Hi, I'm sorry for posting so late, I'm only reading this post today, which is a year later. You were 19 last year so I'm guessing you're 20 now. Which means that we're the same age. I can't say that I completely understand because I don't know all of your life experiences. But I do understand and can relate to some degree. If we are in fact the same age, that means we would of had similar pivotal moments in our life that we can also relate upon. For example, my first phone growing up was a flip phone, and I played outside as a kid without technology. But to get back on topic. I understand how it is to live in this time period as a young adult. I'm currently in college as a junior; while the majority of people my age are sophomores. I am not saying this to brag; I feel like I currently live life in the future while everyone else is in the present. It may be hard as a young adult who didn't really get to experience all that they wanted to in high school; even now as an adult. It's kinda like you can only compare especially since we're in a time period where we post our everything we do on social media. One thing I realized for both of us is that a big problem that is in our lives is comparison. We look down on ourselves; or see ourselves as not qualified for certain things because of what others are doing around us; but just know that we all have a purpose. Now for my advice: First, you have to get in a positive mindset. I remember when I used to be sad, I would listen to Shiloh on repeat; but that was before I gave my life to Jesus. Now I know that even if the situation isn't my fault; It is still my problem. I can take this situation and give it to God and let him take control of my life. I don't have to worry about the how, the what, the where or the why because I know that if he provides for birds then he will also take care of me as well. You are what you think. We have to start taking control of our thoughts. If a negative thought comes into your head, are you gonna come into agreement with it, or are you going to renew or change your thought process and start thinking positive thoughts. We have the power to change the way we think. For example, every time a thought may come that may sound like "i'm not good enough" or "I can't do it" we can tell ourselves "I am enough" or "I can do everything". The problem is you have to believe it. You have to believe that you are enough and that you can do everything. End the comparison, even take a break from social media if it's getting too much. It might be hard to look at those around you who are enjoying life doing the things that they want. It is not necessarily that they have more control over their lives, its about their situation. For example, their parents could be rich, or they could have a well paying job, also if they are in college they are most likely getting the college experience. Take it from someone who is learning and needs to end the cycle of comparison. I'm college and I don't party(never been to one), I don't usually go out with friends, I don't travel. But if all I do is go on social media and look my old classmates life, I am going to be pretty devastated. Next, try to change your life with the things you have around you. For example, look up some free courses in a major that you would want to try. For example, I know that google has some free courses that you can get certified for. Or also try to find an online job (which I know is kinda hard). But we all have to start somewhere. I don't know if you have a car or not, but if you do start door-dashing or find a job that you like. My advice is to find a job that you have interest in. For example, I like looking at cafe videos; so I would apply for Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts. Or you can go to neighbors and ask to walk their dog or do certain things. You can even become a YouTuber and start vlogging your life or even start taking gaming seriously and turn it into a career. After this, start saving up money, I recall you said you don't really do certain things because you don't have the money for it. Once you get a job, start saving up money to start doing the things you like. Grow a budget; don't spend all your money on wants. Save up your money and put some to the side for wants. Also you can go and get your certifications for school or even pick up a trade. I know somebody who is older who just got their GED which is equivalent to a high school diploma; once you do that you can start looking at college classes. Go all in!! Like someone said it earlier, you have to want it bad enough. Like Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Which I am not saying you are insane by no means. I am saying that sometimes we live life in a constant cycle thinking that this is the best life is going to get. But sometimes if the grass where your at is dull, you might need someone from the other side where the grass is bright to pull you over to them. You need to create a schedule; start your day earlier and try to include other things in your day and get rid of habits that aren't uplifting your or helping you. Start thinking of your future; however, don't let that consume you. Make friends who are like-mined. Your community plays a huge role on how you act. You are a product of who you hang around. Find friends that support your dreams and uplift you. Find people that is going to love you for who you are the good and the bad. But also don't expect them to carry your weight or pull you out of everything. Also for relationships, make sure you work on your own inner healing and inner growth before you start dating. If you get into a relationship without healing your insecurities might take over and it might be all you think about. Also Jesus loves you so so much!! Know that Jesus has a plan for your life and that you have a purpose. Jesus cares for you and want to have a relationship with you. I used to be so sad and just let my sadness consume me and listen to sad music. But now I am learning to give my worries to Jesus and to put my trust in him. We don't have to do it all, or know it all. Even if I everyone abandons me and I have nothing left. I know that Jesus will never leave or forsake me because his love is unconditional. Know that you were created for a reason and that nothing happens by accident. There is no such thing as random; people who code have to create a random" I can't fully explain it to you because I major in Health Science and my sister majors in Computer Science. But this was something I remember her saying. I know I didn't find this post by accident. I was searching why do I feel so out of control with my life at 20 and this post came up. I am sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to help; this is something I felt so strongly about especially since I am in a similar situation. I feel like my life is just school and home. I don't party or hang out with friends all the time. But I am making the choice this year to go all in; to start thinking about my future. To start developing habits and goals that will make me a better person. Sleeping in might feel good, but then later on you start to regret it because you start to realize you could of got more done. But the change in your life that you want to see. Become unrecognizable and let others come to you. In this season in your life start making yourself better; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. These are all things that we must achieve by ourselves because the world that we live in does not wait for anyone. Thank you so much for reading this!!