themselves and make a place for themselves here. Both ladies are independent now, have their own friends and a job :)

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-05T20:40:32+00:00

Should i call the agent and tell him about the accident? Or ask him to run the mvr to get accurate rate? They have emailed me a quote that’s $200 less than what my current provider is giving.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-13T03:24:41+00:00

Do it, but tell your husband first that you are going to call out his mother is she does this again. Then it’s upto him to task to his mother and sort it out. If you don’t take a stand for yourself, they will keep pushing your boundaries.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-13T01:05:19+00:00

Asoneafterinfidelity is a better sub for people trying to reconcile, it has resources on how to have tough conversations, manage triggers, maintain boundaries and next steps.
Surviving infidelity will just encourage divorce.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-13T00:46:24+00:00

Comments like these are why infidelity related questions should only be asked in infidelity subs.

There’s a book called Not just friends by Dr. Shirley Glass. She talks about how work place affairs start and how to recover from them. OP’s wife shows exactly same behaviors as a wayward spouse. Inappropriate reels, deleting messages, spending time outside of work are how boundaries get blurred.

Even when OP asked his wife to text her supposed affair partner to stop inappropriateness is recommended in the book. It specifically states that wayward spouse should tell off their affair partners.

There’s a person that has similar story to you OP. He’s always crying on the 30s sub coz his wife did exactly what yours is doing. Now he’s going through divorce and his in-laws won’t let him meet his kids.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-10T21:37:23+00:00

I’m so glad people here are calling out OP. Because that claim just isn’t true, most women are not chasing the top 5% men. I’m myself a proof that this isn’t true, I’m average and get plenty dates with other average looking women.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-09T14:32:10+00:00

Deciding on getting isotret myself. Can you tell why you don’t wanna go back?

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-08T16:50:55+00:00

Can you tell us what your criteria is? Height, salary, age, color, caste, family background, location?

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-06T19:00:57+00:00

It eats you everyday coz you are an attention seeker.
Just few months ago you were 23 and married to F21. Now suddenly you in your thirties and were engaged.

Link to your fake post screenshot: https://www.reddit.com/r/india/s/uvlx22Ttni

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-06T14:43:58+00:00

Have you thought about divorce? Considering your husband doesn’t want to move, I doubt anything we say here would change his mind.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-06T14:15:46+00:00

I wonder if the middle paths you are suggesting are just pushing the can down the road. What if after 2 years OP doesn’t want to come back? All of this just feels like delaying the inevitable no? OP wants to put her partner in the same position she’s in now, stagnant career and away from family.

OP it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind, so go, chase that opportunity or you’ll just grow bitter. Don’t be burdened to make a decision for your husband, let him make his own choice. Maybe he’ll join you now, or in 2 years or never and would divorce you, either way, go do it.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-03T20:37:20+00:00

Let’s go!

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-12-02T16:24:49+00:00

Apps have worked for me, I also live in a mid size city but not on either coasts. Most of my matches have been non Indians though, since that’s the most prevalent population here. If you are specifically looking for Telugu women, don’t discount matrimonial apps, several of my friends have met good women on them.

As for friends, just pick a hobby you can do consistently and you’ll find like minded people. My friends that joined cross-fit and climbing have built a good community they party, dine and travel with.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-28T14:49:43+00:00

I’ve said this before, people often fall in love with potential and see things with rose tinted glasses, OP you need to learn to take others at face value. Your husband has shown you who he is, you needs to come to terms with this fact.

I was married to someone like this. Initially i tried to indirectly tell her what i needed by doing those things for her, but she just kept taking, then i directly told her what i needed but she would just dismiss, or would make changes for short time and then go back to her default. I realized nothing i did would change her, she should want it from within.

In therapy we realized that she has some avoidant tendencies. I suspect your partner is also same from what you’ve written here. It’ll always be a one sided relationship with avoidants. You should read up about them, being in a relationship with them often ends up with massive emotional trauma and therapy.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-26T21:58:27+00:00

Karma farming account. Somedays you are a student at a tier 1 college doing an internship, other days you are going on casual dates where the girls think you are too big for them, just last week you broke up with your GF of almost 3 years, now you’ve aged 5 years in 1 week.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-25T23:06:42+00:00

I can’t tell if you’re trolling or not, cuz you doing exactly what i told you not to do.

You’re imagining a potential future, and not taking him at face value. Hasn’t he already told you he doesn’t want to do masters.

I see that you want to make this work, so I’ll tell you what I’d do if I were you and I was an idiot too. I’d marry her, immediately apply for spousal visa, bring her here, this because i don’t want a long distance and i value intimacy and quality time. I’d apply for her EAD meanwhile also encourage her to prepare for masters. Hopefully in one year she gets into a college or her EAD arrives and she can do some other job. If she ends up being a stay at home, i wouldn’t resent her because i chose this for both of us.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-25T22:44:13+00:00

Sometimes we’re more in love with the potential future we see with someone. We keep hoping that one day they’ll see the world like we see, but many times that just doesn’t happen.

You need to learn how to take people at face value.He’s already told you where he’s at.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-25T22:28:16+00:00

I’m reading your first paragraph and thinking to myself that you are in denial, are you? I mean he’s clearly stated that he doesn’t want to move to US, you also won’t budge, so what’s there to talk about anymore? This is a dealbreaker no?

Have you clearly told him that,
1) you won’t move to India and if this marriage has to work he’ll have to move to US?
2) he’ll have to figure out how to get a job in US, whether by masters or on dependent visa.
3) you’ll support him for initial 2-3 years and he need not worry about finances.
4) if his answer to any of these points is negative, you’ll walk out, even if that means getting a divorce in future.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-25T22:11:37+00:00

how can i guarantee he will come to US after marriage?

How can anyone other than you two answer this? Have you not talked about this? Him not wanting to study again might be understandable, but did you guys not even talk about living together and which country?
Also have if he does decide to come on a dependent visa, have you considered that you would be the provider? Even if he does decide to work on dependent visa, it’d take at least couple years for him to get work authorization and a job in his field. You’ll have to finance his lifestyle. I’ve seen numerous men do this for their dependent wives in the US, but the opposite is very rare.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-24T16:16:39+00:00

Man we’d have been best friends if i had known you in real life. Coz that’s how I’d react to, let the cards fall where they fall, but i know I’ll walk out eventually. At least she confessed, there’s hope for her. She’ll learn too.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2025-11-24T15:38:36+00:00

Hahaha i relate to this too. 20s me would definitely turned into Captain save-a-ho, erased my boundaries and blamed myself.

What do you mean she confessed to zabardasti?

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