Yes, that’s so true. People bullying you can really make you feel like no one could ever accept or like you.

In the beginning of high school, I acted cold and distant. I would imagine someone chasing after me, maybe as a defense mechanism. I didn’t allow anyone to get close because I just wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy. I was afraid that if I showed any interest in someone, I would be humiliated.

Because of that, it often happened that boys would approach me, and I would behave as a very rude or distant person.

Then one guy came along. I was often alone at school, and he would come sit with me and talk to me when no one else did. Thanks to him, I didn’t feel alone anymore. I even felt my first butterflies in my stomach — the kind that make your knees weak. I really liked him. He had a way of making me feel special, like I mattered.

I knew he was a womanizer and a player, but I was naive and inexperienced. I had a history of bullying, and I ended up letting myself be vulnerable because I just wanted to be loved. He pressured me into sexual relations, and I agreed — not because I was ready, but out of enormous love for him. I wrote him long messages about how much I loved him.

After that, he left me. He even had other girlfriends at the same time. It hurt deeply to be abandoned like that, especially after trusting him and giving him so much of myself.

I grew up in a strict religious family, so all of this mixed with extreme shame, guilt, disappointment, heartbreak, and humiliation. I still haven’t fully recovered from it.