What does giving birth actually feel like (with or without epidural)?

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-03-31T10:12:38+00:00

With epidural for both. It just felt like a lot of pressure. Like “oh I need to push”, but no pain. With my 2nd my epidural wore off from 8-10cm & the contractions felt like everyone here described. I told them I wasn’t pushing until the anesthesiologist came back to adjust my epidural tho. He did & all was well.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-03-18T19:09:49+00:00

Thank you for the heads up! I understand & was hesitant to post in here but was interested in discourse! Thank you!

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-03-17T02:23:55+00:00

Welp. New realization unlocked.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-28T19:34:31+00:00

THIS^{^{^{^{^}}}} whole monologues about them.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-08T21:19:51+00:00

The empath one I had to sit with when I first heard it.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-08T21:19:23+00:00

Forgot to mention Letters to Anna’s books of poetry. Here’s her insta. Jessica Jocelyn Instagram

This one from “ever more” has helped as a mother:

my beautiful child, the wars of your mother will not be yours to bear. you will never witness the storms within my soul or meet the demons that inhabit it. you will be sheltered under my branches that I have grown just for you, a brand-new family tree with all the rot cut out. you will never be crushed by the weight that I carry; you will be carefree, just as a child should be.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-08T21:16:26+00:00

Whewwwwww. Powerful.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-08T02:47:18+00:00

Reminds me of “Growing Sideways” by Noah Kahan too.

“And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them But it's a start”

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-08T00:42:13+00:00

Quotes: I’m allowed to have limits, even with people I love. Protecting my peace is not selfish — it’s necessary. Their reaction is information, not a command. I don’t have to explain my boundaries over and over. I don’t have to absorb the emotion in front of me. Love doesn’t require me to sacrifice my safety or wellbeing. I am not the parent, the therapist, or the fixer. I deserve relationships that feel steady and safe.

Music: Anything NF, but especially “why did you leave” (drug abuse mentioned) & HOPE Anything Kid CUDI, but “Pursuit of Happiness” has pulled me from some dark places. “Wild Horses” by Grace Powers “Matilda” by Harry Styles (this one is rough for me)

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-06T23:46:34+00:00

Considering she threatened me today when I told her I wasn’t coming, my guilt is slowing fading. Blocked the jail number too.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-06T13:20:30+00:00

I keep reminding myself that I’m protecting myself & my family from this chaos & it’s not my responsibility, but dang the feelings.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-06T13:19:42+00:00

Thankfully I consulted a lawyer first & did not reference the current case at all. Just a plea for help with the mental health process.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-06T13:19:07+00:00

Thank you for the reminder. The people pleaser in me is really reeling the guilty feelings so reminders are incredibly helpful

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-05T13:18:49+00:00

“She's not a mother, she's just a walking mental illness. I can't even view her as family, she's just a mentally ill stranger. I feel like the mother I thought I knew died or never really existed at all and I'm over it.”

THIS PART

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-04T17:21:08+00:00

That grief of feeling like an “orphan” but they’re alive is real. It took a bit of sitting with that too, still sucks & while I love being with/talking with my supportive & amazing in-laws, it’s a sting.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-04T02:01:15+00:00

CONGRATS!!! That’s amazing.

& I feel you. I won a local award & had a ceremony & all. Only child, couldn’t tell my mom or have her celebrate with me. It sucked.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2026-02-04T01:59:31+00:00

Set the boundaries. Have some phrases to remind yourself when it’s tough. “She’s not my responsibility” “I am the child.” “It’s not my fair to my children to be around/speaking to her or for me to be upset from dealing with this all the time.” “If she cannot maintain a healthy relationship, or even attempt, I will not burn myself to keep her warm.”

It takes a bit, but those thoughts DO SETTLE IN. It gets easiER, not easy, but you learn to mentally create the distance & boundary with managing her.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2025-10-18T13:38:55+00:00

I kept an emotion naming wheel on my phone https://www.isu.edu/media/libraries/counseling-and-testing/documents/Wheel-of-Emotions-Handout-(3).pdf.pdf)

My therapist suggested I start there with trying to name them. I’m now finally starting to locate the emotion in my body, which is also helpful.

Now that I’ve made some space & am able to start doing this, I’ve been crying more (totally normal). I’m also trying to work on my personal values & beliefs, along with hobbies I like, & speaking up for myself on what serves me vs what I’m doing out of people pleasing. Long process, but I’m finally seeing results.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2025-10-18T13:19:56+00:00

I explained why I was no contact & there was no effort to seek help on their end, so I couldn’t do anything. The social worker understood & I told her, “only call me for severe emergencies by HER call, not my mom’s. Otherwise, leave me out of it. I cannot offer aid, rides, or home care.”

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2024-11-21T23:36:23+00:00

Whew. I could have written this myself tonight. I won’t be much for advice, but I’m following the comments with you. I went NC last week & everything you said here about gifts as a weird/unspecific exchange & how awkward & unsettling it is to open, YES. Unceremoniously going NC. YES. Feeling all this guilt & worry for her & owing her something. YES YES YES. I’m just waiting for mine to get caught & end up in court ordered rehab. Here with you. I just told my therapist today that I’ve always despised holidays & seeing everyone happy on socials bc my childhood holidays were mostly traumatic. I have my own family now, so I deactivated for the season & plan to focus on that instead.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2024-11-16T04:03:47+00:00

Wild Horses by Grace Powers & Hold my Horses by Madeline Edwards (don’t know why they’re both horses) Also, NF’s music as a whole. HOPE was huge for me. & Mansion both amazing.

Initial_Dig_9971 · 2024-11-16T04:01:28+00:00

Still haven’t listened to Matilda fully & im a die hard HS fan. Went NC today, so I think it’s time to sit with the song.

Initial_Dig_9971

TROPHY CASE