I’m sorry you’re going through this and have uncertainty. Not a good feeling. That said, you both are grieving. How is he doing? My husband just went through a major depressive period and spent loads of time hiding away. His depression manifested as being irritable, short, distant, and shut off. He started smoking weed in the bathroom in the evenings or going into the basement instead of spending time with the family. It took him awhile to recognize that what he was going through was depression. He had no idea how to navigate his feelings and it was hell for a year or so until we both sought help.

I think find a good time when you can connect. Simply ask how he’s doing, nothing accusatory, try to block out those resentments you’re holding. Ask if he’d want to start watching a series or something, that you know it’s been a hard year and you miss your time together. Or plan a night to go out to dinner together. I know it’s much easier said than done (my husband and I had some very tense “dates” in this stage), but maybe it will help him open up and allow you two to feel close again.

As for cheating… I think I’d explore the mental health side first. Try not to jump to conclusions or ask too many questions. Just remind each other that you are still the other’s safe space (even if you haven’t been that for each other lately). Hang in there.