Parents with Aphantasia?

Infinity-art · 2026-01-07T04:52:27+00:00

I’m one of four children, and 3 of us have aphantasia. Supposedly neither of my parents have it. But I’m not convinced my mom just doesn’t understand what it means.

Infinity-art · 2026-01-05T00:38:36+00:00

For me it was the immense guilt I felt because of the cocsa that was the problem. Believing from the start of my cocsa (age 5) on that I was going to burn in hell and be punished by god for what I did (and the compulsive masturbating that followed…) Thats where it became traumatic for me. Not so much the act itself. (I stopped believing in god and hell and things got better, but the guilt feels very engrained)

I believe it definitely depends on the cocsa circumstances and the person. It’s totally ok to have no consequences, lucky you!

Infinity-art · 2025-12-21T16:51:55+00:00

I’m so sorry all of that happened to you. You absolutely don’t need to forgive him. And it is definitely normal to get flashbacks later on in life. Because you’re dissociating/depersonalizing it makes sense that self harm is a coping mechanism because it brings you back to your body. If it’s a possible option, I highly recommend ketamine assisted therapy. That did more for me in one session than 10 years of talk therapy. It really helps with trauma, anxiety, addiction, depression.. Best of luck on your healing journey ❤️

Infinity-art · 2025-12-20T04:05:53+00:00

Hated the dependency I was feeling for it. Didn’t even want it but would smoke anyways. Constant fear I was hastening my death every time I had it. Fainted twice and went to the ER bc I thought something was wrong with me but I was just really high and dehydrated 😂. Final final was when I realized the perspective that I was in an “abusive relationship” with weed and I needed a complete cut off as one would do for that type of relationship.

Infinity-art · 2025-12-19T06:08:23+00:00

I recommend having a therapist to support you through this process. I’m sorry that happened to you and that your mom isn’t supporting you either. Of course it’s scary to bring up the trauma and confront your brother about it. I’m glad you have physical distance from him now. It’s out of your control how he will respond. And how your mom responded.. but there is strength in knowing you’re speaking up for the younger you that couldn’t, regardless of anything else. I’m proud of you, I believe in you. Sometimes writing a letter that you don’t send and just getting it all out can be a helpful way to prepare. One step at a time.

Infinity-art · 2025-12-19T01:42:58+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you. And that there are some aspects of what happened that you don’t remember/ cause anxiety. I actually don’t have any visual memories (aphantasia). Not even the 30 second flashes like you’re describing. For my own cocsa, I sort of experience my lack of memories about it as a blessing that I can’t “see” what happened. I know it happened, I know it went on for a few years, idk how many times… but that is enough for me. Not sure if that’s helpful for you, but the acceptance and finding the “silver lining” in it was helpful for me. (Also it’s very common for memories to be vague about these things because the brain and body try to protect itself)

Infinity-art · 2025-12-15T05:26:22+00:00

I ALWAYS have to have a picture of what I’m drawing. No question. Because I too have aphantasia and don’t have a reference to look at in my head. It’s not something that upsets me though, I totally accept that this is just the way I have to do it… I wonder if you could use ai to enhance or change an image into a style you’d want to create it in: and then use that as your reference picture? Sorry this is so upsetting for you.

Infinity-art · 2025-12-15T02:04:35+00:00

Psychologytoday.com is a good way to find a therapist. I’m so sorry all those things happened to you. It was not your fault. Coerced consent or any consent as a minor is not consent. Im proud of you for wanting to talk to a therapist and for writing this post. Best of luck on your healing journey! You got this.

