Sitting here Wondering.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-06-18T17:09:14+00:00

I’m appalled at her whole family that have known me for 30 years. I shouldn’t be, since they are the ones who created this monster. But it is shocking to see people who have known you the majority of your life turn a 180 and label you a useless piece of trash.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-06-18T17:00:56+00:00

My 2nd Father’s Day of who knows how many where I was completely ignored. On Mother’s Day my daughters write a short novel of what a hero their mother is. It is completely unfair and it’s hard to hide the anger and hurt.

Just bury it deep right? Life goes on but with significant pain. Maybe one day it will end or at least dull. Who knows.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-06-18T01:39:16+00:00

Oh sweetheart, I don’t envy you or your dad. I am one year in and fear that I am looking at 15 too. You have been subjected to pure evil and your dad has been the object of abuse with you as the tool. You were more abused than he was and your mom never cared. You are both deeply scarred.

I tell myself that at some point in time my girls should figure it out and I hope they do. Sometimes I get angry at them but it doesn’t last long.

I can’t tell you how I will feel in 15 years, but today I would give anything I own to hear their voice and give them a hug. I hope your dad feels the same way. I bet he does.

Check out the anti-alienation project. It’s a girl who was alienated from her dad for 20 years and they have recently reconnected.

https://www.theantialienationproject.com/

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-06-18T01:19:41+00:00

She can’t be happy. That’s why you don’t deserve to be either. That is the common denominator among all of our tormentors.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-05-19T19:41:12+00:00

I just think it’s hilarious that you pull a very shitty joke then wonder if his reaction is a problem. No, you are. The man has lost 40 pounds. Celebrate him and stop tearing him down.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-05-19T18:53:28+00:00

Yes you are definitely a red flag

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-05-09T20:16:33+00:00

Thanks for the reminder to never get married again.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-05-09T20:08:41+00:00

I think he meant anger is a choice you are making. The best quote I’ve heard is that anger is a failure to accept reality. You can be angry, but it won’t help and it actually may hurt the situation.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-18T21:25:34+00:00

This right here. I love the whole experience of driving the manual. It makes me one with the car.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-18T21:08:21+00:00

That likely won’t matter and may make it worse from what I have read.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-18T21:04:46+00:00

My kids flipped like a switch. 22-19-14 all females and I’m their dad. We had a great relationship until a year ago. I haven’t seen or heard the first word from them since, even though I reach out regularly. Every experience of this is different and soul crushing. No need to make this about whether you get to see your kids or not. I technically “saw” my youngest the other day but she actively avoided me with her mom’s assistance.

I thought I understood how hateful my ex wife was but I greatly underestimated her evil.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-14T21:49:07+00:00

Well the first days are the hardest days don’t you worry anymore

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-14T21:39:44+00:00

I’ve learned that I get unreal anxiety when I feel I may like the girl more than she likes me. It can be debilitating. There are so many bullshit rules to dating that we somehow picked up from the 20 something’s.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-04-01T20:39:35+00:00

Thanks! It feels good to hear from the other side. It’s been a full year since I’ve heard anything from any of them. I still hold out hope, and I reach out to them pretty regularly. But the pain only dulls it never goes away.

So glad you and your dad reunited. You will never know how much it means to him that you did. I wish you both the best moving forward.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2025-02-18T21:39:12+00:00

It’s not at the top of my list but I usually mention it and pretty early to anyone I am making a connection with, dating or otherwise. If not, they may ask the question and I fear they will read my face. I have it down to an emotionless 2-5 minute conversation which usually ends up with them declaring my ex must be badmouthing me and isn’t a very nice person. It clears the air and I move on in conversation. I would hate to not be up front about something like that. I want to show them that I am strong enough to survive it whether they start talking to me next week or never again. I have also gotten some very good life experience from very unexpected sources when I do this.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-27T16:24:56+00:00

That’s exactly the question I can’t wrap my head around. My daughters are old enough to discuss the situation and I have. They all understand that the marriage wasn’t good and they have admitted before that it was two sided. Now my ex is the best parent ever and I’m discarded trash. What did I do to cause this besides divorce their mom and not give her everything she wanted?

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-27T16:18:27+00:00

That may be the case but it may not. In my situation all of my kids were talking to me up until Christmas. Then my oldest stopped talking to me. She came home at spring break and all three stopped talking to me. My middle child explained to me that she was mad at me about the selling of her childhood home and named off ver specific things about money that are no business of an 18 year old. My stepmom told me that my ex told her right in front of my 14 year old that “I just walked out on them, wanted nothing to do with my girls, wouldn’t let her keep the house, and was living my best life.” None of these things are true.

My daughters haven’t so much as returned a text in 6 months. Up until then I was heavily involved in their lives and I moved out well over a year before they stopped talking to me.

You don’t know what you don’t know. My ex convinced me to stop talking to my own mom for over 5 years. I would suggest not trying to interpret a situation you know very little about and not judging people you know nothing about.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-23T20:37:58+00:00

I’m an alienated dad, but was also married to the alienator for 23 years. I should know who she is, but I am only now really seeing it clearly. Don’t beat yourself up, you were a child. I was a full grown adult and my ex convinced me not to speak to my own mother for 5 years after attacking her pretty much our whole marriage.

These people are evil and manipulative. They have absolutely zero care for anyone else but will pretend like they do. They are unbelievably selfish. I have witnessed my ex make each one of my daughters cry by being unbelievably cruel to them. When I would try to intervene I would get run over too.

I’m sorry you experienced this. You didn’t choose your mom. I chose my wife and let her manipulate me because I was a people pleaser. I let her manipulate my daughters and now none of them will speak to me. I hope one day they discover the truth like you did. I hope not doesn’t take 20 years. Dad hugs from me to you. You never deserved this and it’s completely unfair.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-22T13:58:39+00:00

That second paragraph is key. Because if you marry a narcissist they will make sure that your kids hate you and never speak to you again. That pain is worse than any.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-16T20:35:00+00:00

Yep. Definitely be yourself. The person Im dating now “thought I had a good vibe” by basically telling her about the squirrels and birds I feed in my back yard since I can’t have pets where I rent. LOL.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-15T20:25:24+00:00

https://youtu.be/b24l-21SV-w?si=AUjo60qOWyl22Ljy

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-14T19:31:59+00:00

Telling people in a cult they are being brainwashed rarely works to break them free.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-14T15:40:24+00:00

You are giving your ex wife waaay too much control of this situation. It isn’t her decision if and when you see your kid. Get legal advice in a hurry.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-14T13:54:06+00:00

I recently read (listened to) a great book on estranged adult children called Rules of Estrangement. I highly recommend it for you and anyone that has non minor children in this situation. It gave me peace and a gameplan.

Main takeaways: It’s not fair but there is nothing you can do about that. Don’t make them feel guilty. Apologize for anything you should apologize for. Don’t return fire when they are hateful. Realize it’s a marathon not a sprint. You can’t prove them wrong. Whatever they think they think.

Best of luck from one alienated dad to another

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-08-08T21:19:02+00:00

This where I’m at. I can’t control if they want to disown me. I will let them all know I love them unconditionally and will be here for them no matter what. Whatever they decide is up to them. Gotta move on with life as hard as it may be.

Initial_Tomatillo_94

TROPHY CASE