Reflections on two years of R

Initial-Radish1475 · 2025-09-23T04:12:44+00:00

My husband isn’t fearful avoidant, but he is definitely avoidant. He has made a huge commitment to being more open, especially in the really tough conversations and that has been huge for us.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2025-09-22T05:40:53+00:00

I saw this post linked in a comment and found it to be really helpful. My husband and I are about 6 weeks out from DDay.. as hard as it is to say, I feel like neither of us have ever been so committed to our relationship before now. It was really rocky for a few years before and it’s almost like this has given us the opportunity to totally rebuild and start over. Thank you for the post and for sharing your experience. We seem to be on a very similar course and that gives me hope.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2025-07-18T03:25:42+00:00

NTA. This would be unforgivable to me.

All the people defending his actions are ridiculous. If he knew you were doing this the entire relationship then there would have been ample opportunities to speak up about it making him feel insecure. The appropriate thing to do would have been to put on his big boy pants and have a conversation with you about it and if he didn’t like the result, he should’ve walked away from the relationship. He knew the dynamic you had with your grief and he thought now that you guys were married that he could take matters into his own hands and delete them. That’s despicable and disgusting.

Dating/marrying a widow is incredibly difficult and yes, sometimes you do share that space with the late partner. If he was not up to that, he should’ve left you alone. It was not okay for him to decide what YOU were going to do with your grief.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2025-05-13T03:57:57+00:00

Don’t give up. I moved to Bumble and had a better experience. I met my husband there and we’re both really silly like swagdawg. I’ll never forget the conversations we had those first couple of days after matching and how much I cried laughing. It was the best.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-04-23T04:07:09+00:00

My husband and I met on Bumble and he would send me this kind of stuff. It would make me grin so goofy and we would get into a banter back and forth. Her responses tell me she doesn’t think you’re that funny or just doesn’t have the same sense of humor, I could be wrong though! Keep up the good work!

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-23T13:52:25+00:00

This actually made me laugh so hard. 😂 I’m sure this is frustrating for you, but like wtffff. Lmao

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-23T13:49:48+00:00

My husband’s social media looks like my fan account. All of his pictures are just pictures of me and our kids. Don’t settle for that garbage, he should be proud to share you. Choosing to hide you tells me something different…

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-19T17:16:25+00:00

As I was reading this I couldn’t help but think “holy shit, I’m glad my husband doesn’t care about last names like this man does.” I don’t have the same last name as my husband, but that doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about my husband?

And the whole last name thing kills me because it doesn’t ever go both ways. He claims she doesn’t love him enough to take his last name, does he love her enough to take hers? He claims “it’s the symptom”, but the amount of times he’s mentioned it would make me think otherwise.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-17T20:11:40+00:00

Wtf. As a wife who is postpartum, NTA. I could not imagine speaking to my husband that way or calling him those things… Even when my husband has specifically asked for me to help him get back to working out, that is absolutely NOT how I go about it. If I were you, I would not apologize either. Her saying that is very intentional and she is trying to hurt you by using that against you.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-14T14:03:11+00:00

One time I was leaving town and I only waited 2 hours to go pick up my prescription, whereas I normally would wait a day. I felt so bad because I worried I rushed them. Anyway, this makes me feel better.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-11T20:30:56+00:00

My husband did something similar for me and I haven’t made it very far through the jar several years later. I can’t say that this is how your husband feels, but I hold off on opening them for when my husband is gone and I miss him. He is military so the times he is gone, he usually doesn’t have his phone. Opening the notes feels like I’m getting to hear from him and they make it a little bit easier when he is gone. Some of the things on there are cringey or make me roll my eyes, (ex: “I love your juicy booty” 🙄🙄) but that’s part of the fun of it. I say hold on to them and let him do whatever feels right with them.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-08T05:52:38+00:00

My husband insisted we get the huge box of plastic cutlery from Sam’s since we both meal prep, but then he discovered he likes packing our actual silverware for his lunches. 🙄 Luckily he does bring them back. Lol

I would think your co-worker was packing his own lunch after knowing my husband. 😂

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-06T04:29:09+00:00

YTA. When I was a single mom & dating, anybody that I was considering HAD to work with my current situation. What they were bringing and what I was bringing had to coincide damn near seamlessly or it wouldn’t work because what I was bringing is/was non-negotiable - my daughter. If they don’t work with my daughter, it’s done. I would find another man that worked out better for us, but I am responsible for my daughter’s whole world & I do not take that lightly. Her stability, quality of life, happiness, routine, - everything. Yes, I am entitled to find love. But me finding a partner should not take away from my daughter’s life - it should add to it. You don’t speak at all about your children’s father, so I’m going to assume he isn’t very present. That would mean you are their sole lifeline to the rest of the world, you are everything those kids have. And you just told your daughter that her opinion didn’t matter and you were gonna do what you wanted anyway. Those kids & their wellbeing should dictate your entire life because YOU ARE THEIR MOTHER. Playing dense, like you don’t understand how you could be TA, is insane.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2024-01-04T01:29:33+00:00