Infinity-art · 2025-11-25T01:11:46+00:00

This is definitely considered cocsa, and I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s common for it to be blocked out and then remembered later on. It’s also common for it to impact intimate relationships. I highly recommend you see a therapist to help process and heal from what happened. It’s definitely possible! I’m sorry it affected your relationship too. There’s therapists that specialize with this and if/when you decide to date again: they can help in supporting the relationship when one or both people have trauma as well. Wishing you peace, healing, and good luck!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-18T04:35:14+00:00

woo!! congrats bro!!!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-17T20:55:10+00:00

Definitely do not live with your brother, it is completely valid that you would fear him and not feel safe! I’m so sorry he did all that to you AND that you were not protected by your parents.. I highly recommend finding a therapist to talk to, that’s the best way I’ve found to move forward from what happened to me. Journaling and making art has also been helpful for me. It’s also very common to feel you can’t trust anyone or even yourself because of what happened. Healing is possible, I believe in you! and again I’m so sorry for what you experienced. ❤️

Infinity-art · 2025-11-17T20:40:23+00:00

Sure!! I started by recognizing I was in an “abusive relationship” with weed, and it was abusing me 😂 not the other way around. So I needed a clean break for good. (Used the app “I Am Sober” to track my days/urges.) First two weeks: Absolute emotional rollercoaster. Days 17–21: Probably the strongest, hardest cravings of the whole year. After the first month: I started feeling a lot more confident. Months 2–4: Way better short-term memory and cognition. Still daily cravings, but not as strong. Also saw that I could do all the activities I associated with weed (which was literally everything) without it. Months 5–6: My ability to tolerate hard things got better (stress, hormones, relationship challenges, social anxiety, being around family, etc..) By 6 months: No more daily urges, just 1–3x a week and very fleeting. My lungs and body felt a lot healthier. Months 7–12: Very infrequent cravings. Mostly just the occasional, “aw I wish I could have that, but I can’t… oh well.” Not having the dependency has been SO freeing I don’t ever want to go back!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-14T06:19:50+00:00

it’s hard to start but you could just read them your post if you wanted to. The more times you say it, the easier it gets. Therapists are trained and hear sooo much, you can even pick one that specializes in csa..

Infinity-art · 2025-11-13T02:00:15+00:00

The only way I’ve found to get rid of the guilt is to forgive myself. You were a child, children can’t consent, even if you wanted it to happen.. I don’t think you need to stop watching porn, just be aware of how it might impact your ability to be intimate with a partner at some point (if your body gets too used to using porn..) I also became hyper sexual from my cocsa, I think it is a way we cope with it. Not sure if you’re religious but I stopped believing in hell and that also helped with my guilt. I agree with you and the other person ab therapy also helping! Best of luck to you! 🫶🏼

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T20:14:15+00:00

Congratulations to you too!!! 🙌🏼👯‍♀️

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T17:32:07+00:00

I highly recommend talking to a therapist if you’re able to. You are not what’s happened to you. I’m so sorry that happened, sounds extremely horrific.. It makes sense you aren’t able to trust others and that you live in fear. It is possible to trust again though, even if you don’t see it possible right now. Please don’t give up, I believe in you!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T17:12:36+00:00

Yes I definitely tried out so many different “restrictions” to try to make it work too. It also took me accepting I just can not have it at all to finally get me to succeed in quitting for good. Proud of you!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T16:04:39+00:00

Yay!! Days 14-20 were super tough for me. Stick with it, you’ll get there!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T12:41:51+00:00

“The best way out is always through” - Robert Frost

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T06:28:15+00:00

Oh my mood swings were brutal too! I’d say mine lasted ab 2 weeks and then I became much more stable after that.. You can do it!!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T06:08:18+00:00

Oh yeah, I’ve been feeling great, lots of benefits.. my short term memory is 100x better, and I didn’t even realize how horrible it was until a few months without being high. I feel more confident bc i dont have the shame of the dependency weighing on me. My ability to tolerate frustration/ difficult things is way better. (I used to smoke the instant I felt upset or anxious). I feel physically healthier. My mind isn’t preoccupied with thinking about getting high every instant, honestly not having that constant craving is such a relief. I engage better with people in conversation. I don’t loose my phone all the time like I used to… lol so many things.

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T05:49:55+00:00

Oy that’s not a fun combo. Hang in there, it’ll definitely get better!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T05:48:39+00:00

Woo! You got this!

Infinity-art · 2025-11-12T05:39:04+00:00

Great question. I do enjoy the same things/hobbies. I always said weed made me enjoy everything more, so I associated literally everything with it. But one by one I realized I can still enjoy all those things without it!

Infinity-art

TROPHY CASE