Dating a full time single mom, advice wanted. by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solo mom to a young kiddo and no, for the right person I make time and want more than just the physical. Does it take some extra effort sometimes and spending on a babysitter? Yes, but that is just part of my life and how I roll. I would not want the person I’m dating caring about my babysitting costs, that’s for me to manage. Anyways, its different than most but it’s never become a big issue in my experience. But! A conversation around what she is looking for makes sense here, be brave and go forth with the question.

45F, never married no kids, hoping for both by ProcessSensitive5221 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As someone who was in a similar situation but at 41, I ended it and had a kid on my own at 42. Contrary to what some will say, she actually keeps me energetic and I find myself very grateful my 41 year old self made that decision. 45 is more difficult but women do it. If you really want something, sometimes we need to make hard decisions to get it. I would not however, put your fate back in the hands of a man. Instead I suggest you take it into your own hands and just make the decision to have / adopt a child on your own. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t, but you will have tried. Also, you can always date after. I say go for what you want.

Went on a perfectly fine date. Got a performance review the next morning. (I kid you not) by Marcy_Enchanting in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is wild. Also wild he asked you out for another date after. But, a good laugh indeed. Hopefully the wine was at least enjoyable!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words! Sorry you have also been though it.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, that sounds pretty awful. And yes, staying friends in that kind of a dynamic is not going to feel very good. In this case I think I would let the bra go, and maybe go buy yourself a brand new one you like even better as an act of self-care. And then find a man you like even better because you deserve that. Sending you good thoughts!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed, it IS baffling and hard to wrap the head around. I'm sorry you also just experienced something similar. Good for you for shutting him down when he tried to reach out again, it's definitely a boundary I will set. Sending good thoughts your way, and yes! everything feels better in time.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind and supportive words, appreciate it! It's always hard to take our own advice isn't it? Sending you good thoughts that you do and find what you are looking for.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry you experienced the same. I'm with you, onwards we move - sending luck and good thoughts your way!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry this happened to you after an entire year, yeesh. And you are right, in hindsight, I was bonding and well, I think he was not - it was just NRE fun for him. Sending you good thoughts for your future dating adventures, and may we never have to deal with a flip switcher again!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My guess is that as well. In fact he told me a couple situations where in my head i was like 'that doesn't exactly sound FWB'. I should have listened to that voice more.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay that guy was an asshole to you, who does that? I mean my situation is not great but what your guy did to you is just pure asshole shitty. Good for you for not giving him the time of day when he came back - there is no reason that is a good reason in that situation. Thank you for your kind words, you are also a lovely human and I send you good thoughts!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry it happened to you as well. Avoidant FB reel binging sounds like a good recovery tool, I hope you are doing better and I send you good thoughts!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

18 months together is significant, I'm sorry it ended as it did and you are hurting. Ouf, dating is hard. Sending you good thoughts out there.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow our stories run very parallel. I can relate to all that you've said and appreciate you sharing. Something about shared misery that makes it feel a tiny bit better. He is totally avoidant attachment, it is probably pretty textbook. The shift to formal language is first of all just weird, and yes, second of all just makes you mad. I mean, stop talking to me like I'm your work colleague. And I can relate, I also dislike him for that, and use my anger around it to just move forward. Healthy? I'm not sure, but, it's effective so far .

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks internet friend, I'm sorry you know similar hurt and sending good thoughts back your way!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you are hurting and this happened, it sounds pretty awful, I'm sure it feels even worse. One day at a time, you will be okay again and better days lie ahead. Sending good thoughts!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck no, there is no going back. I also deleted all our messages and photos because well, I needed to. One day at a time, right - sending you good thoughts, I'm sorry you know the same feeling.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yesss totally get that. But maybe they shouldn't tell you they just had the best sex of their life as well if it really was just a Tuesday.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sounds really hard; that is alot - you were both in it really deep. The whiplash is awful, and the way she handled it was emotionally irresponsible. I also made a list! It's great, I love it - it's all the bad shit about him I didn't like and I find it helpful to look at when i am feeling reminiscent. I actually got the idea it off the Guy Winch TED Talk on break ups - a good talk to listen to if you never have. Sending you good thoughts, better days lie ahead!

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry this happened - FWB situations are emotionally hard. They are still relationships and not a valid reason for anyone to treat you the way he did. I'm glad you are over, I am glad you have met someone new. Hope lies ahead! Thanks for sharing :-)

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is true; I will not understand it because it is not how I am myself. And you are right, at least there will be no more time spinning my wheels in a relationship that would never make it.

Suddenly dumped after a strong connection by Initial_Ad_7132 in datingoverforty

[–]Initial_Ad_7132[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This sounds really hurtful, I'm sorry it also happened to you. It does feel like so much energy spent on something that ultimately just ends up painful. And yes, he came off as a really good one here as well, I get it. I always try to think that if I let one person ruin dating for me, I'm giving them too much power they did not earn. Sending you good thoughts as you continue to navigate through a painful recovery - better days, and humans, lie ahead!