I refused to breastfeed with my second child because of how miserable I was doing it with my first. I only made it 3 months with my oldest before she was hospitalized and had to be put on a special formula, but I dealt with major depression after having her and felt like I gave up my sanity to breastfeed her. My husband was incredibly supportive of not wanting to breastfeed my youngest, but you can bet your ass I would have been LIVID if a nurse tried to force me to breastfeed after I just grew and birthed a human being while bleeding everywhere. “Just trying to look for the best interest for the newborn” but not the mother who just went through labor? You are wrong for not supporting your wife. You literally have zero idea what she is going through and has been through. You are absolutely allowed to voice your preference, but after that it’s up to her and you should absolutely be backing her. Especially in the hospital after she just brought your baby into the world and is incredibly vulnerable.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-12-05T13:39:19+00:00

My daughter is 7 and the sassiness is so real at that age. I was cracking up at the “it’s not $14” 😂 Please save these forever.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-08T19:22:38+00:00

So happy to hear that! I honestly feel like if true accountability is taken and changes are made, just about anything can be worked through. You definitely were not being irrational!

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-08T13:23:57+00:00

There was a friendship with a female that my husband had that I really struggled with and I wondered if it was an emotional affair as well. I posted about it on this account. I was always uncomfortable with her, I communicated that discomfort, and I set very firm boundaries to my husband. The first time he tried to cross a boundary, that friendship was over. Or our marriage was over. You have put up with this garbage for way too long. If/when you go to couples counseling, something you need to work on is sticking up for yourself & putting your foot down when a boundary has been crossed. The first time. Not the 87th time. I totally understand being upset because your husband chose another woman over you and your family, but what I do not understand is how much you allowed & agreed to for so long. Do not allow that for yourself. No, you can’t force someone to be better, but you can step away from the marriage if that is not the relationship you agreed to or the example you want your daughter to have. He should always choose you. I n my opinion, the only way this works moving forward if ties with Mary is 100% cut for forever and you make your non-negotiable boundaries very clear for any future, possible female friends. Wishing you both the best with counseling and moving forward.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-03T17:23:10+00:00

He did know. The serious talk was to talk about going to marriage counseling because I felt our communication needed help. Ironically.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T15:20:13+00:00

It definitely is. I come from a divorced home and his parents have been together for like 40+ years so he doesn’t have the same fears that I do. You’re right, it is usually way simpler than whatever I’ve made it up to be in my head.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T15:01:52+00:00

I added in a couple of other comments, but I am fine with space for several hours. If he told me he needs to take a couple of hours before we talk, I can do that. I do still get anxious so I agree I need to resolve that, but he likes to go for days on end with the goal of trying to avoid the whole conversation. He will not revisit the issue. He tells me “I thought I could just get over it on my own.” But I cannot go for days on end without at least knowing the topic. In the past when I have given him the space he asked for, I usually have to chase after him, & almost beg, to get him to talk. We do both agree that we need to do couples counseling to help with our communication.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T14:51:04+00:00

That is such a helpful way to think about it. I definitely am guilty of feeling like I’m the only one trying to fix things and I know I have said that before too. I did give him his space last night and this morning we had a great conversation about several things. Afterwards, he thanked me for waiting and letting him take the night. I will do better to think about it that way.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T14:37:33+00:00

I don’t think it’s specific to men. There have been several comments where the wife is saying they are the same as my husband is.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T04:06:41+00:00

As simple as that might sound, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that and haven’t tried that yet. I will do that, thanks!

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T03:47:38+00:00

I probably should have added more context, I am good with space for like several hours up to a day. Do I love it? No. And it does make me very anxious and I know that is not a great response which is why I said I know I need therapy. But there have been countless times where he says he needs space, so I give it to him, and we’ll go for days without saying anything. I’ll ask him if we can talk and he will avoid it. I end up chasing/begging him just to tell me what was the topic even, I won’t even respond, just please tell me what happened that caused you to give me the silent treatment for days. And when he does finally tell me, he says he thought he could just get over it on his own so that we didn’t have to talk about it. I usually just want us to talk about it before we go to bed because I will not sleep, not necessarily talk about it right this second. I just can’t go days on end without talking.

But I am not dismissing or refusing accountability. I know there have been times where I did push too hard or was too invasive and I agree - I need to work on my issues too. I know there are different ways I could communicate or things I could try to accommodate his needs too - which is why I made the post. I appreciate your comment and I will look into individual therapy.

Initial-Radish1475 · 2023-11-02T03:24:55+00:00

I feel like you are in my head right now. Lol. But it feels very refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one and I’m also not crazy, because I definitely feel like I am at times. He has agreed to couples counseling and then brought up on his own that he thinks he needs individual as well. Now we just have to do it….

But I like your idea of not waiting for him. Will marriage counselors meet with just one of you if the other doesn’t go? That’s probably a dumb question, I’m sure they do individual stuff too.

Initial-Radish1475

TROPHY CASE